Should I be worried?

@Rose if you do it might start something good

@Rose yeah, that sounds like something you should bring up with an individual therapist. It is natural for us humans to be comparative but if the thoughts cause you to question what your needs and wants are, I think it’s worth talking through to either form better thinking patterns or to highlight some changing or new needs of yours.

@Braxton outside of sex he’s very affectionate, he’ll hold me and snuggle with me and he’ll even sometimes just look at me and tell me I’m a good mum! I think I’m just getting stuck in what OTHERS think xx

@Hadiyah thanks lovely! ❤️I would say it’s not the biggest deal like I’m not pining for it but I would say since my daughter was born I wasn’t even thinking about sex now when I see him sometimes I just wanna tear his clothes off 😳 could be my period hahah

@Louise I think he’s just not that bothered about it now we’re married. Like he’s said he loves me and respects me, he doesn’t just see me as a sexual thing. Which is fine but a wee ass slap wouldn’t go a miss haha

@Rose oh no. Not in the slightest! You and your relationship is fitting to you and your man. If it doesn't really bug you and you guys are happy as you are dont be comparing ANYONE else's happy to yours. We dont all have to be the same at all. If you love your husband and the situation isn't a big deal for you that's great and that works for you. It would honestly be terrible for you both if one or was an every day kind of person and the other was a once a month or less person. (Had friends that had opposite libido issues and trust me it was a shit show ) ... the point is that you are intimate with your spouse is a way that works for you. Please dont compare and despair with anyone's life. ♥️♥️

@Rose outside of sex, how do you feel about the other forms of intimacy? Do you feel like you’re getting enough affection, attention, etc? If not, then you guys definitely need to have a conversation. If you’re wanting him to go to therapy, I’d put the legwork in and find a therapist and schedule a date with his input and make it more of a “I need this to ensure we’re okay in this relationship. Can you show up for me and for us?” instead of it being a choice. If you truly feel like you’re okay, maybe you can hold off on couple’s counseling for now, but it would be good to talk through your feelings with a personal therapist. You may arrive at some insights, whether it’s “I don’t actually want more sex, I’m just too comparative” or “I want my partner to initiate kisses or sex more because I don’t feel very physically connected with him.”

My past relationship was similar. My ex had an extreme low sex drive. Throughout the relationship I thought something was maybe wrong with me. It was just frustrating. Looking back now and in a new relationship, I believe my ex had some issues. Could be his past experiences ( men hardly talk about their SA experiences, if they happened), could be his insecurities, since he wasn’t very confident in that department or a hormonal imbalances. One thing I would have done differently is to not initiate or talk about it ever at all and to watch if he initiates it. As in letting him lead entirely and being completely passive.

@Rose I actually understand your point of view. I have been in a similar situation my man is somewhat similar as in he doesn’t do too much dirty talking or make a lot of noise, but I just told him that it really turns me on and since then he’s done it and realised he liked it too. Also one night whilst getting drunk I told him I wanted to spice it up one day maybe try tie me up or something and that night he did it and loved it. Try and have some for the whole day let a grandparent look after baby, have a fun day out and then a sexy date night and be fun and flirtatious telling him what you need, he might surprise you. Relationships take work so as long as you’re both willing to try 🤷🏾‍♀️

@Zara it really isn’t a deal breaker to be honest! Like when I thought about never having a kid with him, I thought nah, we need a baby, but not having sex I’m like meh! I guess it’s just my negative mind talking 😳

@Carmen I’ve never had an orgasm from sex but I’ve had one when he’s fingered me or when I’ve masturbated 😳 I don’t know if he’s interested in getting me to have an orgasm or he thinks I have one, we always finish with fingering which makes me orgasm so I guess in a way I have just not from penetration 😳

@Savannah I’ve had an orgasm while watching porn, can be any kind, lesbian, interacial, solo female, solo male, for a while I was getting off on this guy that doesn’t show his face just his mouth and he had the deepest voice I’ve ever heard, and some of the things he would say? My oh my! Sent me over the edge! In the beginning my husband was like that, he would send me vids of him having a wank while he told me what to do to myself, or just phone sex, or like I would be at his parents house while they were out and he would just text me “upstairs slut” and gal i sprinted upstairs 😂 but now it’s like meh! If you want, and the blowjobs are always silent except for when he’s cumming, I like a guy to tell me what he likes, to tell me he’s enjoying what I’m doing, to call me names, to say my name but he’s just silent and then cums and that’s it hahah

...I do think you both need to be totally open with each other no matter how trivial it might sound to get to the bottom of this x

@Hadiyah you’re not weird but unfortunately you’re one of the women that after seeing what you’ve written make me feel like my relationship should be this way, and I would get butthurt and catty with you, but in the same breath say it’s not that big a deal and mean it! Do you have a screwdriver I can put in my brain? Hahah glad you found someone that matches your energy my gal! Least you know what you want! I’m a complete head case man!

