Would you bring up a conversation with your husband if you feel like you are not compatible? I don’t feel like we share the same values, opinions, morals, understanding. Even how we want to bring up kids. He’s got different idea of how we want a marriage to be and so do I.
He’s very much saying, a woman follows a man’s decision. Her having desires and wishes (me…) of how we should like to live her marital life causes issues to clash with the man’s leadership and makes him not able to lead the family as they will always clash due to differing opinions or wife disagreeing. She should keep her wishes and desires to herself.
BG: We got married fairly quickly to make it halal. His father passed away very quickly after, then we got pregnant short after. We didn’t have a blissful first year to say the least. He then started changing his want of how he wishes i to be as his wife. (2nd paragraph). We always disagree and he feels emasculated and feels like I am competing with him and not allowing him to be a leader etc.
I brought up this conversation and he took it personally. All I said, due to our disagreements and differing opinions sometimes I feel like we’re not compatible and I think about our future and I can’t see us being happy as we don’t share the same values. I have my own brain and have a way of wanting to live my marriage life (from before marriage. Which would apply to anyone else I might have married). I can’t b a robot and sit. But that’s how it feels like he wants me to be…
He didn’t like this convo. He says that he feels like he is being attacked and not allowed to feel the way he does or not allowed to have an opinion of how he wants to live his life. But that’s not what I said. I validated his feeling by saying you did your research and found this is the best way ou would like to live your life but I don’t agree with it. It’s not a woman’s job to stay in th kitchen and clean etc(that’s what he believes…). He says that I should keep these thoughts to myself (as he does..) as they are negative and don’t help the marriage. I said well if I don’t speak about tbem then we’re gonna continue having the same issues.
Anyway, would you have this convo with your husband or is he right to think that “compatibility” conversation should be left unsaid and you should instead work towards making it work…? But how do you make it work when you’re not talking about the foundational issue….