My husband thinks we don’t need daycare because we WFH

You both should have a discussion and he needs to read some literature on children. There are light hearted books out there like hunt, gather, parent and french kids don't throw food which sum up infant and toddler years and what parents needs to go through but that is a very bad expectation. There is no way you can focus and do well in your job and keep your baby/child safe at the same time even if you both wfh

Hard agree with Leslie. I’m mostly convinced the only way people work from home full time with kids is 1) if their jobs aren’t demanding at all (something like they only have to send a few emails an hour) or 2) they ignore their child and/or plop them in front of a screen all day. If your husband still isn’t convinced, check both of your employment contracts. Many employers are now specifying that working from home is not a substitute for securing childcare for young children.

Believe me he will definitely reconsider after one day with the baby. What’s going to happen if you’re both in a meeting or on the phone and he starts screaming because he’s hungry or does a blowout and you’ll have to change him? They want to contact nap most of the day, who is going to sit there with him in a wrap on you when he naps during the day? Whose going to give up an hour because the baby just won’t stop crying? You cannot work and look after a 3 month old without neglecting them as you won’t be able to attend to all their needs if you’re both busy doing something else. You can’t plonk a newborn or infant in front of the TV all days as they need constant attention.

i think it depends on how well you work with doing two things at once, so i have always worked from home through 3 children, i was a hairdresser, then i did uni from home half in lockdown with 3 of them myself, now im a therapist/psychologist, my children never had screen time, when they were newborns i baby wore and did peoples hair and then when they were older i just used to put them to play next to me in the same room and put songs on or sing to them etc, once work moved onto a laptop i sat on the floor with them with my laptop typing as i went in between doing stuff with the kids, the only thing i have not been able to do whilst having my children at home is therapy calls because obviously i need quiet and confidential issues, so i timed them for when i had help from my mum, it is doable but it is hard and you have to learn to highly multitask which is not doable for some people, if your jobs are both like on the phone or in meetings then no not really, but for example my mum..

shes an accountant/payroll person, and shes going to have my newborn for 4 hours a day once a week and she’ll work at the same time doing that, so it’s definitely doable without neglecting their needs or your work but its just hard x

If you have a high needs baby and an intellectually demanding job, it absolutely is impossible to WFH with baby without either doing a terrible job of your job or ignoring baby's needs.

@Charlee

@Ella i dont feel like i did a terrible job at either so i dunno, but people work differently and depends on who they are as people, i know some mums who even when their kids are at full time school cant manage a job aswell, so its all dependent on the person. i did a degree at home with 3 children and got a first so definitely didnt do terrible at that and all 3 of my children have secure attachment, independent and have never had any needs neglected nor have they had screen time, so i dont think ive done terrible there, so definitely not impossible x

@Charlee I didn't say you did a bad job. What I'm getting at is, your experience is not universal. Just because you made it work doesn't mean every family can.

@Ella oh no i completely get that! 3 comments had been posted saying it was impossible and that you would neglect your child or neglect your work if you didnt use daycare, i was just giving another perspective that yes although it is not ideal and it is hard it is not impossible in every family because some families (mine) it was doable, dad may have opinions on not wanting his child to go to daycare, i dont trust daycares and i have a completely seperate opinion on sending babies to daycare as it’s emotional detachment, so maybe dad has something like that in his head which is completely vaild, so just giving the op another viewpoint. but my life is definitely not universal no.

@Charlee sure, I see what you're saying. OP has already said she doesn't think it's feasible with her job though. So you don't really need to try to convince her otherwise.

@Ella i was more responding to the fact she was saying dads opinion was based on that he may be missing how much work a baby is, and im just saying he may completely understand how hard a baby is however he would prefer not to send a small baby to daycare and would rather them work together and do it in their relationship, him having faith in both of them being able to do it is actually a compliment to their relationship and both their parenting, so i was just making the point from that side of the argument, they didnt really say what dads opinion on the topic was, just that the posters opinion was that he is ignorant to how much effort it is, also alot of first time mums think alot before they have the baby and then when the baby comes theyre like ohh maybe its not that bad, like i thought before i had kids that you would literally be changing nappies until they were like 10 or something 😂 the way everyone made out was that babies poo like ducks every 20 minutes, and…

it really worried me, i bought so many nappies and wipes in anticipation for this poop machine, my first baby pooed like once every 2 days, so it was not how i imagined at all, and the same may apply to them, they may know people that have struggled with babies and doing other stuff, however they may get a real chilled baby and parenting just flow really naturally and be able to multitask for them, they wont know until they do it, so was just more making the point don’t completely rule it out until youve tried

It would depend on your jobs and your contract. My contract includes a clause that I can't look after dependants while working. My bub will need to go into full-time care when I go back to work because I manage a team and spend quite a lot of time in meetings. There is no way I could give my staff and work my full attention while trying to also care for a baby (even if my contract would let me).

We kinda thought the same thing. Then, a month in, we were drowning. Experience is the best teacher. 👌

@Jenna this is the point i meant, individual experience is the only definitive way youll know x

Thanks guys. He’s coming around, was just being a bit stubborn with this idea he made up in his head. He’s convinced most people don’t send their kids to daycare if they work from home. Unfortunately it’s not because he has faith in our relationship, lol — although we do, generally! — it’s more about money and the fact that he vastly underestimates how much work a child is. He listens to me, and we will do what we’ve got to do, and honestly it’s not something we can’t afford. My job is very deadline driven with an often heavy workload that requires lots of focus for big projects. He runs his own nonprofit and is on scheduled calls basically all day. I told him he can’t argue with me about a thing child-related until he cracks open those baby books!

Also, maybe worth adding — he was 100% raised by full-time nannies since he was an infant, and his father was away every single week on business. His dad basically visited on weekends. His mom is wonderful but was pretty upfront about the fact that she “didn’t do kids”. I love the man, but he fully admits he has zero experience with children and, to be honest, nor do his parents — as far as being a hands-on parent is concerned. I adore them and absolutely respect their parenting decisions, but this might give a little more background as to why he could have a skewed idea of what parenthood entails. I’ve learned a lot from my parents.