in September 2023 Babies 🇬🇧

Am I a bad mum

My baby is 11 weeks and I absolutely adore him! He has terrible reflux, hates being on his back, only plays sometimes throughout the day but other than that, he gets really tired and just wants to feed and sleep. I do try take him out whether it’s running errands, having a mooch around shops or going to a cafe. And when he is awake I always sing, talk to him, show him different things and he’s smiling and babbling back. He also cries when I’m not in the room with him so going to the bathroom has been quite difficult. I’m currently doing this whole parenthood by myself whilst my husband works away from us and at first I thought I could do it but now I’m feeling a tremendous amount of pressure and strain on myself. I can’t help but compare myself to these mum influencers who somehow have it together, who constantly take their babies out, who have a million and one things planned for them to do and get I am struggling to get through the day. Most days, my baby just wants to be on me (I exclusively breastfeed) so we either spend most of the day in bed or on the sofa, and he loves contact napping so that’s what we do as that’s the only way he’ll sleep during the day. I feel guilty that he sleeps because a part of me thinks he should be awake and playing but then another part of me is like he’s only 11 weeks, still new to this world so him sleeping a lot is fine. The nights have become disastrous too - he only used to get up twice for a feed but now his reflux is causing him great discomfort so he’s up every hour squirming in pain and the only way he’ll sleep is on me so that’s affected my sleep too, and I do get irritated but for him I’d do anything to make him feel comfortable. I don’t have much of a routine, the only routine I have is taking him up at 8pm each night and getting him ready for bed which consists of changing nappy, a massage, into his pjs, and then a feed and cuddle before transferring him into his crib with some days are a success and others like these past few nights, aren’t. I feel like our ‘daily’ life is boring compared to other mums and their babies and I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. I basically feel like a bad mum for not doing much with him. Can you please give any advice to help me at any part? Apologies for the long post, I just needed this off my chest.

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Just came to say that you sound like a fantastic mum. Your life is real and the stuff you see on insta/fb isn't a true representation of what life with a baby is like. Don't put yourself down! You are doing a brilliant job and the fact you are doubting yourself proves how devoted you are ❤️

You’re not a bad mum at all.. in fact it sounds like you are smashing it. We generally only get out to do the school drop off and pick up and we started a baby class on a Thursday morning. It sounds like this is your first child so enjoy being able to stay in bed in the morning because if you have more children you’ll look back on this time and wish to be able to stay home instead of the dreaded school drop off and pick 😊 xx

You sound like you're an absolutely brilliant mum, please go easy on yourself. This shit is hard! Influencers on social media never post the reality of motherhood because, let's face it, who would actually want to see that? We go on socials to escape from reality! Please don't think you're a bad mum, because from what you have written your son has a very caring and loving mum who does everything in her power to make him feel happy and loved. And that is all a baby needs. 💕

Reflux is so tough. I am having a similar experience. Completely understand what you’re going through. Try not to compare, especially to what you see on social media, comparison is the thief of joy! Unfollow anyone who is making you feel rubbish, or try having a complete detox. If you can’t, there is an influencer who shares the reality of reflux. Her name is Kristianatiana. There is also a reflux group on Facebook that is very supportive. After a lot of deliberation, I have decided to try some medication for my little one but I’m not sure if it will help. I just hold on to the hope that this time will pass ❤️‍🩹

Omg don't even look at influencers... secondly amazing and well done for parenting on your own ....it's tough with no support. It's your first baby so enjoy the lazy days...I know I felt guilty too but I EBF and it's fine feeding them (and you) and changing them is more than enough! Singing and chatting to baby is plenty....baby massage and bicycle legs if you can ....their systems are still immature so wind and gas can cause the pain. Nights can be really bad....would you ever consider co-sleeping using the safe sleep seven? Babies tend to sleep best beside us. I co-slept with my first from week 5 and had a pod in the bed initially to help me feel safer about it but just follow the safe sleep 7 and it should be fine. I was so anxious but was the best thing for my sleep. My little boy co-sleeps with me from day one and I have not been as tired 2nd time around even with a toddler. I felt way more tired on my 1st as I tried so hard to get her to sleep in her moses basket. Ur doing amazing ❤️ xx

You can ignore my advice but I wish someone had given it to me with my first! "Imagine they're your second child", with my first I felt guilty for not doing enough, no matter what I did, it never felt like enough! Now I've got my second, I dream of being able to do even half of what I did with my first, there's just not enough hours in the day! But I'm not alone in this, second children never get the same as the first but they all turn out fine and loved! So imagine they're you're second, you're doing more than enough and you're doing what you can, they'll know they're loved and they'll still thrive! You've got this! ❤️

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