Mother in law started calling me daughter in law after some family drama?

Be over kind…..it may wind her up even more 😉 At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what she thinks, you know…

Mother in law will always be a mother in law… speak to your husband about it 1st 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Amy but doesn’t that just enable her behaviours? I’ve always been courteous to her and ignored her passive aggressive comments but she keeps going. Also unfortunately I have no family in the country and my husband works for his family so he is around them every single day so it’s hard since they have so much influence over him.

@Ansha I did, but he said he can’t do anything about it, only gave me advice on how to deal with her (be kind… the usual)

You are her daughter in law, and not a daughter. It's all a power play with MILs so best to leave her to it

@Natalie I understand, I don’t exactly want to call her “mum” either, but she would be upset if I didn’t call her mum. Yet she is starting to call me daughter in law instead of daughter, haha, so I guess I’ll also start calling her mother in law then

Would you just call her by her name and leave her to it

@Sarah haha that would be considered very passive aggressive 😂 especially in Asian culture

I wouldn’t ignore her passive aggressiveness at all, it gets you no where and leaves her thinking she can get away with the comments. If you don’t want to address it then I’d just gradually start limiting contact with her, I know your husband said to be nice but it works both ways, if she can’t be respectful then you shouldn’t be expected to neither 🤷🏻‍♀️ Eventually she will learn without you having to say anything that you won’t stand for her comments but you aren’t going to react to them neither you’re just going to distance yourself from her

@Chelsea thanks Chelsea, I think you’re right. Before I was always polite and ignored her passive aggressive comments and she still kept up with it thinking it was ok. Do you have any strategies on how to address this face to face?

It’s because she knows she can get away with it because you aren’t addressing the comments she’s making, almost gives her a power trip. I would just arrange to see her one on one and quote some of the comments she’s made that have upset you and see how she takes that onboard. I would make sure it’s just you and her, else she will probably ask others to defend her. I know every culture is different, and in most you respect your elders, my family is like that too but I’m breaking the rules especially now I have my own daughter, I want her to stand up for what she believes is right and never to feel silenced especially if she’s made to feel uncomfortable. My daughter doesn’t have a relationship with a lot of my family and neither do I mainly because it’s one rule for them and another for everyone else, your happiness and peace is all that matters, your husband should be considerate to how his mom is making you feel, and you shouldn’t have to put up with the way she is

I’d also address your Mom too, for betraying your trust and speaking to your mother in law. That’s not okay, you spoke to her in confidence as your Mom and she went behind your back, that’s not okay and could’ve saved you a lot of drama, she needs to be held accountable for adding to your stresses, even if she thought she was doing good - she should’ve spoken to you first and got your thoughts on her speaking to your mother in law behind your back

@Chelsea my mother is a narcissist and unfortunately this is the second time she’s done this. She doesn’t admit to any fault and in fact she’s continued to be verbally manipulative and abusive after I confronted her. I therefore have to distance myself from her

@Chelsea yes she’s a control freak and likes to control everybody around her. I’ll be sure to write down all the quotes from now on. I feel quite hopeless as my husband is quite defensive of his mum and family in general and dismisses my concerns.

@Chelsea I think it’s good that you’re teaching your daughter to stand up for herself. Unfortunately I feel like people will try to prey on the weak, especially with mother in laws who need to play these silly power trip games

@Kiana thanks Kiana, are you saying I should keep calling her mum and also ignore her other passive aggressive remarks in the future?

@Kiana I understand your logic, and it totally makes sense, but unfortunately I think that me being too passive and letting everything slide has just made her think it’s ok to keep doing these things cos she can get away with it. I feel like she gets a kick out of being nasty and knowing I can’t do anything to fight back. Which is why I feel like I need to stand my ground now instead of letting her get away with everything 😅

It’s a shame that you’ve had to distance yourself from your Mom, but it’s probably better for your own mental health that you have. Has your husband witnessed his Mom making comments towards you? It’s a shame he isn’t more understanding if he has, but if speaking to your mother in law doesn’t work I would definitely put some distance between you both for a while until she realises you won’t tolerate her childish behaviour, your husband will realise this too!

I was going to say exactly what Chelsea said regarding your mum … you trusted her and she broke it … also sit ur mother in law down ALONE and speak to her ! Your husband needs to grow up and be a man … if he isn’t going to stand by you when someone is doing wrong then who will