I know I’m going to sound like the worst person but I need advice

So my partner is currently struggling with his mental health which I can 100% relate to as I have gone through this too and am still on medication for however I can’t help but feel resentful towards him as he naturally is less present and helpful with the kids/around the home. I want to be a supportive partner and I love him so much but we’ve just had our second baby and im struggling too especially with feeling like I need to be on eggshells around him and breastfeeding. I know I sound awful but I just need advice on how to support him while also explaining that I can’t do it all on my own
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My husband does that and he is impossible to talk to at times. I just give him a small daily list of tasks. Then I find a back up support system.

It's so hard. Definitely be worthwhile talking to express your struggles and allow him to explain his. Share what you think you may do, i.e. discuss medication changes/therapy, and what he could do, i.e. allow himself to feel those feelings/discuss with a doctor/therapy. Does your local NHS have talking therapies you can self refer to? If so, it may be helpful for you to self refer and and if he would like to take the step himself you can share how, even if it isn't right away. You don't want to push it but relate to how/why you're doing it for your own mental wellbeing and how you hope it'll help. However, if he's stubborn like my man then he may take several months then phone the GP who say to do the exact same thing I was hinting at for months. And as others have said could you see if anyone could help with a few odd bits, or depending on how old your first is, see if they want to help you with laundry/hoovering like mine seems to at the moment (hope it'll last but I doubt it).

I am sorry you're goinf through this, it must be really hard for you. I think you need to have a chat with him because no matter how hard it is to struggle with mental health, if you have kids you need to get on with it and take care of them. If he is not able to help at all is it viable for you to hire someone or have a family member help?

I don't think this makes you an asshole. But letting the resentment build will make you an asshole, so if there is someone else that can help you while you both talk about your needs and get mentally healthier, I would definitely go for it. Not doing anything could escalate things


Is he doing anything to help himself? Has he been to the doctor? Having just had a baby, it is important to remember that men can also get pnd. However you guys need to talk and explain that you understand each other are struggling, but you need to help each other out as much as possible. Each morning and throughout the day, evaluate your capacities and discuss what you each feel capable of in that moment. Also lean on family and friends as much as you can. When a friend says "if there's anything I can do, let me know." Say, actually yeah, any chance you could make us a pasta bake so we have a few nights meals? Etc etc.

I was going to suggest the same as Sophie! Maybe the two of you can have a chat and figure out what kind of support you both need and also what your capacity is to provide the needed support for the other person. If there are gaps there, see if you can find other people in your circle or maybe someone you can hire to help fill the needs that are not being met. My partner has been working on his mental health and we’ve had a lot of discussions like this as we’re preparing for our first baby to be born this January. I think the key there is to have a mutual understanding that not having the capacity to provide support doesn’t mean not having enough love and care to provide support. So if one of us says “I just can’t show up for you in that way right now” we transition our energy to figuring out who can provide that support.

Is there anyone else you can call upon to provide some practical support whilst you’re both struggling?

Sounds like you guys really need to sit down and talk. I would try and sit down with him and explain on how your feeling.

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