In-laws overstimulating baby

So my in-laws are obsessed with my baby, their granddaughter, which is sweet. But they are so overwhelming and overbearing. They want to visit all the time. I’ve now managed to limit them coming to see baby once a week. Each of these visits have been stressful and cause a domino effect. After each of their visit baby has been unable to take her naps for the rest of the day, she scries uncontrollably, wakes up too often at night or cannot go back to sleep. They are constantly in her face which overstimulates her and she gets overtired. I have now asked them not to, I warn them when I see she’s getting tired and needs to wind down for a nap, but they keep going ignoring my request. I don’t feel respected as a parent in my own house. I asked my partner to speak to them but his response is “grandparents will be grandparents”. But at the same time he gets frustrated when our baby is fussy and doesn’t sleep/keeps us up. I’m constantly on edge when they’re visiting, I don’t know how much longer I can cope. Anyone experienced something similar? What did you do?

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I would tell them that if they don’t respect the necessary time needed to wind down, they will not be able to come over or they’re visit times will be shortened. Maybe when you think she needs to wind down just take her and then nobody will be able to hold her again or interact ?

Could you visit their house instead of them visiting you? That way you’re in control of when you leave, so you know she has time to wind down after a visit 👍 xx

Why is it always the MIL?! Mine is exactly the same! And when baby is screaming from over tiredness she acts like she can’t hear him and just sits their happily drinking her tea whilst I’m practically in tears upstairs 🥲

Say 'shes tired', take her to another room and leave them in living room. You don't need anyone's permission to answer to your baby's needs

@Lo I do take my baby away but they follow and keep talking to her face. I have to tell them repeatedly not to and they just don’t take the hint so I end up leaving the room with her which upsets them 🙄 We visited them too but it was also terrible. They have no boundaries and don’t accept mine. Baby was cranky the whole time and only settled with me which they got annoyed with 🙄 The reason why I really struggle with their behaviour is because they had 2 children and already have 2 grandchildren so you’d think they know better…

@Emily in our case it’s the FIL mostly. He is too much. I’ve snapped at him a few times. Then he makes comments to the baby “I’m being told to leave you alone by mummy. You need to sleep. Yeaaah.” He keeps going on til she cries or I can’t take it anymore and remove ourselves from the situation.

What I’d be doing is going to visit them or meeting them in public rather than having them round - that way I’d be free to leave whenever baby needed. Once people are in your house it’s hard to get rid of them!

@Florence yeah wtf? Mine always changes his position too? My partner in the end was just like stop! Just let him SIT 🙄 I wouldn’t trust her to look after him because she’s shown no interest in caring for him or offered to help out or look after him so I’m not gonna ask 🤷🏼‍♀️ she just wants to play with him

@Emily I honestly can’t believe how many people are having the same problems as me. On top of everything I already mentioned they also change positions and she gets annoyed and ofc I have to deal with the crying baby. To top it all, they’ve been offering to come over and watch her so we can go out for date night. But there is no way in hell I’ll leave my baby with them when I’m not here, especially cos I can’t leave them alone with her while I’m in the house.

@Liina I think you misunderstood… the issue is not with them spending time with her but the fact that they don’t understand babies need to sleep more and more often than adults. My baby is perfectly fine when other people hold her. But she gets super cranky when she’s tired. Because of them overstimulating her, she couldn’t go to sleep and was up for 4+ hours which is too much for a 3 month old. She was screaming for about 2.5 hours straight and she struggled to sleep at night. She normally only wakes up 2-3 times to feed. Instead she was up half the night screaming from being overtired.

@Liina there is nothing insensitive about setting boundaries. She’s voiced her concerns multiple times and is repeatedly being ignored and left to deal with the aftermath. Just because being exposed to different personalities is great for babies development doesn’t mean it’s okay to be done in an unhealthy way. If baby is loosing sleep, and has uncontrollable crying spells that outweighs being exposed to different people for extended periods of time. Bottom line is if someone can’t respect boundaries after repeat reminders from both parents then clearly an adjustment needs to be made.

My babies needs far outweigh any grown adult’s desires. I’m a very passive person but when it comes to my girls…I absolutely would not have the grace and patience you’ve shown. They wouldn’t be welcome in my home unless they agreed to respect little one’s needs and my decisions as the parent. And I would also set boundaries early on grandpa making passive aggressive comments to the baby about you. It’s disrespectful and inappropriate and needs to stop before your little one understands what he’s saying. There will be push back and they may try to make you feel guilty. But you know what is best for your baby. Hold strong to that.

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