in Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

Anxiety & overthinking advice

Hi everyone, just wanting to get some peoples perspective and opinions as I’m really struggling. Also I’m sorry it’s going to be a long post but I’d appreciate it so much if you could take the time to read for me. For about 6 years now I’ve been diagnosed with bpd and anxiety. I‘be been struggling to leave the house recently, which has meant that my partner’s family is only seeing our son every couple of weeks - and they all live 5-10 mins away. I live hours away from my family so just travel so see them once a month. But the problem is that I am so stressed and anxious about what everyone will be thinking of me. I have told them in the past that I struggle with mental health, but that seems to all be forgotten and they are very judgemental of why I don’t bring him to see them much. The reason I’m extremely anxious about taking him to see them, is that he gets absolutely inconsolable when any of my husband’s family hold him. Even just being in their presence sometimes causes him to scream and cry. He is absolutely fine with everyone in my family and wonderful with my mum, even though he only sees her once a month. But the problem is it’s a vicious cycle, I know that in order for him to get better with my husband’s family, he needs to see them more so he can get over this, but I feel so stressed at the thought because it’s not easy to hear your baby get so distressed and upset, so I avoid the situation. I just can’t bring myself to do it. And I feel so more guilt for not taking him to see them more, but also I feel guilt when we are there because they all take it so personally that he isn’t content around them, and always ask me “what’s wrong with him?” My husband’s mother has also never looked after him in these 8 months, which really upsets her. She has a 2 year old herself, and my son just cried as soon as he sees her, and then his emotions just escalate and things get worse. She always asks me to let her look after him but I just can’t do that, knowing how upset he will get and i won’t be there for him. So I guess I’m just asking for some advice really, or some validation of my feelings… anything. I feel so guilty because he’s not just my son, he’s their grandson, great grandson, nephew etc. but my anxiety over the whole situation is affecting everything. I’m also naturally a recluse so I prefer staying home and being in the company of just me and my son, even when we go anywhere I prefer it just me and him - our little team lol🥰 so anytime I do take him to see people it is always for them, and for my son - but never me. I’ve been contacting mental health services multiple times recently for support, I keep getting told someone will call me back but they never do. I just needed to let all this out, and hopefully gain some insight from some of you. Thank you so much for reading to the end of this if you have. I don’t have any friends at all really so this will be the first time I’ve spoken to people outside of my family in a long while❤️

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Sorry I also just want to add, my partner’s family are extremely close knit. They all gather at his grandma’s house every evening and spend time today, everyday without fail. So me, my partner and my son really stand out with not joining with everyone. My partner doesn’t have a problem with it, he prefers not to go also for his own reasons. But this just adds to my anxiety because 30+ family members are all together all the time but we’re the odd ones out, which fuels my overthinking even more because god knows what they must think of me😔 I never call or text them, any interaction with them brings me so much anxiety because of everything. I just feel like I don’t fit in.

Hello Lilly, I feel you must do what's best for you and your little one. I'm happy to hear you are close to your mother and others on your side of the family, so you have support for yourself and the baby, which is so important. I understand being such a home-body and preferring to be alone with just you and baby. I'm similar. I know it's hard, but I think it will get easier when the baby gets a little bigger. The baby probably sences your uncomfortable there becomes upset. Baby is smart in this way. they pick up on how you feel around others. I see how so many people can become overwhelming. When there are a lot of people there. Causes not only you to become over stimulated but the baby too. Maybe mom in law can come see you and baby at a park where there is not so much going on. It could be calmer and easier on you and baby. Or start slow with phone call or short video chat when your ready. Maybe you can tell her how you feel talk with her since she loves you all Maybe she will understand.

If they are negative and unsupported maybe it better that you get them some space.

I'm happy you're reaching out to chat & sharing it good sometimes to get things off your crest.

You deserve to have some friends or some supportive people to talk to. I don't know if what I said here helps at all. I would like to be helpful to you. Thank you for sharing

Oh, and your baby is super adorable, btw 😊

I think therapy is great.it helps alot it can be a scary at 1st, but it helps a lot Don't stoping to get into therapy. Like I said, it helps to have someone to talk to.for real

@Brenda hello, thank you so much for all your comments and help. My mother in law actually came round to see my son one evening and he was amazing with her, laughing and smiling which was lovely. So I think you’re right it’s the environment which ends up upsetting him. Too many people and too overwhelming, plus also picking up on how I’m feeling. I’ve mention to my mother in law that she can come round any time and she should do more often, but the problem is I have a big dog and she’s very scared of them. I do put him in another room but she still says she’s uncomfortable. I think what I struggle with is everyone seems to look to me for answers with why my son gets as upset as he does, but I’m trying my best to get him more comfortable, and he also has his own personality - who knows, he might end up being similar to his dad and preferring his own space and being around few people, I really don’t know. But I’m also hoping he will grow out of this phase.

@Brenda but I will definitely try to keep seeking help. Thank you again❤️

Hey there, I just want to say that I struggled with depression anxiety for years. I did find that TMS therapy helped with my chronic depression but also mildly with my anxiety. But I will tell you when I move to Florida that my anxiety picked up again and it was pretty chronic and crippling. What really helped me was to see a therapist and also do some shadow work. If you are in Florida there are some people I know who can help you with this, but you may also be projecting these feelings to your child's. Children are very sensitive to energy is so of you have high anxiety and even higher anxiety around his family. Then your baby could be feeling that and that's why they are probably reacting the way they are. If I had to guess you probably feel more comfortable with your family than with your husband's family....

I’m sorry, I didn’t read all of your post. I also have bpd, anxiety, adhd & autism so I was only able to focus on the part where you have told them your struggles yet they expect you to go to them rather than them come to you. My family are the same. My children wouldn’t see their family if it wasn’t for me going to them. Granted baby daddy is not involved but if he and his family were then I’d defo be saying they come here & nothing else. Sending you lots of love and if you want to chat I’m always here xx

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