Issues with my fiancé

We recently had our baby in November and before she arrived we got a house together. A house I literally just finished decorating and making it my dream home. Our baby had to be transferred to another hospital. She was there a little while before coming home right before Christmas. Everything was great until she turned maybe three or four months. Now some days we are good some days we’re not. Lately we have been on the not so good side. He believes that I’m being sneaky when in actuality I’m not. He expects me to answer every phone call or im “up to something”. If I miss a call I always make sure to call right back. I’m a stay at home mother as of right now and my child is with me literally all the time he works a normal job and has a business. He’s to the point he doesn’t want to communicate with me at all only through text and when he does its nothing but him arguing. last night he never came home and whenever he’s home he doesn’t talk to me now. He also doesn’t give our child much attention. Recently I saw that the condoms that we were using are missing I brought it to his attention and he said he put them in another room and laughed about it and said he got me. however, since he never came home last night, my mind has been wandering. as much as I love this man my child is my priority. I didn’t want things to go this way and I can’t stop crying because I never thought this would happen to me. I guess that saying is right you never know a man until you have his child. He was great up until now. We’ve been together almost 5 years. One day he wants a family another day he wants me and my child out all because he claims I’m toxic and sneaky. The only reason I haven’t left yet is because of how our daughter lights up and gets excited when she has her parents together. I always just want to communicate like the adults we are. I’m so torn on what to do. I’m just hurt and I’m breaking down and no one knows because Im always smiling and make it all seem easy. All comforting/encouraging words and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Show your support

Sounds like he is the one up to no good and is switching it round so you seem the problem. Also I am of the belief that a child is happiest when they have happy parents even if they are co parenting and not together then growing up with their parents arguing. I would really want my child to see what a good relationship is like and I would leave for my child if I was showing them anything else. But that’s my opinion and you have to do what you think is best. I wish you all the luck xxx

First of all, you are so amazing and wonderful. I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but a mom and dads relationship should always be first in the family dynamic. If he’s worth staying together with and the love and connection is there I’d say to him “we need to talk”. Above all you need his support and love. Having a baby and being a mom is one of the hardest most underrated special role in our society and you deserve someone who will support you, protect you, reassure you, and be present in all ways. Maybe consider writing out a letter to him and reading it to him or giving it to him that way you can really pour out all of your thoughts and feelings without 1. Forgetting what you want and need to say and 2. There is no interruption or break out fight happening so you can’t get it all out there. Would highly consider it. Your family is ALWAYS worth the hard work. So much love to you and your family chica(: ❤️

Sorry your going through this type of behavior but has he came home yet? Do you know where he’s located? Have you spoke to him while he’s being out all night?

Sounds like he is the one being sneaky and his guilty conscience is making him project onto you. I would need to find out as personally that would end things for me, but also your health is important if he is cheating. I’m sorry. It’s up to you whether you can work through it but it seems like that’s what’s going on, especially with the missing condoms. Trust your gut.

@Emily you’re right. Honestly, today I’ll have all my answers. I still don’t know where he is or if he even is okay. If he is okay I’d have to more than likely end things. I know my worth and I know what I deserve. Plus I for sure don’t want my precious baby around any bad energy like this. I always do my best to surround her around a healthy loving environment.

@Autumn you’re the sweetest! I truly needed to hear that! I actually tried the letter thing. I read it and he walked out and has been missing all night even as of right now. The letter is left out somewhere for him to read whenever he comes home. If he is okay I just don’t know if I could stay to work things out. What man let alone father just leaves the whole night and not check on your child. I know my worth and what I deserve. If he cant be the man I fell in love with I rather heal for me and my child.

@Taja thank you! He has yet to come home yet or reach out. I don’t know where he is located. It’s making me worried. If he is okay and comes home I think I’m going to just have to end things because I know my worth and what I deserve. This isn’t the man I fell in love with and I don’t want my child to be around this bad energy that’s going on.

@Sam @Emily you’re right. Honestly, today I’ll have all my answers. I still don’t know where he is or if he even is okay. If he is okay I’d have to more than likely end things. I know my worth and I know what I deserve. Plus I for sure don’t want my precious baby around any bad energy like this. I always do my best to surround her around a healthy loving environment.

I totally hear you and you’re 100% valid in that. I’m glad you tried and did your part. I hope you have all the support and strength you need to do what is right for you and your little angel(: I’m probably far from you but if you’re ever in the northern part of Utah I’d be happy to meet up for lunch and I will always be supporting you from here!! Sending you thoughts of love and strength mama 💕

You sound so strong and I know you’ll put your child first and what’s best for you both. I hope he’s okay and if he is and can leave you and his child without a word you’ll know where you both stand with him. Again I wish you all the best. You’ve got this x

Change the locks? I mean seriously sit down and have a clear conversation. A new baby is HARD on both parents but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. Sometimes they revert to childish ways when confronted with extreme change. There’s a chance it’s temporary or maybe it’s just his true colors. I would start with a long honest conversation and even suggest couples therapy. If you try every option or he refuses. You kinda figure out what’s next from that.

Sounds like projecting. He's projecting onto you the things he's doing behind your back

And my advice is coming from a place of understanding. I've been there. My ex husband was similar to this. We were together 9 years and I didn't learn until we were getting divorced that he had cheated on me before but I never knew for certain until we were getting divorced

Take it from someone who knows he's cheating. No question about it. My ex didn't start cheating on me until our baby was like a month old. Phone would be off. Say he was stuck in traffic for hours. It only gets worse.

He’s def up to NO good. Only you know what you can handle and what you’re willing to deal with. Honestly, they’re (mostly) all liars and pigs, so if you’re a stay at home mom rn, I would sit there and fight hard to keep that time with the baby! Being a single mom, working, staying up all night with the baby, paying bills, and doing all the other millions of things there is to do outside of an “emotional engagement” is super, friggin hard and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Best of luck.

Try today for free

Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

Star Star Star Star

Trusted by 5M+ women