Baby Shower

Am I the asshole for not wanting my MIL to throw me a shower. She invited people I don’t know and I don’t know 98% of the people going. I have some friends and a couple of my family members but that’s it. Don’t get me wrong I’m extremely grateful for everyone attending. i’m just getting a lot of anxiety about going and random people touching my belly etc.
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This is so valid! My mother in law also did my baby shower but the plan was that me and my mum would be very involved. I specifically asked to do the invites so I was comfortable with who was there (only wanted about 10 people) but she invited her friends I’d never met. She also invited my BIL girlfriend who I hadn’t met and said I didn’t want to invite and invited people the girlfriend knew and I didn’t so that she would know people and feel comfortable! I felt like she was taking my day and making it into a “grand baby shower” for herself rather than a baby shower for me. In the end I said I’d really rather it was just the small group I wanted initially and my husband and father in law really backed me up. I was soo anxious and upset that I spent the whole morning in tears because I didn’t know who would be there. I asked to invite my BILs girlfriend myself if it was that important for her to be there but she went directly to her herself and asked her to come earlier and set up

I would let her, but tell her that you're worried about getting sick for the baby's safety, so she needs to run interference with her friends so nobody gets too close.

I did a small shower with my family and friends and it was awesome. I would never have approved to a shower with strangers and people I don’t know. What’s the point

For me it's a no... She's doing it for her own selfish reasons. She's throwing herself the shower... Her way her friends her grandchild.. I'd not want to do that at all.. I would prefer small shower with my people.. Her shower is symbolic of what's to come m. So no

Nta. It’s your day. It should be spent with people you want there. If you feel uncomfortable then do what is best for you!! Have your partner help verbalize it also! My wedding was 99% strangers and I hated that so much. Never again will I allow her (mil) to dictate events for me.

You’re absolutely not the asshole. It’s uncomfortable to have a lot of people you don’t know there and having a baby is in my mind something to be celebrated with close friends and family only. I think it’s weird she would invite her friends to something like that!

We canceled the baby shower because of this, MIL tried to invite more people than we were comfortable with so we canceled it for everyone and she still threw us a "surprise" one when we had a strict boundary on no baby shower (at least it was only them and she didn't invite everyone she was trying to)

@Rica I agree with the idea here of stay sitting at a table that will block touching if you can. Or keep your hands on your belly, move away from people trying to touch, ect. Also agree with @Marina about maybe having someone there to help redirect or stop that from happening too. You might find that no one tries to touch your belly besides MIL, but you definitely don't need to put up with randos potentially touching you either.

Ugh I hate the touching thing. Tell them no! But I'm super extroverted so I'd love it. They better give yoi gifts though. Good luck mama

Lol even better bring back up for possible belly touching. Having a other person to tell people no for you if your not comfortable doing it yourself.

I dont understand the problem? Why do people think you just have to have one huge flashy shower? Have your own private shower a different day; with your few family members and friends. Its not the decorations or food that makes it special its celebration with family in love ones. She wants to throw you a shower let her. Yes its all going to h Be her friends people she knows ect. She's probably super excited too wants to show off. Not wanting people to touch you i completely understand. No normal person is just going to randomly touch your belly without permission even a stranger but I understandyour worries. .. ( however some people are crazy and feel self entitled) just be upfront and honest if they try to touch you tell them NO !!!! If they get offended so what!! let her throw you one.dont stress about it. Have one yourself that you can enjoy too.

I felt the same way and she threw me one anyways… she didn’t introduce me to people either, she introduced my belly to them saying “this is my grandchild!” And i felt so awkward being touched by a million strangers without consent

All them random people better bring a gift! If you can’t get out of it: Don’t play any games where ppl have to touch you. Have your friends make your plate. Sit at the table the entire time & blame it on back pain. Wave and smile but dont reach out for hugs. Blame that on covid and the baby’s safety.

You might get lots of extra gifts lol but just go enjoy your day and put the idea of tummy touching out of peoples head.... just say no I'd prefer you didnt touch and move away people will get the hint

you have all right mama to feel how you feel !! she should have spoken to you about it in the first place about it ! especially because it’s not a surprise bb shower . You are top priority and it’ll be your day

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