Husband going away on stag do

Hi guys, I wanted to get people’s thoughts and opinions on partners going away after having a baby. My husband is wanting to go on a stag do 2 months (roughly) after having our 1st baby. Due around 17th June and stag do is roughly end of August for 3 nights. Personally I feel a bit upset about it as I feel he doesn’t understand my feelings, when I talk about it he gets really defensive. And I think it’s a little selfish as feel we would still be struggling with a new baby at this point but he seems to think it’ll all be fine, I’m not sure if he just doesn’t understand how children affect lives. Can I see what other people think to hopefully either validate my feelings or help me understand that it’s okay?
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I would be more upset by his lack of consideration toward you then actually going. If he had discussed with you and talked about whether your happy to stay home alone for 3 days or maybe offered to organise a friend or relative to stay with you then you would feel that he is still caring for you while away. I dont see the harm in him going aslong as as he understands that it will be a long few days for you and doesnt take it for granted.

With that much notice, I would be okay with it. Mad? Sure. A pregnant/postpartum mess? Yeah probably, but it would give me enough time to find support and prep! 3 days is pretty fair, and 2 months in is when you’ve got a good groove. He probably doesn’t see it as anything life changing, and he won’t until that baby is in his arms! Plus, not going to lie, getting out might be a nice break in those first months. My fiancé took a guys trip after I gave birth, and returned so ready to change diapers and be the best dad! He might just also change his mind when you have the baby, or he might want to go even more!

I personally wouldn’t care, just because we have a child, you can still live your life, sometimes a break is healthy! If it was the other way round I would be so confused and angry if he wasn’t ok with me going away for a couple of days. I would let him go and have an amazing weekend and I would keep myself busy and go and see my parents 😊 and when he’s back, I can have the whole day and evening to myself to recuperate!

My husband and I have struggled with this, and here is my stance: We are a partnership, and he doesn’t need my permission to do things he wants any more than I need his. But he does need to factor in that he’s putting me in a difficult situation and making my week a lot harder (and that I will likely be cranky) when he makes these decisions. I ask him to please keep those things in mind before he commits. He also knows that if he’s going to go, he needs to help set us up for success before he leaves. Thinking about things like grocery shopping/simple meal planning, making sure laundry is caught up and house is tidy before he leaves. He should also expect to come back to a messy home and kids who have had extra junk food and screen time. And if I were to go on a girls trip, I’d set those same expectations for myself. ETA: sometimes he factors all of this in and decides not to go, sometimes he still goes.

I think you have every right to be upset about it. Prior to getting pregnant, my partner was making plans to go away for a week or so (also abroad) for his stepdad's birthday next year, lads weekend type thing. We've since found out we're pregnant and tbh it didn't even occur to me that his plans would change 😂 but a few weeks ago I mentioned it (I can't remember the context) and he was basically like "well, I won't be going obviously because we'll have a (4 months-ish old) by then, it wouldn't be fair to leave you on your own for a week" and I was like you know what, yeah, fair 😅 I can understand him wanting to go, especially if these plans were made pre-pregnancy, but he needs to realise that priorities change when kids are involved. He should WANT to be with you and baby as much as possible, especially so early on. Your feelings are absolutely valid 💕

I wouldn’t see an issue with this, you have notice to make a plan for someone else to support you if you need it during that time. If it was 2 weeks maybe but 2 months I’d be ok with letting my husband go away, saying this my little boy is 3 now so I’ve lived through it, I may have said something different when I was pregnant lol

Oh it’s also abroad so even if I needed him, he wouldn’t be able to just come home

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