Anxiety & overthinking advice
Hi everyone, just wanting to get some peoples perspective and opinions as I’m really struggling. Also I’m sorry it’s going to be a long post but I’d appreciate it so much if you could take the time to read for me. For about 6 years now I’ve been diagnosed with bpd and anxiety. I‘be been struggling to leave the house recently, which has meant that my partner’s family is only seeing our son every couple of weeks - and they all live 5-10 mins away. I live hours away from my family so just travel so see them once a month.
But the problem is that I am so stressed and anxious about what everyone will be thinking of me. I have told them in the past that I struggle with mental health, but that seems to all be forgotten and they are very judgemental of why I don’t bring him to see them much.
The reason I’m extremely anxious about taking him to see them, is that he gets absolutely inconsolable when any of my husband’s family hold him. Even just being in their presence sometimes causes him to scream and cry. He is absolutely fine with everyone in my family and wonderful with my mum, even though he only sees her once a month.
But the problem is it’s a vicious cycle, I know that in order for him to get better with my husband’s family, he needs to see them more so he can get over this, but I feel so stressed at the thought because it’s not easy to hear your baby get so distressed and upset, so I avoid the situation. I just can’t bring myself to do it. And I feel so more guilt for not taking him to see them more, but also I feel guilt when we are there because they all take it so personally that he isn’t content around them, and always ask me “what’s wrong with him?” My husband’s mother has also never looked after him in these 8 months, which really upsets her. She has a 2 year old herself, and my son just cried as soon as he sees her, and then his emotions just escalate and things get worse. She always asks me to let her look after him but I just can’t do that, knowing how upset he will get and i won’t be there for him. So I guess I’m just asking for some advice really, or some validation of my feelings… anything. I feel so guilty because he’s not just my son, he’s their grandson, great grandson, nephew etc. but my anxiety over the whole situation is affecting everything. I’m also naturally a recluse so I prefer staying home and being in the company of just me and my son, even when we go anywhere I prefer it just me and him - our little team lol🥰 so anytime I do take him to see people it is always for them, and for my son - but never me.
I’ve been contacting mental health services multiple times recently for support, I keep getting told someone will call me back but they never do. I just needed to let all this out, and hopefully gain some insight from some of you. Thank you so much for reading to the end of this if you have. I don’t have any friends at all really so this will be the first time I’ve spoken to people outside of my family in a long while❤️