From kinky sex to vanilla??? I’m lost.

What’s his reason?

I was going to ask the same cause usually it's the other way around, men want more kink not less.

@Eve He told me that he lost interest in sex in general and that he’s fully lost interest in being kinky. I asked him why he specifically doesn’t want to role play with me anymore and he said that it now makes him uncomfortable because he’s no longer into it.

@Katie I would call him “daddy” and he would “dominate” me during sex. I’d either be fully submissive or we would do CNC (consensual non-consent).

@Yolanda I agree, but I’ve never been satisfied in the bedroom with just regular sex. I feel like when we would have sex, I’d have to restrict myself from all the things we used to do and I wouldn’t enjoy it anymore.

There has to be a compromise of some sort. He’s voicing that he is uncomfortable and that needs to be respected. The respect goes both ways. But he should not have to force himself to do something you want to do just because it’s what you want.

Sometimes people sexual desires change and that’s normal. I think respecting his wish should be considered. I understand it’s hard for you to accept this change but if you can compromise for the love you have .

@Madisen I’m just confused how someone becomes uncomfortable with something that they’ve always done. I’m trying to compromise, but he isn’t. I suggested we only do it some of time, he said no. I suggested we only do some of the things we used to, he said no. I suggested opening our marriage only for sex (not to date the other person), he said no. I suggested for him to talk to a therapist that something he used to enjoy suddenly makes him uncomfortable, he said no. I don’t know what else to suggest. I feel like my desires are being neglected.

@Eve I don’t mind compromising, I just feel like I’m the only one compromising in regards to our new sex life. My desires feel neglected.

Both talk to a therapist perhaps? Since this is a relationship issue, not just his as you suggest. That way he'll feel less judged and criticised. Maybe he's never been that into the weird stuff you make him do and he's finally found his voice... Maybe his tastes have just changed. Either way, you can't force someone to do stuff they don't want to. Show him some understanding.

I would say it’s hard to stop something you like but at the end of the day things change as you get older he could have been doing it just for u that way as he new u liked it and was just being kind you shouldn’t end a relationship based on sex it’s about the love you have for someone and the love you have built into a relationship and if u live together then it’s all about the house and the other things you have together that makes you a couple just give him a break and don’t bother him about it and he may miss it and come back you wanting it some men change after children my husband wouldn’t have sex while I was pregnant but once I wasn’t he would he just didn’t feel comfortable with doing it when I was just take your time and Love the things you have already

I went from a husband who wanted sex often to a husband who rarely want it we used to have sex 3-4 times a week now I am lucky if I get it 6 times in a month then he tells me I don’t initiate it when maybe 1 time out of 4 he is the one that initiates and then sometimes we even start and in the middle he falls asleep or he tries to but is drunk and can’t keep it up or even finish so he just goes to sleep

could i ask if anything in daily life changed recently? like pregnancy, birth or anything going on day to day?

Has this change come after having a baby?? Maybe being called daddy not makes him uncomfortable because he seees is as a father thing and his child calls it him? Or maybe you were always more into it than he was and he’s not speaking up… but these are all questions you could explore with him, not in an attempt to change his mind, but in an attempt to understand him?

He probably feels awkward now that he is legit someone’s daddy.

Agree with @NIKKI and @Ashleigh - being called daddy then having to pretend to rape them (OP says they do this) - must be awkward and super uncomfortable... Maybe he just hadn't thought of it that way before he actually was someone's daddy.

Could it be that he's become a father in that time? If he's called dad or daddy by your child/ren he could now be uncomfortable using that term in a sexual way, which is completely understandable.

If your husband is now uncomfortable doing something he shouldn’t have to compromise. If this was the other way and a man was trying to talk his wife into sex she didn’t want there would be outrage.

maybe he was never comfortable with doing all of that, he just did it because he knew you liked it. People do change you know, maybe he didn’t feel comfortable telling you before and it’s because of this exact reason. Having vanilla sex is enough for your partner, he doesn’t need the extra stuff shouldn’t that just be enough? Knowing that just regular “vanilla” sex is enough for him. You just sound not to be rude but kinda childish… you want to divorce him over sex? he voiced he was uncomfortable, he did it for years your way. It’s just sex, what’s the problem of sucking it up and doing it his way. You’re not in high school. You don’t need need it. It’s just a preference for you. But if your questioning a divorce over this? Did you ever really love him?

To answer everyone’s questions, yes we just recently had a baby earlier this year. However he told me that he lost interest in kinky sex late last year but he didn’t tell me this until 3 days ago. He said everything about it now bothers him, not only being called daddy. And no, this would not be the only reason that we would separate. We’ve been having communication, trust, compromise, and emotional issues for a long time now (years). This would more so be the cherry on top for me. I talked to him more today and he said that he doesn’t want to talk about it in couple’s therapy either. Sex is important to me because the exchange of trust and safety I felt when we would roleplay helped me establish an even deeper emotional connection to him. I don’t know how to obtain/ feel those same positive emotions from regular sex. I also don’t know how to relearn this when it’s all I’ve known throughout our relationship.

@Jemma I completely agree… If a man was saying this it wouldn’t be okay. -also might be worth having a real think about why you’re into the kind of consenting non-consent type role play, and daddy/dom/sub type scenes.. sometimes when these things are explored further from a therapeutic placw, they’re an unhealthy way of processing things. With it being something that clearly feeds an emotional attachment need (This doesn’t come from a place of judgement it is however part of my education/career/profession)