Mil being a monster again. The drama gets juicier and juicier.

We're going out of town so that my in laws can see our son for the first time. And me and my MIL haven't really gotten along well. She ruined my wedding while I was pregnant by being weird towards my mom and making everything about race she's a white woman who adopted black children mixed children and other white children. She made a comment about the table her and her family sat at being the all white table around my predominantly black family and told us a story about how she almost bought a shirt with monkey's on it for our unborn son and luckily my SIL stopped her. She completely ignored my postpartum requests for me and my husband to have two weeks to ourselves and for her to get a hotel or Airbnb when she came. She TOLD us that she was going to come stay with us so that she could have one on one time with our newborn son. We told her no. She managed to book a flight days before the other inlaws were scheduled to be in town which means she'd have to be on our couch. The icing on the cake was that she would go through my husband to ask about how I was doing or ask questions about anything pertaining to my pregnancy. We'd been together three years and this lady had both my phone number and social medias. While I was delivering she called my husband to ask how things were going and he has to tell her to ask me herself. After bleeding out on the surgery table and having complications with my birth and c section she texts my husband asking if she could come early because I ended up delivering earlier than expected when he told her no she then texted me and asked me. While I was fresh off the table. The only reason she didn't end up coming or staying with us or intruding on us and completely stressing me out during my postpartum experience is because she had a fall so she couldn't come. Fast forward my son's 4, months old now and we're less than two weeks away from our trip there she paid for the hotel for us which is sweet but it always comes with a cost. We'll video call them every other day so they can see him they never call us for anything. If I don't text them they don't text me. If I don't call them they don't call me. I had month long periods of trying to reach out and show that I'm committed to building a relationship but I gave up after realizing it was one sided. Also my MIL lied and told my husband that she feels like I don't like her and she always calls and I never answer. I had to turn pull out call logs and text messages to defend myself. Anyways I don't forgive her for making my pregnancy and birth AND postpartum experience about herself. But it seemed like we really turned a corner with us being cordial at least. But I was sadly mistaken. Yesterday she tells us she's coming up to spend Christmas with us and the baby. We already had plans for us to spend the first Christmas together with JUST us. And how she wants to come up every 3 months to see him. My husband just flat out says no. We have to plan these things you can't just tell me what your going to do. And she immediately flips it like he said he didn't want her around him. Then she flips it on him and says well her family gets to see him all the time (they don't) she then has him turn the camera to me and she says he said I have to schedule a appointment to see my grandchild. I said very politely no I think what he meant was he works and he needs to check his schedule and see when he's off before you go and start making plans. She said oh I don't care about that. I want to see my grandson. This is the exact attitude she took on during my entire pregnancy birth and postpartum experience. Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch I wouldn't have a problem with her coming out to see him every three months if she went about it RESPECTFULLY. If she asked instead of telling us what she was going to do. If she wasn't so entitled and selfish about everything. Not only that but we don't have that kind of relationship where I feel comfortable with being around her alone with my son. But I could look past all of that and allow it if she showed ANY consideration towards me. If she didn't make everything about her and what she wants. Then get passive aggressive when she doesn't get her way. She's also really weird about my husband she constantly says that she gets jealous when my mom (his mil) calls him son in her posts and comments on his page because SHE'S his mom not her. Also her begging to see my son's butt birthmark. She gets really weird about babies. I already want this trip to be over. I genuinely don't know what to do at this point.
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Ever try talking with her alone? She seems to have conversions on phone video calls with both of you. I find video call awkward I don't even face camera even if I call my mum. It's bizarre and weird to me. Video grandkids makes sense. But camera up my face, no. Also u guys going see her.. so her son does want to go see his mum. You mentioned bad experiences with other 2 sons or something we don't get it? We're the sons terrible or daughter in laws? I think what I got out of it the most , aside from your lucky ur man has support fit you.. you want her to care about you, be considerate , etc she can't care for you the way you want her to. She not your momma even if your momma was good or terrible . You should be happy she wasn't texting or reaching out for month or so. Why so stressed? New born stress and in laws are real when your recovering. It becomes exaggerated every thing. They become exaggerated too in laws.

I’m so sorry ❤️ Personally I do kind of get the thing about your mom calling your husband her son thing, my MIL posted me for National daughters day and we’re actually close but I’m like ick, you didn’t raise me ma’am 😬 But the rest of it is definitely ridiculous. I would just stand firm on your boundaries and if she chooses to plan a trip that doesn’t work for y’all she can spend the majority of her time in her hotel room alone and see how that works out 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Morgan dude I was in the hospital for like two weeks. And the ONLY reason she wasn't there was Because it was a HELL NO from me and him and I let her know myself straight up that I didn't want that.

@kayla I definitely agree but she's the kind of person that isn't afraid to overstep or do what she wants. She has really bad experiences with her two sons and their wives I'm guessing this is why. It was probably easier for them to not talk to her at all or come around at all then talking to her over and over again like we've been doing

@kayla I'm trying to learn she's just one of those people who are outwardly really sweet to ppl and she's seen as this fragile old lady by everybody but she does the most naive and evil things. And then she cries every single time she's confronted about it.

I have THE SAME problem. My birthing experience was traumatic and I had multiple infections and high fever. I stayed for nearly two weeks. Our newborn was discharged before I was. My MIL would not leave 🤦 she was loud, not helpful at all, kissing my baby, interrupting the nurses because she's a nurse, diagnosing me incorrectly and wouldn't STFU about it, stared at my breasts while I was nursing and trying to pump, GRABBED my breasts to "help". She still tells us she's coming without checking with us first. I took her house key away and told her to only come when she is invited over. I feel for you. You're very straightforward with her, but she clearly has not even an ounce of respect.

the distance between you guys is the healthiest thing you could be doing for you, your partner, and your in-laws

i could swear we have the same mil. i’m glad your husband is sticking up for you and acting as a united front. she’s never going to change honey, don’t expect it and don’t get upset when it doesn’t happen

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