What would you do if your child’s father who’s been gone for eight years all of a sudden wanted to come back into his life?
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Supervised visitations. This man is wild and crazy that's why his wife left.
Your priority is looking after your child, not some grown man's needs. So don't feel pressured. If he's a safe and good person and it's not going to cause a world of strife for your child that's your call. If your child is interested that's your call. If he's unsafe? Likely to leave again, make it all about him and his needs to now step up, those are legitimate concerns. If he's legitimately stepping up and sticking around, that's great. But do what you need to do to with boundaries/rules and slowly starting it until you're certain and feel safe with the idea. Mum instincts are usually right. There are mums that are horrid and keep kids from their dad for no reason but he left for 8yrs and it seems you're genuinely trying to figure out what's the right thing. Good on you
Kayleigh your right.
Only supervised visitations if court ordered oh, but I will go to court and tell them he has been Mia for 8 years and try to get his visitation rights revoked you can’t just use when you’re gonna be a father and not
Ask your child if s/he wants to see their father, that's your answer..
I would move lol he was gone for 8 years. I am all for letting absent parents develop relationships with their children, but I do not support the in and out and I feel your son will love meeting his dad but who will pick up those pieces once he leaves again? You! And that’s not okay. It’s a new and present daddy in the house… let him take you to court for visitation so you can make sure he doesn’t miss visit!
What do you think your son would want? You know your son best, he may be mature enough to have a say in this decision. You certainly don’t have to maintain a relationship with this man, but it’s possible your son might want to try some sort of relationship with his dad. And your son should be aware that based on dads history, it’s very possible dad will leave again and cause disappointment.
Jo, He is the problem. Every woman he’s been with has left him.
You said you don’t know why the wife left him. But before allowing some stranger (because that’s who he is right now), have unsupervised visitation with him- you need to find out. Because that’s very strange that not only they divorced but he’s also not apart of his other children’s lives? It could be him, he could’ve beat them or god knows what else since he had that same controlling behavior with you. Personally wouldn’t allow visits, I would maybe get supervised at the most but I would make sure there a forth party with you when he’s visiting. What about starting very small and just allow video chatting? (FaceTime, Google meet)? Don’t allow people to guilt you into allowing him back just because after 8 years he’s ready. That wasn’t fair on you and your son- so if you need more time- give it more time because your safety and your sons safety is more important than anything. Good luck.
You don't want him his wife didn't want him .... something tells me he's the problem
If you know your son is better off without him then deny contact. If you think things might be different now then meet up with him at a coffee shop on your own and hear him out
I’m sorry this is something you have to experience, and I understand the hurt that he’s caused. At the end of the day, that’s still your child’s dad who he should be able to see and bond with. It doesn’t mean he has to spend the night at his house or be with him without you near by, but he definitely needs his dad in his life. It’s too many broken people out there and it’s because their dad isn’t there. If his dad doesn’t want to be in his life, that’s something on his dad, but if he’s wanting to be there, no matter how long it’s been, then he should be allowed to. People are allowed to change for the better.
Haley, I didn’t disappear because I wanted to. I disappeared because my family was moving to another state. Plus my son’s father accused me of killing my second son, when my second son died from SIDS. I said that he leaves my son with his brother who’s not allowed to be around children because he went to jail.
I would’ve made sure the judge knew he wished the child died. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with unsupervised visits however, that’s not your decision….It’s the judges. Legally if visitation was set up then you can’t just disappear.
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Ny, I’m sorry you had to grow up with an absent father. You’re right and I’m okay with having to answer to my son.
@ Amy, you’re not being a negative. He is just a piece of scum who wants his way.
If Im being completely honest, I would ignore him like he has probably done to you and your son for years. I wouldn't communicate with an abuser, what he has done is emotional abuse, dissappearing from your sons life for that long is neglect if he wants to drudge this all up again he'd have to take me to court, yes you will have to answer to your child we all will but I would make sure you're checking in on your son and his feelings about his father. As some one whose father was absent, even when he was around, I wish my childhood was more stable without him, and we could have reconnected when I was older, would have saved me a lot of money and time in therapy.
If it was me i wouldnt be having it at all. Hes already been manipulative to you in the past. And hasnt bothered until his new relationship failed? No way. Id be standing my ground and telling him he can go for visitation custody and thats all hes getting. If he fights for his son then you know he really wants this. Sorry to be negative but im just fed up of men parenting when they feel like it. Id be making him prove he wants to see his son.
@ Bethany, my son doesn’t even ask for his dad. And I would give him back visitation but his father would leave my son with his father and his brother who can’t be around children. Not lying on my son’s father brother, my son’s father told me this himself
It's definitely a tough situation. I'm dealing with something similar. My son hasn't seen his dad for 4 years but I know he's eventually going to come back and want to see us and I'm like ugh just stay away at this point, we're happy without you. But since your bd is supposed to have visitation with your son, I do believe you should let him see him. and one day your son will understand who was there for him and who wasn't and he'll make the decision himself.
Danny, he doesn’t have a good relationship with any of his kids. I’m not sure why the wife left him. I don’t want to know. I’m just happy in my relationship and the guy wants to be a father to my son.
How is his relationship with his other child? And another good question is why did she leave him? You want to make sure this man is changed if he’s truly wanting to be in your son’s life again
I would definitely let him have supervised visits and see how it goes from there. It’s about your son, so regardless of how he treated you your son deserves a chance to know his father. Upfront I’d definitely ask for it to be put on court records though so that he can’t miss a visit and see what he says. If he’s hesitant, you know his true intentions. If he’s for it, then great.