Niece up for adoption

My brother has recently started a divorce with his wife. She took her kids with her, but left one child with him that was his from a previous relationship. He had stated that he isn’t fit to parent alone and is wanting to release custody and place her for adoption. She is 12 years old, I have not been around her in a while because of distance, but I am considering taking her. The issue that I am struggling with - I am 18 weeks pregnant with my first right now. I have worked with children my entire adult life, but I am only 23 and she is almost a teenager. I worry about the transition, the smaller age gap between the two of us, the lack of experience with my own children (rather than students) and so on. My husband is open to the idea if we can figure out the logistics. Could you please help me consider things I may not be thinking about, give realistic advice, or whatever you think I need to hear to help me make a decision? I want what is best for her, even if it isn’t us. Only one other family member is considering taking her, and honestly there is drug problems with those family members so I worry. I am scared if she goes into foster care she will not have a stable enough environment. I am in school for family and child studies and already have a degree in early childhood education. I feel like the best person out of these choices but I’m not positive either.
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And I’m living w/ my family (if I fostered or adopt ex would move out BUT stay close in SoFL) & I date here & there but REFUSE to let anyone take my MAIN FOCIS ON MY BABY 12 yr old boy & I want a loud, fun house w/ 3-4 kiddos and then filled w/ THEIR KIDS—— I want my son to have siblings & I am a really active healthy fun #boymom (& if u WWNT TO CONTACT ME——- I ‘d lil love to be able to MAYBE give YOUR NIECE or other kids ALL THE EXTEA LOVE (& a a consistent, loving, safe home & LIFE during what MUSR BE SUCH A TOUGH TIME. We live ih Parkland, FL - in NW Broward County in South FL, just 29 mins from ft laud & just west of Boca—— text me & I’ll get back to u- 954…803….2957 ——- we could TALK ABOUT POSSIBILITIES—— and I strongly believe in keeping WHICHEVER KIDD IN-N-OUT LUVES—— still very close to their blood family—/— as LONG AS STAYIKG IN TOUCH IS IN ===> the BEST INTEREST OF THE KIDS- and DEFINITE TALK/ get their feelings out PLAY THERAPY— I REALLY HIOPE U TEXT soon! Jen

Morgan, I am a divorced, single- mom of just one 12 year old boy who I’d my life, a joy & I MADE SURE b4 my ex & I TRIED TO GET PREGNANT—- I had intentionally “done my thing & was crazy & adventurous —- wanted to experience EVERYTHING….. And THEN, I wanted to start my FAMILY W/ at LEAST 2 kids w/ my then- husband. (I grew up w/ 2 younger brothers both close to my age & always wanted to get myself that, unfortunately, things didn’t work out with my ex, and I could not have anymore children w/ him- be became a MESS—— and I’ve JUST DECIDED, against years of my PARENTS TELLING ME NOT TO DO THIS UNKEDS I RE-marrrird…., But VERY RECENTLY HAVE decided to consider ADDING 2 more children (around my SON’S AGE— 12, he’ll be 13 on 12/13/2023, & I wanted US to SLOWLY START HAVING (BOTH A BOY AND A GIRL, *** just maybe go out to special events w/ us (& REALLY wanted a younger boy- maybe betw 11 & 14 for my son to get have (& I want a 12 yr old or younger GIRL—— I LOVE being a mom &

I would love to assist with advice and or adoption. Im a full spectrum doula and childbirth educator. I have previously owned a daycare and really love children. Im home study certified also. Would love to help if possible

I am in the same boat accept my niece is almost 4. One thing i will tell you is she will be able to help a lot with the baby. The fact that you are married she will have that father figure. If she you foster her you will get a check of like $550 a month plus she gets free medical insurance and free college until she is 27 (at least thats how it is in Florida). My only issue is because she is 12 she will have more trauma with losing her dad and the family she once had versus when they are young and can’t remember anything. Because her age is close to yours she can be your friend and help you and she will look up to you a lot. If you give her lots of love and keep her active in sports I think she could be a blessing. Guide her right and she will help you when she is older.

I agree, therapy for her! I'd also suggest an adoption coach for you 2 to help with your mindset through all this!! Sounds like you have a huge heart. Trust your gut on this one!

So my daughter is my husbands bio, I did adopt her in 2017, she was 9 at the time. Not the same in age, but with the transition I will say 100% put her in therapy. She will have so many emotions and thoughts she won’t be able to process on her own about a whole new life, a whole “new” family, new home, incoming sibling. My daughters bio mom was a drug addict and abusive. She was only in her life until she was 6, but there is a lot she is still processing about that former life. She is 15 now. We put her with a therapist in the very very beginning of the transition and it really helped a lot.

What helped me consider other ages was watching YouTube videos of children who have been adopted around that age and are in similar situations. Also, it is going to be tough regardless because it's going to be a huge adjustment for both of you, but the bonus of being in the beginning/middle of your pregnancy is that you have some time to adjust. Time is going to be helpful in all aspect, and nothing is impossible. Best case scenario, children stay within their biological families, and if that is not possible or isn't beneficial, I'd say open adoption is the next best option. There's so many support options available for adoptive parents, I definitely think you could do this and are a great option, it boils down to what you and your family want to do.

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