https://youtu.be/S0vfiYe7YCs?si=cKCSZnqCqXVpZKQb https://youtu.be/Jf6B4xk3kcI?si=yzOivshDqj8p5lWk https://youtu.be/hWa5VMwJ9RM?si=so0MBVvD4yOOa1tn https://youtu.be/ZzXWvDaBj3Y?si=RDKFDWr91y7fLUyX These look good to watch together If you're ever on the road in the car or something, this kind of thing might be nice to listen to as well :) Prayers for you both sis 💕
💕 The only conversations that aren't supposed to be had are those of your pasts prior to marriage. Stuff that is very much relevant, especially about your own marriage, is fair game. I'll post a couple links here, but there are probably loads more. If you pm me (won't expose your identity don't worry 😹) I can send you more but I'm sure you'll navigate the world of YouTube and figure out some good ones too by then :)
If there are any videos you recommend and can send, I would really appreciate it. Thank you 🤍
I don’t disagree, but I think there needs to be some sort of common ground between the two. Somethings they agree on? Perhaps if they both share similar Vision, morals or/and values that will let them envision their future. I hope that makes sense. I guess this is where “dating” comes in (non Islamic way). Plus, ngl as a man, you need to prove yourself that you are able to lead the family in the right direction. It’s hard to trust someone leadership when there are big red flags. Esp when these red flags are not Islamic or way of a Muslim man/woman. Also when a man says “control my wife” it tells me it’s more about “power” than leading to rightpath I like that idea of watching videos together, thank you. We have agreed to speak to an imaam which I think is a great idea to allow a mediator advise us. I’ve noticed that he doesn’t like to take advice from me and bcos I don’t agree with a lot he says, we clash. But is this conversation not supposed to be had? Am I wrong in bringing up?
Can't lie, women should by led by the head of the house in my opinion (to an EXTENT, don't come for me) BUT and this is a huge BUT the head of the house should be leading it appropriately. I honestly don't know how a lot of men would explain themselves to our beloved Prophet SAW if he were here to witness the state of our homes :( What about watching/listening to some marriage advice lectures or talks on YouTube? My husband and I used to make a habit of doing this during Ramadan - nothing specific to be honest, but it did open the floor to any discussions we could have and sharing our opinions on what was being said etc, and it felt nice, something collective and wholesome. Give it a go? Not witg the intention to try and manipulate his thoughts or anything, mindsets change over time and Allah SWT can help him change when he chooses to realise any flaws etc. Prayers for you both 💕
It’s hard to follow this leadership. No one’s perfect and only Allah knows I am not. But there are basics and when basics aren’t being fulfilled if makes it hard to see further into life when presently it lacks in a lot. He’s against couples counselling. I stopped asking now. He would like to speak to an imaam but I get the feeling it’s cos it’s the only way he will be like “I told you so”.
@Hadiyah thank you sister. I am big on compromise and always suggest it to our problems. But he feels like why should he compromise when it’s his right to make that decision or take control. He Uses words like control, authority, disobedient. “Your job”. I totally accept that it’s not a nice conversation to have, but sometimes it’s the hard conversations you need to have to be able to move forward. I don’t want to sit silent and few years down the line still have the same issues. Change doesn’t happen overnight and I accept that, but if we’re gonna come to a conclusion that we just aren’t meant to be, I don’t want to look back then and think I wasted years. I would love for him to lead us but I need to be on the same page. For him to respect that I have a brain and rational and logical and that I can help him too. Being qawwam doesn’t give him control, it’s a responsibility to bear. But when he isn’t paying all the bills, or praying, or appreciating me and what
Ask if hes willing to see and imam or muslim counselor to help smooth your marriage out. So that the counselor can here you and your husband and maybe help you find a healthy middle that will let you both breathe easy
Ok so heres the thing it doesn't sound like he wants to talk about it and if he doesn't want to, you cant make him because that does feel like an attack. You can try saying " is this a good time to talk?" Make sure hes ready for a conversation. can you try a healthy compromise ? Like getting a job at home or a job that's 2 days a week but gets you out of the house? Can you tell him "I want you to lead me but I have to agree with the direction you are leading. I am ok with this this and this. But I'm not comfortable with this can we compromise and do this instead? " even though the man leads it doesn't mean you have no say. If a general doesn't listen to the needs of the men he leads he wont be successful in battle. Leading is ultimately being of service to every other person before yourself in a way that helps you get to an agreed destiny or outcome. If you are competing with your husband that's going to emotionally torment him. Especially if you are better at leading a family than he is.
Side note these talks happen to be by the same speaker, wasn't intentional and I don't have any affiliation with him 😹 take the good from what anyone says 👍🏻