Toxic MIL and SIL

Long story short my mil is a narcissist and if she doesn’t get what she wants it’s everyone else’s fault and I stood up to her and won’t tolerate the disrespect from her so now I’m not allowed on her property or anything until I apologize (which I will not do) because I am not in the wrong, she kicked me out when I was 5 months pregnant, threatened to withhold my medication from me that I have to take to keep my unborn son healthy and put me under so much stress that I had to go to labor and delivery at 26 weeks pregnant to stop preterm labor. Since then I have been highrisk having to get multiple ultrasounds and tests done on me and baby because of everything, and on top of that I developed prenatal depression and high blood pressure and I’m only 19 years old. I thought his sister and I got along just fine and I confided in her about some stuff about my pregnancy and how I feel about her mom and now I’m somehow the problem with her too. My fiancé is trying to go no contact with his mom but still wants to see his sister which I was fine with until she called him and is also guilt tripping him into feeling bad for not dropping everything to go and see her and it’s all my fault according to her and she told him that I need to grow up and that I can’t keep my baby out of their lives just because of an argument. I don’t care about the argument that happened with his mother and I, I care about what happen after the fact and all the complications I had to go through because of that woman and I will not tolerate it and that makes me the bad guy. For the last few months of my pregnancy I’ve been on “couch rest” because of having contractions and his sister decided to tell everyone behind my back that I’m faking it and everything else and is then saying she just wants everyone together for the holidays because she misses us so much and wants to see us. Keep in mind thanksgiving is in like 2 days and his mom and sister asked if my fiancé was doing anything and that I can come as long as I stay quiet and don’t cause any problems and I told him I will not be going and if he wants to then fine that’s on him but I will not be sacrificing my happiness and health to please them and his mother is expecting him to come for Christmas too after I have my son who will be a newborn without me and stay the night even though she knows I will be exclusively breastfeeding and she’s all about her grandson and how she can’t wait to be his “nana” it makes me sick, she’s the one that caused all these problems with my pregnancy and doesn’t care and just wants what she wants and I don’t want her to have anything to do with my son because she’s not entitled to him in any way shape or form and my fiancé keeps getting upset with me because he thinks she still deserves to be in his life because she is his grandma and I don’t care what her title is to my son and I keep telling him that. And the cherry on top is she said that she deserves to be in the delivery room while I’m giving birth so she can be the first to see him and hear him. I’m so fed up and don’t know what to do because I feel like my mil and sil are like brainwashing my fiancé into thinking it’s ok and I feel like they are all working against me and I don’t know what to do.

Show your support

First thing you need to do is let your nurses know who you do and do not want in the room. That way if you are out of it (medication/pain/etc) your mil and sil can't try to sneak in by guilt tripping your partner. Your nurses are there to advocate for you and they will respect your wishes over the fathers wants. Second, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You are 100% correct that if they can't be respectful for you and treat you well then they have no right to baby.

Sounds like a horrible and difficult situation to be in, I’m sorry you have had to go through this with them. I would stand your ground, if they want to spend time with you and your son then your wishes and boundaries need to be respected. I suggest firmly telling your fiancé that you do want your child around toxicity and if they cannot treat the mother of his son with civility and respect then they cannot have access to your son. They sound like they would cause your son a lot of emotional trauma indirectly and directly by mistreating you. Babies pick up on mothers emotions and I’m sure you don’t want to be feeling anything negative especially in the first couple of months when you are meant to be bonding with your baby….. People like them sadly are unconscious and most likely will not change. Protect your physical and emotional well being that will safeguard your baby. 🫶🏼

I have a doula coming in to be my advocate and I will let anyone know drs and nurses who isn’t allowed in and I won’t allow it. I will give names and descriptions. I’m not allowing my MIL or any in-laws in. I don’t care. This is my birth. This is my baby. My husband and I aren’t even going to tell people we are in labor.

Age of you as a mother doesn’t matter. A MIL & a SIL is a family member who should be respectful to the mom carrying their “grandchild” or “niece/nephew”. Respect isn’t given. It’s earned regardless of age. My parents are personally not in my lives due to actions they chose to go on with. My MIL is also not in my life because she thinks she can disrespect me, and invite herself to stay at my house when she pleases after I have our newborn in 8 days. When in reality the healing process of birth is supposed to be about the mother. We have the right to make decisions and calls we want or don’t want. If you’re happy & not around her REMAIN happy. Don’t attend if you don’t personally want to. Husband can due to it being his family but a huge rule in our house is “kids & I will not be spoken about to certain people.” & my husband knows that and has never disrespected it.

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