Sex drive

Hello, Tonight my bf told me he’s scared of us not having sex after I have the baby… so i told him well ofc I won’t bc I might be exhausted from breastfeeding and taking care of our baby… which won’t really be on my mind after wanting to save my energy for myself. He responded by saying exactly… then I told him that I thought our relationship wasn’t going to be based on sex but he said that sex was important to him… I just don’t understand if he understands that my body will be under a lot of stress and exhaustion after having our daughter. Then he cut it off short by not wanting to talk about it tonight bc it’s late which it is but I’m upset about it bc now I have questions bc I feel so guilty rn that im FUCKING HUGE. He asked me if I would make him cum but im not feeling it so he brought that up… I just feel so insecure now. I am so fucking sad. :( i wana cry a fucking river. He doesn’t even want to talk about it anymore bc I mentioned that it made me upset what he said. I’m a sexually active woman naturally like I don’t have an issue but what if I do when I have my daughter I don’t our relationship to go to shit. Anyways this is filled with what ifs in the end so if I’m just venting… idk I almost feel dumb making this a big deal…
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@Nanna yea you are absolutely right I was being quite insensitive about what he was asking and we came to a conclusion that we will wait and see what the next steps would be if my sex drive doesn’t come back immediately and he was able to understand that after having the baby things won’t spice up immediately I AM so thankful for everyone’s input on how to go forward with this bc I was SO upset and he was too but it’s all good. He’s a great man, he was vulnerable. I appreciate him speaking this concern, as long as we come to an understanding we are gana be alright .

Our bodies are SO uncomfortable right now. Even when I do want to have sex it’s like running a marathon. You should let him know off the bat you can’t have sex straight up for 6 weeks after you have the baby - vaginal or c section because of the giant hole in your uterus once the baby is out. Maybe find some videos and send them to him about that. Personally my husband and I had so much sexual tension between each other because of it. But still your body is healing and he needs to be respectful of that. If he can’t understand that then he is just a boy, not a man. He needs to understand there are going to be way more important things going on the first 6 weeks the baby is home other than sex.

You told him how you felt it’s sounds like personal problem for him to deal with getting himself off after baby here do not feel like you have to give it to him because he being selfish

Obviously you won't be able to do some things for quite some time. But you don't need to be insensitive about it. It isn't selfish for him to express his feelings at all. Just like you should be acknowledged and herd in yours. He was being vulnerable and sharing a fear with you. Sex is super important to men, that isn't selfish. That's how they are made. My husband has fears about it too, that's not unreasonable. It's not just about them feeling good or getting what they want. It can be if you have a crap guy, but if you have a good guy it's because he loves you. That's likely why he shut down. It could be helpful if you have some sort of plan for sex and connection postpartum. Maybe a definite few weeks he knows that you are taking to heal, and then after that you guys can take intentional time to love each other. Even if you aren't cleared for sex itself, you can still be intimate. It's part of being in a relationship. You don't have to map out every step. But it might help to have a "plan" of sorts.

Thank you I’ll try to bc idk it’s kinda hard to not be mad and take it out on him bc seriously how dumb can one be about this.

Yea to hope everything will turn out fine.

@Shamir best thing to do is just be honest and talk it through. Be like I don’t want u to be unhappy and I don’t want to be unhappy let’s meet in the middle and find a solution. Talk about what ur both comfortable with. Hopefully he realizes that the situation is no joke and he puts his own selfish needs to the side.

@Shamir hopefully he will also be tired from keeping the baby alive and will come to understand the reality of post partum.

@Beatriz 😂 oh this was funny yes it’s starting to seem that way unfortunately for me hopefully he understands that I’m literally about to push a baby… and that i obviously won’t be horny for him after that.

Most men are like this, even when they are not vocal about it. Everything is about their 🐓

@Venice yes exactly! I just been wired to think that bc we love someone as woman we have to give sex or please a man. Now that my sex drive is so low and he brought this up I just feel as if he is implementing that he will become unhappy. That he will continue doing sexual activities on his own which will make me feel guilty but at the same time I want him to understand that I’m pregnant and I will be recovering. It’s not like I don’t want to join him I just can’t I don’t have the drive rn bc of all of the third trimester changes. I had to leave the room to go to another room to sleep bc it really upset me and when I communicated that he had a little fit about not wanting to talk about this topic at all tomorrow. Which we will bc it’s obviously bothering me. Like if he doesn’t get sex SO what is he going to then?? Yk is he going to deal with this in a healthy or unhealthy way :(

Sometimes when we are in love we don’t realize that our partner is being selfish and to be frank ur partner is being selfish. The simple fact is ur going to not be able to have sex for 6 weeks after the baby is born. Your vjayjay is going to be an open wound that not only hurts but is susceptible to getting infected if u have intercourse. It’s natural to want to please ur partner but not to the point of risking ur health and hurting yourself. You should also not feel obligated to please him if ur simply not in the mood. Trust me no one is really in the mood rn in the 3rd trimester we are all struggling to breathe. Explain the whole open wound bit to him and come to a compromise that ur both comfortable with such a porn or other sexual activities. If he still a dick about it don’t blame yourself bc it’s not u it’s him being selfish.

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