Partner will not have sex with me.

Please do explain to him about waiting another 6 weeks after post partum. Myself and my fiancée are craving it very badly and we’ve always been active during pregnancy. I think he doesn’t really know how bad it will be and slow it will seem 6 weeks once the time has come. Also the last trimester sex has a lot of benefits for labour purposes. I think he needs to be educated a bit more. Good luck 🤞

Try positions where he won’t see the belly, I’ve heard of partners saying they don’t want to see the belly when being intimate. Also try telling him how you feel it’s hard being pregnant let alone being pregnant and feeling neglected

He is probably scared of hurting the baby 🥲

@Mayelin I tried, we were in a spooning position laying down and I said what about like this. And he just said honey.. it wasn’t going to happen. Ugh.

@Ioana I would totally understand that and think that’s valid but it’s just frustrating because he would turn me down before my belly was big and before I was even pregnant. It’s just hard.

@Ellie thank you, I keep crying on and off. I feel embarrassed for asking and then when he said no I even said please and still no. I just miss the connection. Thank you for validating my feelings 😢

@Anna Rita I did mention that when I was in my second trimester. I just am having such a hard time with understanding how he is ok with zero sex. We haven’t had sex in over two months. One more month until baby. So by the time it happens it will be well over four months. It’s just too long. And yes, the benefits. Like at least try.

I was like this with my husband before we separated. If I were you id have an open and honest talk

@Sarah I have had at least two or three in depths talks with him about this 😔 I gave up on trying for a while and thought maybe if I don’t put pressure on it he will come around. But no. Before he would say he’s too tired or we went through a patch for several weeks where we were stressed and arguing and he wasn’t in the mood. We worked those issues out and have been getting along great. It’s just always something why he won’t.

If your missing the connection then I would say to him, as you’re not comfortable having sex then we need to keep the spark/intimacy, ie kisses and cuddles. Get him to give you back or foot rubs and put bump cream/oil on your tummy. You can still be intimate without actual sex xx

I had the same issue with my partner. I spent so long crying and gave up trying. Took a while but I got some feedback from him: he works in a very strenuous job so is exhausted after work, he didn't want to start something that he felt he wouldn't be putting his full effort into. He never wanted to half arse anything with me, and he really didn't want to risk not pleasuring me then feeling worse about himself. I also spoke to him about how it's safe it is for the baby, and beneficial for me. But my body changing made it all really sink in, and that fear of harming me and/or the baby came back ten fold. I think the reality hitting with my belly getting big also added to stress (which will decrease libido) as it all sunk in and how he needed to provide, life about to change etc. Men are complex too so try not to take it all personally, but sadly you may just have to wait until after baby when things settle. Try toys :) even for him to use on you to take off some pressure for him to perform.

@Laura 😂 I want a chilled out baby ;)

Forgive me if I got this wrong but did you say he was like this before you got pregnant? Makes me believe its not just about the baby. I definitely think you need to have a convo with him before it gets dragged on to long or gets worse. Xxx

@Mia absolutely!! Exactly what I was thinking. He seems to have emotionally checked out so probably doesn't want sex for this reason. Pregnancy is not an excuse for not having sex on the most part on the man's side.... especially as Mia has said when he's done this before pregnancy. I'd be really checking in with him...or checking on him and what he is doing. It would be a big red flag for me tbh. I hate to say this with baby due in few weeks. You don't need the stress but you need to get to the bottom of it and you need an emotionally invested partner especially...and especially when raising a little one. If not there's something else going on! Xx

@Hilary completely agree with you x

Honestly, if he has a low sex drive, he just has one. You may need to decide if that’s something you can accept and live with or not. :( I know it’s super frustrating, but if he’s been this way since the beginning of your relationship, maybe it’s now becoming a dealbreaker for you. If he was more sexual at the beginning, then I might be worried, but it doesn’t sound like that? As someone with a low sex drive, it’s not you, friend. *I also* was the one who felt very strange having sex while pregnant, too. It’s not like “oh he’s gonna hit the baby with his 🍆” but a “gross, there’s a baby RIGHT THERE,” and I legit felt icky about it for the first couple times. 🥲🥲🥲 It’s hard not to get into my head about it, but I keep reminding myself that sperm softens the cervix and helps prevent tearing, etc.

