Oral sex

I’ll be totally honest in some ways I don’t blame him I mean if my husband told me I am unattractive- why would I want to pleasure him orally? I wouldn’t even be in the right space of mind. If he was doing it all the time before, it just seems like that got ruined when all this conflict and toxicity started in the relationship and now he probably just doesn’t want to anymore. I think him feeling disrespected and that affecting his interest or motivation on giving oral is quite valid. The fact he’s still having sex and has even said that neither of you have to do oral seems fair at least. You are the one giving him oral because you want to, and he is receiving it because who wouldn’t? if he’s cheated before, and you chose to forgive him, then that’s your decision that you made. If he cheats on you, because you have stopped giving him oral then that’s the type of man you have, and you shouldn’t be with someone like that, anyway.

@Amy that's real, May not be easy to hear but that's real. But what I don't understand is why do you still want to have sex at all? If we have a toxic relationship that kills that desire, is sex between us just the human need to nut? Which at that point, why even do it at all? How do you think we fix it? Honestly I was about to tell him don't have sex with me unless you want to go down on me. And don't hug/kiss me unless it's more than a peck. And you want to be pda. But i feel like he will feel more disrespected because in his eyes sex is the only way we still connect. I feel resentful because in cheating, he felt so comfortable to be doing pda being all cuddled up and passionate in public, and liking that she was young and his type. But he's never had that desire with me not even on our honeymoon. And what about me? I haven't felt loved and respected in our relationship but since we are making the decision to stay together and love each other, I dont withhold sexually. Why does he get to?

I don’t think it’s right to say “no sex until you go down on me” lol that’s pretty forceful and manipulative hun. And yeah he’s a guy and he loves you I’m guessing so he’s gonna have sex. But as for oral, he’s not keen because certain words you have said or things you have done had made him look at you different I guess. And he probably just don’t feel right to give head. I understand though. There’s been times I felt like that where I’ll have sex but if I don’t feel the connection I won’t give head . I think you should talk to him. Communication is everything. Maybe apologise if you have disrespected him before etc. tel him how much you love him and appreciate him. Stroke the ego. and end it with you really miss his oral. He might feel less resentful. But if he doesn’t want to give head don’t force it. Should be natural

@Amy that's makes sense, thanks girl. I really am not trying to be manipulative about not wanting to have sex if he doesn't want to go down on me. It's more that it's become a total turn off for me at this point. That i want to and he doesnt want to, i just dont feel good as a woman it makes me feel less desired which makes me insecure during sex. The last few times we had sex I didn't even have orgasms (which is very different) because I've been so in my head about all this. As a woman I feel shame about all this, like my man doesnt want to be intimate with me. How could I blame him if he does cheat in future if now he loses even just normal sex. I asked him if it's anything with hygiene or the weight gain with pregnancy, or how i taste, and he insists its not. But I don't completely believe him. I feel like if I was more physically attractive, he wouldn't be able to stay off of me and withold.

You are going to just have to tell him all that literally and see what he says, but ultimately it’s his choice what he wants to do and trust me I understand because I went from being in a lesbian relationship too my hubby and he’s not the most into it because he thinks he’s shit and I’m also not great LOL so we kind of decided we don’t have to do it - there’s no pressure. So now if one of us wants to do it, then they can and I prefer it that way, because if he kept pressuring me like I see some of the post on Peanut where men pressure their women to give head or to have sex when the woman is postpartum or even when the man has cheated before, and now the woman feels like she has to do it so he doesn’t cheat again. This is all unhealthy and no one should feel like that so please talk to him.

@Amy I agree. If the shoe was on the other foot and I was been pressured to put something in my mouth that I didn't want to I would feel like crap and then I really wouldn't wanna do it

Hold on.... you blackmail him into giving you oral sex.... 😳Ermm you know that's a form of sexual abuse right and I'm not even been OTT If a man said were not having sex unless you suck my dick .... Ermm wow. I'm in shock

I can see why you saying he was unattractive would have made him feel shit. But clearly not that shit if he still wants to have sex 😂 I do think it’s pretty selfish of him to say ‘right neither of us will give oral,we’ll just have sex’ because then he gets to climax and you don’t,necessarily. Most women don’t climax from penetration alone! But yeah in the same token, you can’t give an ultimatum either. It needs an open and honest conversation about what you both want and need from your relationship, both emotionally and sexually

It's kinda like you're coercing him and using him for oral. I mean even if you do it too, if you have an expectation of reciprocity, that's not really doing it because you want to. That's just doing something to get something in return.

@👑Jess👑 that's why I brought how we met and our sexual start, because at the beginning I did use him oral. And I think that's why he is subconsciously withholding now. I do have an expectation of reciprocity with having an orgasm overall. I am trying to give him sexual pleasure and an orgasm. Why wouldn't he? I'm so confused

Okay if you had a daughter and she came to you and said.... Mum, my boyfriend said he won't have sex with me unless I give him oral sex... Would you be like, well yh you have to do it....

You can't moan about shit he's done and then use it to justify blackmailing him for oral sex.... If you're not happy with him then break up with him. But you're not a kid, this whole tit for tat is toxic. An trust me it is blackmail. I would only want my partner to do something that they enjoyed. I wouldn't enjoy oral sex from my partner if they were only doing it because I nagged them. I want my partner to enjoy what ever they do to me. It's like people who have sex with someone and its clear the person isn't enjoying it. Its borderline rapey.... I get off knowing my partner is getting off. It turns me on to see my partner enjoying themself. Sex/intimacy isn't suppose to be selfish.... An noone and I mean noone should be physically or emotionally made to do something they don't want to. It's basic sex education taught in pshe.... no means no, and a person has a right to say no.

I don't care if someone has been married for 50 years. If he doesn't wanna kick your vagina and you use ultimatums to make him do it that's sick. An the fact you don't realise it is also very worrying. If you discussed this with a Councillor, police officer, adult social worker.... I garentee you it would be seen as completely wrong..... Alot of things like this are overlooked and brushed off because its the woman doing it.... I swear if my kid was in a relationship and his partner was saying what you're saying I would knock her into next week. He's not a human sex toy. Go buy a Rose or a sucky/ licky sex toy. Then go get help 🤢🤢🤢

You're turning him off that's why he doesn't wanna do it. Keep going and he will run a mile

I think he’s making excuses. Why don’t you both stick to using hands to turn each other on there’s plenty foreplay you can do. Feeling like you need to have sex with him to stop him from cheating is super unhealthy. You don’t trust this man

@Kelly agreed about the trust piece. What do you mean you think he's making excuses?

Have you guys thought about seeing a counsellor together? It would probably benefit you two greatly to have a neutral partisan to help see each others point of views…

He’s blaming the fact that he’s not giving oral on him feeling disrespected in the relationship. I think that’s trash, I’m sure you felt disrespected when he cheated on you. I agree with you that he’s being lazy. I dont know why everyone’s giving you a hard time when he’s the one who’s cheated and isn’t making an effort to please you during sex

Basically I think he wants everything his own way! Doesn’t sound like he wants to give you any pleasure but is happy to receive it. You can’t give an ultimatum but as you stated, he’s the one who cheated! If my partner cheated on me there would I’m sure be a time where I found him unattractive, it’s bound to turn you off! But if you’ve worked past it and moved on, you should both be wanting to please each other. I wonder if he’s using that as an excuse and not being honest about why he doesn’t want to pleasure you too. Hope you can have an honest conversation

I would look into couple therapy , it’s deeper than sex issues . It only will get worse with time , and this problem won’t be solved on its own .

If he's saying sex is the only good thing about the relationship, you've got much deeper problems than just oral sex