I am the problem with in-laws

Just posting this here to see if anyone has ever experienced these feelings. First of all, please don’t give me any grief about it I already hate myself and I am actively trying to be better about it, and secondly, they don’t know / partner doesn’t know I feel this way. Has anyone irrationally started disliking their in laws since baby came? And through NO fault of there’s?! I know I’m a terrible person but I just cannot bear them. I hate them coming over, I hate going to theirs - it’s SUCH a chore and a dreaded one at that. Every time a visit is over I feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel horrific about it because they’re really nice and I don’t know why the heck I feel this way! I’m just so protective of my 3 month old - I don’t even like going to my own family events anymore because I don’t want people all over her! But the second I arrive anywhere their attention is on her - and I KNOW this is a good thing! She’s so loved! So why do I get such bad anxiety over it? I can’t bear to be without her I don’t know what to do with myself when anyone’s holding her I feel anxious. I used to get on so well with my in laws- I enjoyed going to see them more than my partner did 🤣but now every time we are I dread it. It’s a little easier with my parents as I know I can take her back etc but I feel like I can’t with them. They just love her so much so why am I not happy about it?😭 it’s so difficult I’m trying really hard to stop getting worked up but it’s not getting any easier yet I cover it up, I never say no to them seeing her or holding her etc it’s just a me problem because I feel so uncomfortable around them now and I don’t get it
Share Mobile
  • Share

Show your support

I feel like I could have written this myself. It’s such a challenge for me and keeps me up at night sometimes. I hate that I feel this way but trying to give myself grace as a new mom. My in laws are great but it also sometimes feels like I’m handing my son to strangers. He’s 11 months old now. I’m hoping as time goes by, I feel better about it.

What you’re feeling is normal, especially if you’re not positively supported by them. You’re not alone…..I feel the same with both my family and his. Stand your ground, your feelings are worthy and understandable….sending love your way mama

I should add, hormones having an effect on your feelings/emotions is not to denigrate those feelings/emotions. They are completely legitimate and natural. If anyone dares say "oh, it's just your hormones" you can know that, yes, it's your hormones fired up because that's what they're meant to do to make you protect your baby! I really hope you're able to take some solace from knowing you're not alone. As I suggested before, be vocal about how you're feeling and then gauge people's reactions. When I had my little boy, my Mum (who utterly adores her grandson and is the most wonderful Nanny to him) would hand him back to me after a short while and say 'As much as I could cuddle him all night, it's right that he's with you. He needs to be with his Mummy'. I never asked for him back, nor did I need a break from holding him, but she was just very much in tune with the importance of mother and baby being together. It was sweet 😊

Exactly the same over here. I even struggle to leave my baby with his dad... i feel soooo posesive and protective. I told my in laws about it. As we have a good relationship they are very understanding and give me space and respect very cautiously my boundaries. That makes me willing to make some efforts for the sake of the whole family (included mine!). But yeah, itvery hard and I barely can recognise myself. It's wild and primitive

@Kelly thank you so very much. No I do get what you’re saying totally Thank you xxxxx

Thank you all so much for your kind words it really helps to know I’m not alone in this and I take every single comment on board ❤️

I hope you can feel comfortable enough to let them know how you feel. You are a new mom, and it gives you anxiety whenever ur not holding ur baby and its a protective instinct. Think of all the animals out there that get aggressive when anyone tries to touch their baby it's natural

You're a new mom, so it makes sense. I probably won't allow anyone but my boyfriend to hold my baby for the first few months because I'm already so protective I can only imagine once they get here

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Your hormones are still in "Momma Bear" mode and it's completely natural for a mother to be protective of her child (it's how humans survived for so many years!). Just take a deep breath, accept that you're uncomfortable with things, and give yourself some time. 3 months is very early on in motherhood and you're still figuring out this new life. You may find you start to feel a little better as time goes by, your hormones settle and your little one gets a bit older. I'm worried this might not be coming across quite right! I remember what I felt like at 3 months postpartum compared to now (my little boy is 19 months) - me then is worlds away from me now. And that's absolutely fine. That's natural. If you are really struggling with baby being away from you, try telling people. Only someone very cruel would separate you, knowing it was having such an effect. If you find people don't take this on board, then I would suggest it is not unreasonable to reduce the visits.

I already feel like this and my baby is due in Feb. Don’t be so hard on yourself. MIL or not I just don’t trust anyone else besides my husband. This all started when I got pregnant.. I’m anxious that no matter what we tell them, they would kiss the baby and do things that we don’t want or like. It’s lot and it will get better with time 💗

I still feel this way after almost 2y PP, it has gotten better but I still get anxiety around visits, etc. don’t be too hard on yourself and try to give yourself some grace , it’s a lot of change all at once.

I think you’re fine, I have had similar issues with my own inlaws. I think it comes from being a new mum, feeling overprotective and basic psychology… they aren’t your ‘family’ as in blood relatives. So it’s quite normal. It feels like they’re trying to take her from you.. even though you can rationalise. Don’t beat yourself up. It’ll ease as you get more comfortable being in control of the situation and as you get steadier being a mama. I know it eases (slightly lol) as I have felt the same. Xx

Very much sounds normal, but to the extreme. I would maybe consider talking to your health visitor as it could be verging on post partem anxiety.

It's unfortunate. I can relate as well. I feel .. possessive and protective. While I can acknowledge that the way I feel is toxic, I am aware that it comes from instinct. I'm trying to change. I allow the family to love on her and just hide my feelings behind a smile. I absolutely believe this is a part of PPD and PPA.

Read more on Peanut