So apparently i hurt my mother in law feelings š¤¦š»āāļø me and my partner decided to take my mother in law and his grandmother to dinner. At dinner she said she had a question for me.
She asked me when will the baby be allowed to spend the night at her place, my response was when she is one or maybe 2.
She got upset and said no way thatās crazy, are you serious wow.
I said didnāt he tell you this, we spoke about it and he agrees, he told me he already had said this to you.
She said no and was starting to cry, when the food came and conversation was changed.
While we eating her niece walks in and joins us for dinner. She tells the niece you not going to believe what she told me referring to me with a attitude, proceeded to tell her niece i told her the baby wouldnāt be sleeping over till she one or maybe 2 year old, her niece said yes thatās normal my baby is 18 months and she havenāt spend the night with anyone and Iām not planning on that any time soon, referring to her daughter.
His mom responded by saying ooh your son was always spending the night with me and her niece responded, well i was living with you thats why and its different with girls is a different attachment. Well she got mad at her niece too. Conversation ended.
We go drop off his mom and grandma and she invites us upstairs, while at her place she shares with her 16 and 23 year old how I said the baby couldnāt spend the night till she is 1 or 2
The 13 year old said, you know how many kids she raised with a attitude, the 23 year old said wow thatās insane, thatās to long.
The conversation quickly was changed.
Shortly after that she starts talking about how she already planning the baby first birthday, my partner said no we donāt know what we doing yet and we donāt want anything over the top, her response to him was Iām going to do what ever i want as extra as i want in my place, he said something like no she said well ya donāt need to come š„“
To be honest any other time I wouldāve said idk about that question asked at dinner but she has been acting insane.
Purchasing bed for baby, high chair and everything she would need for baby to be at her place. She has been pushing to go to sonograms, telling me in multiple occasions not to take epidural, not as a advice but demand. Planning baby first birthday party.
I asked my partner why havenāt he cleared all this things out with his mother. He said he has had this conversation many times but she doesnāt understand, and he said at this point i dont need to be explaining to any of them because i already told them what is going to be. when the baby is here we are going to show them.
All of this is honestly making very uncomfortable and anxious. Iām currently 37 weeks
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Baby isnāt even here yet and sheās being like that?! Jeez she sounds insane š„“ hold the line!x
The niece is awesome for having your back like that. I donāt agree itās different for a boy vs girl because at the end of the day itās your baby your rules no matter the gender but she stuck up for you which is nice.
My MIL had to be told multiple time by myself and my husband what our boundaries are. She also tried pinning us against each other with half truths and blatant lies. As long as you and your partner are a united front and communicate open and honestly with each other youāll be okay ā¤ļø
I actually donāt know anyone whoās let their LO stay over with someone any younger than 3 or 4 so I think youāre being totally reasonable. I would absolutely hold your ground.
I have had to explain boundaries to my own mother and other members of my own family more than once. Sometimes I donāt think they understand, other times I think they do genuinely forget. It depends on the person!
She sounds insane lol. Like back the F off, the baby is yours and she canāt plan a birthday party without the parents. And I totally agree with sleep oversā¦ she thinks she has some rights but she doesnātā¦ you can limit contact with her
thats not even the half of it š«š„“
Iām happy and thankful that her niece didnāt agree with my mother in law, i was honestly scared she was going to have the same reaction.
Did it ever get better with your mother in law ?
exactly! I donāt think i will even be ready at 1 or 2. The way she is acting is making me never want to leave my baby with her. My partner told her you making it seem like you want to kidnap the baby, and she joked saying well yea š
she is insane lol
She thinks Iām a surrogate, she will have a second chance at raising her kids.
She actually said at dinner, Iām not going to be the same person i was to you guys( her kids) i will be totally different to the baby.
So she wants to do it all over differently š
I donāt think I would live my baby with her at all
Your baby is no body to share with when you donāt feel safe
Jesus. Baby isn't even here yet! She sounds unhinged! I wouldn't let her have the baby at all!
My top tip... Baby wear. And whenever you go over there, have baby in the sling, then she can't take baby from you and refuse to give them back!!
Love that the niece agreed with you too š
My boy is now 2 and never spent more than a couple of hours away from me!
she is crazy enough to ask to wear the carrier her self š„“ Iām not even joking.
She keeps saying she wonāt treat the baby the way she treated her kids as if the baby was her new kid and she had a second chance.
She wasnāt the best mother to her 4 kid, but Iām sorry that doesnāt mean you get to be a mom to my kids.
Me and my partner been together for 11 years and struggled with infertility. Iām not letting her play mommy with my baby when I waited so long to become a mom.
Honestly weāre no contact right now. In a lot of ways itās better but it was obviously a really hard decision to come to.
It may feel much more natural to have baby sleep over if sheās an actual grandparent who is supporting you guys. But sheās disrespectful and trespassing boundaries taking an arm where she hasnāt even been offered a finger. That feels extremely unsafe obviously. Sheās made up this whole scenario in her head and now itās crashing down and sheās angry. The expectation should definitely be made clear, and only access given in your home at set times to build up a trust relationship. Sheās destroyed it completely, to ashes. And obviously, keep her far away from the hospital. Dont let her know when youāre going in, only once born. ā sheās going to be a different motherā¦by completely waltzing over the children she actually does have, š okay lady, take several seats.
exactly!
Thank you!!!
She went and bought all of those things without even asking first, and after my partner telling her she kept acting like she didnāt hear him.
She is so entitled already š„“
I was told today Iām going to be induced soon and me and my partner made the decision to not tell her or his sisters, because of the pressure they would put on us and the way they would act if they had a day.
My partner asked me why I listen to her if i know, what she wants will never happen, but i had enough, how inconsiderate and careless she has to be to be doing all of this and making me feel this way my whole pregnancy, is only so much i can ignore her. Specially when she wonāt stop.
She been complaining about me wanting to give my baby a pacifier, over and over she complains about it.
When I already made my decided, but she swear she will make me change my mind by telling me she never did with her kids.
exactly!!!
She is being very irrational.
I know soon she will start to play victim. I already see it, but I wonāt allow it because I wonāt let her take from my experience as a first time mom, so she can be happy.
Youāll need a Maury type intervention āYou are NOT the mother!!ā
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