A rant

I will definitely take all the advice thank you guys it’s kinda hard but thank you all

Sounds like you need to sit down together and come up with a plan on how you both want your home to run. Often couples have different expectations on things like how often cleaning gets done so it's good to go over it all together so there are no misunderstandings. Some people really dislike certain chores too so it's a good chance to work out as a team how best to split it all up (or how to take turns doing things). If he has already said it's his job to take out the trash, I'd just be talking to him to say you have noticed it fills up faster since baby came along and makes the house smell so can he please check it more often as it's hard to take it out while holding a baby yourself.

Trust me if I could take out the trash myself I would but that means I have to leave my daughter alone for a few moments cause our trash can is far away or my other option is having to carry two bags filled to the top and carry my daughter isn’t really a one woman job

Before we moved in together and had our daughter, I worked 5-1pm and still had my home clean. he lived with him parents & sibling, when I visited I never heard them ask him to take out the trash or to clean he just did it because he saw it was dirty or saw the pile of trash but can’t don’t it here && We both tend to the baby when we’re together

@Afi please enlighten me on how my response represents misogyny/sexism. I'm simply stating she can also take out trash and share in that responsibility and if she doesn't want to to communicate that rather than be passive aggressive in putting it on the door.

We both don’t cook, we’ve talked about it and it’s his only chore. I’m not trying to victimize myself but a little help would b nice without haven’t to ask more than once.

@Afi the post states she doesn't know how to cook, so I'm assuming another chore is he cooks. I don't see how saying a woman can take out a trash bag too sometimes (I'm not saying all the time, but to share in this responsibility) is misogyny or sexist. It's a passive aggressive behavior to put it on the door and expect someone else to take it out. Chores are meant to be shared in responsibility. And as stated above from others, communication is key to a healthy relationship. No one is a mind reader

@Jessica I absolutely get that 100% I do but at that point you can raise the point that you do it all, I've done exactly that with my partner and he's changed his tune he helps out a lot more. My mental health did go down the shitter and because of that he helped more because he could see it was affecting me negatively. Doing it yourself is the easy way out but trying to get men to understand they NEED to help is just a never ending cycle that results in more problems 🤷‍♀️

@Afi is this his ONE chore? Sounds like he cooks, sounds like he works. Who's to say he didn't take out the trash before this one piled up? She took it out of the trash can and put it on the door. That's half the job. Seems extremely passive aggressive rather than just taking it to the garbage can or asking him to take it out. 🤷‍♀️ I thing equity means we both do the chores. So she can take the trash out sometimes and he can too. She literally took the trash out of the can and left it on the door. Seems rather ridiculous to not have walked the extra few feet to the garbage can outside.

@Afi YES, THIS. Absolutely. I’m stealing this because I know some folks who need to read it.

@Kayla speaking from both personal and professional experience, it is absolutely easier to do it yourself short term; the problem is that once you start doing all the little things that are someone else’s job, you end up owning the task permanently. Then they get all the free time in the world while you drown and your normal tasks and mental health go down the shitter.

@Afi 🙌🏼👏🏼🙌🏼

How did it get on the door? If you put it there then you should have just took it out, sometimes it's easier to do the job yourself. No use keeping an untidy/smelly place when there's children around just because your partner won't take the trash out. I'm not disregarding your concern because I've been through it but from experience just do it yourself

Is it that difficult for you to take it out sometimes too? My husband usually takes it out, but if we have anything smelly in it, I do it if he's not home

Relatable. I went away for a week for work and came back to Chernobyl. I said “since you clearly can’t take care of yourself, I’m going to just nag you and not feel bad about it.” And that’s where we’re at. Let me know if you find a better solution lol ❤️