So me and my husband have had a bit of an up and down with oral sex. Giving, receiving and it not being equitable.
We have been together for 5 years and when we first met, I had just got out of a relationship and did not want to have sex with someone. But I did want to cuddle so we would lay in bed and cuddle until that turned into him giving me oral sex all the time and me stopping it from going further. Of course after a few weeks I gave in and we had sex. At the time, based on my previous sexual experience, I didnt enjoy giving oral because I didn't think I was good at it. Well in my relationship with him, he was very persistent in gently communicative what he liked and how much he liked it, until I built up confidence and enjoyed doing it. After a couple months I was giving him oral every time we had sex consistently, and he was too.
After a year or so when we moved in together that changed. He cut back bow much he was giving significantly. Now I was giving every time but he was only giving 1 out of every 5. He correlates this to when he started feeling disrespected by me all the time. He had lost his job and i told him im not attracted to him at one point, we have always had lots of relationship conflict and trauma.
From a body perspective - After going through abortion, miscarriage and pregnancy, of course my body wasn't ready for oral a lot of the time so it completely stopped for a while. Well now I am, post delivery 8 months and my sex drive has been super high before and after delivery. I want my oral but it's like pulling teeth which is a whole turn off in itself. I want my man to be fantasizing about tasting me and thats one of the parts he enjoys most about sex. And vice versa. If there's all these things we don't do that we used to do, it just feels...less connected.
Now it's become this whole his psychological state and how I make him feel respect wise, that affects his interest or motivation on giving oral. But his interest in receiving oral and having sex is always there. He always wants to have sex. But he doesn't want to give oral until I bring it up and then I'm talking about once a year type.
His resolution was, ok well noone gets oral we will just have sex. So he will fondle and then put in. Which is so lame to me. In fact the last time I didn't care about keeping score I just wanted to give him oral and he still didn't give me any.
I honestly think its mostly laziness. He got to a point in the relationship where he is meeting his needs and doesn't care about me, because he feels uncared for and u loved outside the bedroom. I keep telling him this that I don't want to have sex and just go thru the motions. I want it to be true love making and a place we are both emotionally safe, and its not right now. But he keeps insisting that sex is one of the last good parts about our relationship and if we take that away there is nothing that feels good between us. I'm afraid that if I do what I want and say hey let's not have sex until we fix our relationship ship he is going to be watching porn and cheating.
We already had a discovery of his cheating prior to marriage, when he made out with a girl at a bar and asked her on a date. So I feel backed into a corner like I can't get what I want in my relationship sexually and not get cheated on.