Girl you better get all the sex in you could get now because when the babies here and the healing process on top of just having a newborn you’re really just not going too care about having sex so he better enjoy it while it last now!

My partner wouldn’t have sex with me during pregnancy because he was too scared, then after birth he was too traumatized and says HE is feeling self conscious, now it’s been QUITE a while and I’m done trying. I told him it has affected our physical connection a little but no change…sighhhh I’m just waiting….

you’re not alone, girlfriend! i second trying to offer the topic of toys. or asking him to make out or give each other massages. maybe if you start with something small it’ll get the juices flowing. i understand the feeling of embarrassment + rejection, i’ve been there and am going thru another wave of it postpartum. i hope things change for y’all ❤️

I stopped asking

My partner went through a period in my 2nd trimester where he had no sex drive at all, and I found out that it’s actually common in expecting fathers, especially first time fathers that their sex drive takes a dip. Up until we found out I was pregnant, we’d have sex multiple times a day (when we saw each other,) then in my first trimester we only had sex once a weekend as I wasn’t in the mood or it was uncomfortable. In my second, I craved it more and he didn’t, but after a uncomfortable and upsetting chat, I spoke to him about how him refusing me is getting me down. That’s when he told me that he just doesn’t want too, which I said was fine and I respect it, but I just wanted him to communicate that too me. After a few more weeks, he initiated sex and after that, we got back to having sex every weekend again. In my 3rd trimester now, still having sex every weekend, but about to move into a flat together, so may have sex more as we will actually be living together 😅

@Stephanie he was definitely more sexual in the beginning of our relationship. But it was still never every day or anything like that. We got into a bit of a rut in our relationship a few years ago and we’re fighting a lot and the sex decreased. But even after things have been good we go through periods where we have sex sometimes and other times not at all. And this is the longest it has ever been. But thank n you. I have decided I can live with it not being often but I am not sure about never. But I love him and he’s the father of my baby. I won’t break up my family over sex.. but damn it’s tough.

@Christine he does watch porn sometimes when he takes care of himself. I’m not sure how often but I have wondered about this before that maybe he can only perform with porn. I should talk to him about this at some point after baby and we get settled. But it bugs me knowing he does sometimes masturbate but won’t have sex with me. He says it’s “different” which yes it is. But I would rather have sex with my bf than masturbate.

@Bonnie he will literally say no or stop if I try. It’s embarrassing. I don’t try anymore. Except the day I posted this and I’m not trying again till after baby.

@Jennifer right there with you now. I hadn’t asked in a long time and I won’t again until after baby. And we will see from there.

@Jess this sounds identical to conversations we have had. I feel like he will say that too that birth traumatized him or that’s all he can see. And he said he feels self conscious too. He has gained weight. So have I even before I got pregnant. I still want him all the time lol, you would think that would boast confidence.

@Natalie that’s what I told him. We haven’t had sex in two and a half months.

@Mia you are correct. We have dealt with this before but never this bad or this long. And usually we have a dry spell if he’s under a lot of stress or if we’ve been fighting a lot. But we haven’t been.

@Hilary I agree with you, I mean it’s never been this bad or this long. But it does make my mind wander what the hell is going on and how he could be OK with never having sex. He definitely has a low sex drive but I still just can’t quite wrap my head around never wanting it. he’s always home with me after work. But I feel like if somebody wanted to cheat they could absolutely find a way.I don’t see any signs of it besides the fact he never wants to have sex. But who knows. I do trust him. But this makes me a little uneasy. Hopefully that all made sense I was using voice text.

I know I've heard from my husband that in his barbers there were guys talking about watching porn and masturbating and how it makes you not want to have sex with your partner. So unless it's a porn addiction. Definitely need to bring it up with him!

maybe watch porn together? i know it’s rough not feeling desired. my heart goes out to ya. i hope y’all can communicate and find a solution that satisfies you both 🤍 your needs matter!

Yes exactly!! It literally can ruin a relationship. Absolutely 100% agree @Christine