My fiancé won’t have sex with me because he’s scared
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@Aimee yes! I told him that I don’t feel desired anymore and he just keeps trying to verbally reassure me but I also told him I need actions . I don’t think he understands and his fear is stronger than the reality 😭
Have you told him how you feel? If he isn’t very good at listening, or you aren’t the best at chatting things through together, write him a letter and let him read it without you around. He needs to know what’s going on before it goes too far for you x
Are you guys taking extra measures to make sure you don’t get pregnant ? Contraceptives ? Maybe that would help ease his anxiety
Could be lots of different things. Low sex drive Does he masturbate? (Maybe too much) Is there someone else? Have you gained a lot of weight post birth? How’s your relationship as a whole?
You don't initiate?
@👑Jess👑 I try but it doesn’t go anywhere! He pulls away or just gives me a quick kiss and goes back to watching tv or whatever.
@Lily he is stressed and not sleeping the best still with being new parents. He does masturbate I’m not sure how much lol. I look pretty much the same post birth! We don’t spend much quality time together anymore but we do have lots of words of affirmation. We really just work eat watch tv and sleep outside of taking care of our daughter
If this is different from his normal, I would suggest he see a specialist.
My advice? Tell him he can keep his pants completely on and get you off!! That’d be a win if he goes for it. I will say it sounds like postpartum anxiety, 1 in 10 men suffer from a postpartum mood disorder and my husband definitely suffered some anxiety. I’d also lean into non sexual touch? Can he rub your back if you tell him it’s hurting, or rub your feet? I think you need to tell him that if he doesn’t want to get pregnant you need to be doing other stuff! The other thing might be using 2 forms of birth control (maybe non hormonal IUD and condoms) and discussing how you’d handle it if an accident did happen.
Hmmmm something is definitely wrong somewhere
How was your labour and birth?
@Alicia it was okay! The pregnancy was unplanned and we weren’t “ready” for a baby yet but my birth went smooth!
@Charlea-Elizabeth yes, neither of us want another baby. It’s a big change and adjustment for us both and we have struggled with it so we don’t want to go through it again anytime soon! But that’s what birth control / condoms are for
@Karla everything else with him is prefect he does anything for me gives cuddles and fore head kisses but I don’t want to live a sexless life lol
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You need to tell him that you do not want to live a sexless life. If you are sure he isn't cheating then I would suggest going to a therapist. That long without sex is not normal for any couple.
Hmmm something really doesn’t seem right.
PPD and PPA affect men too. As you say his anxiety is bad and this might have triggered it more. Anxiety isn't great, let alone PPA. Talk to him, see if there is anything other than accidentally getting pregnant that bothers him. Do everything you can to prevent pregnancy if you haven't already. Men aren't great with their feelings (that's why we need to raise boys that are open about how they feel, etc) so makes sense why it would be frustrating. Try and get to the bottom of it, see what's really happened
Have you explained your feelings to him? Sometimes being honest and open with each other is the best option x