MIL

Over the years, I’ve always said yes to everything my MIL wanted to do with my son. At first I thought it was all nice and jolly. I was a younger mom, and I’ve always struggled with people pleasing. Even with saying, this is my son and I am his mother. Looking back, it was literally co parenting with her. She will dress my son for every special occasion. Once again I thought it was nice at first. But 5 years in, I came to realize it was all her and not me. She will want him to sleep over often. I would always say yes even when I didn’t want him to go. She likes to beat me at everything and now she can’t because I got it. Now it’s been one year since we live 10 mins away from her. He hasn’t been allowed to sleep over, she was upset about it. And to top it off, I had another baby. With this baby, I’ve set boundaries. I’m never going to let her take first place in my childrens life’s again. I’ve felt like she feels I’m incapable of a lot of things, especially holidays. And I’ve been saying no more often. And she’s creating drama around how I do things and I’m ignoring her. She’s very generous, I’d be lying if I said she’s not generous with me as well. She’s not telling me anything directly but I hear about it from her family how sad or w.e it is that I do is making her feel a certain way. I want to lay it out all on the table but at the same time I just want to keep my distance because idc anymore. I have love for her and she’s a great grandma to my boys her love language is gift giving. Which can be very overwhelming but I can’t take that away from her, I’ve set soft boundaries for really big gifts. I want to have a respectful relationship with her. I just want to be the one to be the mom and not be in the side lines like I’ve allowed all these years. Lastly, she was going to my sons games and practice. I was seeing them at least 3 times a week. And I had a very hard time this past month and instead of asking if I was ok, she messaged my husband and said, she won’t be going to my sons games because she caught a vibe from me…I’ve seen her since and I’m still bothered by that. Like damn, I feel like I always have to be a prefect mother and gives me anxiety because of small stuff. Like “oh, you don’t have a sweater”. And she’ll go to her car and pull one out for my boys. I get anxiety. She wants to know where I bought my boys clothes, I’ve even caught her looking at what brand clothes it is. Idk any advice. I can go on forever. Not to mention my boys look like her kids and her. Yeah I don’t think I should be around her lol