This will be a long one..
So I have lived with my in laws for 6 years now. I’ve been the perfect housemate, have always been clean and polite and I often cook for them and clean up the whole house even areas I don’t use. I was happy to do it just because I used to do it all at my parents house before so it didn’t feel like a chore. I only stopped when I got pregnant because I was unwell and constantly stressed due to low papp-a, GD, sciatica, dangerously low iron levels, you name it.
My mil has always made comments that I haven’t liked since day 1. I have never responded and have always turned the other cheek. I wouldn’t call myself a pushover but I definitely just felt like it wasn’t worth it a lot of the time to argue with someone like her. I always let things go, have never been rude to anyone, I keep myself to myself. I make so much effort with the family on occasions etc whereas the rest of them done. When I was pregnant I found out that my mil was complaining about me to other people in the family - about how I am lazy, don’t cook or clean, don’t sit with her, don’t care about this side of the family and only want to be with my mum. This continued even after I gave birth and was recovering from 3rd degree tearing and ppd.
I have never had people complain about me growing up so this really knocked me for 6. It was heartbreaking to hear how this warped image of me had been portrayed to everyone else behind my back. Things just continued this way as I constantly find things out. The one and only time I answered my mil back in a polite manner was when I said to her she was wrong to say that I should be sitting with the family when my son naps instead of napping with him, when he was just a month or two old. She told my husband and everyone else that I was rude to her. I knew she would lie so I had the whole conversation recorded. Anyway fast forward to now, I don’t sit with her since having my son - I don’t want to, she constantly makes comments, she talks about other people, I don’t feel like she is a safe space for me.
Her and my husband argued about something that had nothing to do with me, but she stopped speaking to me completely after it. I asked her what was wrong and she said she isn’t going to bother getting into it but eventually admitted she has a problem with me because of the way he spoke to her??? I am always getting him to apologise to his mum and saying respect her she is your mum etc but she has told other people that he only speaks to her in this way since me.
The argument was about giving up my sons room (he doesn’t sleep in but everything he owns is in it as it doesn’t fit in our room) for my brother in laws fiancé who was moving in soon. He wanted to put a cupboard and vanity etc in it, even though there is another spare room in the house which belongs to my sil who hasn’t lived there for years. But god forbid you say anything about her in this house lol. We decorated and paid for it all ourselves. Our son is entitled to it not anyone else. There has been a huge blowout just because of this room. My bil said my husband and I didn’t make any effort for his wedding and that he isn’t bringing his wife to this house because of us. Little does he know how happy we were for him and couldn’t wait for the wedding. I couldn’t fit his gifts into a hamper so I had to buy a huge wicker storage basket to fit it all in and was going to give it on the wedding day but it’s just lying in my room and it is heartbreaking honestly. No one in my life has ever ever said I don’t make effort because it is the one thing that I am KNOWN for - going above and beyond for everyone in my life. My bil was so rude to me and my husband because of this whole situation on the day of one of his events and I wasn’t going to go but I just did for the sake of the family but I overheard him telling other people what happened which I found unnecessary and my husband angrily confronted him and this has all been blamed on me. We weren’t a part of his wedding day just because we said no to the room. My bil his wife and my mil have completely cut me off to the point where I was so affected I would cry and cry because I just can’t believe that this is all somehow falling on my shoulders. Everyone has put all of the blame on me because apparently I instigated my husband but he also spoke to the relative that his brother was directly complaining to and she was the one who told him herself. It has been 2 months and not a word from anyone. I moved out and came to my mums and my husband is still there but his brother moved out in ‘protest’ when let’s be honest we all know it’s just because it was the easy way to move out with his wife without the guilt and pressure from his mum to stay with her for a while. Anyway I just need to know if I did something wrong by telling my husband that his brother, who btw I have always considered like my own brother, was rude to me and that he was telling others our personal family business when we were the ones who should’ve been angry but reminded level headed for the sake of not ruining the event. I’m sorry I know this is so long but I have been so depressed and down because of it. The fact that this whole family has been ripped apart and it’s been instilled that it was my fault completely when in 6 years I never once caused any issue and this is not my character at all. But when you hear something enough times - you start to believe it.
And for whoever made it this far- thank you. An incognito post on an app where I don’t know anyone was the best way for me to get my feelings out into the world without imploding.