@Rose hmmm maybe he resents you for that? Maybe he feels like he was put up a corner 🤔

@Kate I try and massage him and he’s like what you doing 😂 it’s like we’re pals! 😳

@Bella i always regretted the way we got our daughter 😔 but i wanted a baby with him and I didn’t know how else to do it 😔

@Rose OK sounds like you've tried talking then and not getting anywhere. I think somethings up with him to change this much. Dad's can get post partum depression - another possibility. Yes look for some couples therapy together, that’s if he's willing. Has he let other areas of his life slide or is this the only issue. You don't need to tell us - it's just questions to ask yourself so you can get an understanding of what's going on. Hope you get it sorted soon xx

@Bella I’ve been trying to pitch the idea of date night, don’t know what we would do that’s the thing hahaha

@Heather 🌻 this is the thing! I don’t know why I’m letting people get in my head! I’ve come to the realisation that nothing is ever good enough for me and I need a lobotomy to start again! No matter the situation, I’ll have a problem! It’s exhausting! We’ve spoken before and come to the realisation that no sex isn’t that big of a deal but then I get all butthurt about other people’s sexual habits as if I’m jealous? What the hell!

@Kamryn oh goodness! Not good eh? I’ll look you up on insta xx

@Braxton I suggested counselling and he wasnt up for it, this was when we were at an impasse about having a baby, don’t know if he’ll go for it this time 😔 I don’t know if I want different to what we have, just some people make me feel like it should be a certain way but sometimes im like but why? Then I get butt hurt when women fall pregnant because it means they were having spontaneous sex and a baby happened which isn’t what happened with us 😳 gal am telling you my head is not a good place to be 😔

It feels like we’re going round in circles! I keep having the same problems, no matter how much he tells me how to overcome them I come to the same place everytime so I’ve resolved not to talk about it, but he knows somethings up, and while somethings wrong he can’t just fuck me. I just want to forget about the troubles and move on but it’s like it’s stopping him 😔 maybe couples therapy would be better

@Isabella thanks for this, when our daughter was born, he was asked if he would have another baby, and he said yes without skipping a beat, then when he’s asked now he’s reluctant and says not right now. I think I shared too much of my post partum and he doesn’t want the same thing to happen again. When we first met, we had sex everytime we saw eachother, but as the years have gone on, we don’t have it as often. Sometimes it’s not on my mind and sometimes it is, I just sometimes feel like we’re ships in the night, never on the same page. I’m not sure if he’s depressed, he’s never said that to me 😳 He’s never shown signs he’s into men, and when asked if he finds me sexually attractive he’s said yes, I asked him if I made him hard and he said most of the time he gets hard thinking bout me so don’t know if he’s into men 😳 I do feel like we just exist in each others company but there’s some stuff going on with me that I just feel I don’t wanna talk about because…….

@Louise what’s ace?

From his actions it sounds like he doesn't want another baby as he's stated it that he doesn't want to have sex unprotected. Has he just been like this since you were pregnant? Sounds like he equates sex to making babies. Did he want a family before you got married? Has he always been like this or has it come on suddenly like he's met someone else? Or is he depressed in any way which naturally lowers your sex drive? Do you think he's secretly attracted to men instead? Whatevers going on with him, you need to speak to him and be open with him. Let him know what it means to you to have a sex life and you both need to come to a compromise so you can both be happy. Ask him what his fears are and what the problem is. Is he struggling in other areas of his life or have you noticed a change in other areas of his life even if he doesn't say? Look at the whole picture. If you can't speak openly together about this issue or don't come to a solution then seek couple therapy xx

Question… Have you guys ever tried being open about this apparent issue in ya’ll’s relationship? And if it doesn’t bother you, why are you letting other people in your head over this? :) But yeah. The best place to start is to have a check in with him and just ask point blank questions, only a few at a time unless he’s open to discussing. :) Just so you know, you and your baby are beautiful, and you are not the only one married to a man like that. :)

I think marriage counseling would be good for you to both discuss your sexual needs and desires and to come to a compromise. Including how much you’d like him to initiate it, what his sexual interests are, how frequently you’d like to do various sexual acts, and how you’d like your relationship to look intimacy-wise. I’m not sure how bad it is now, but it will get so much worse if you don’t have a conversation where you put all your needs on the table and actively try to meet what the other needs. All of this is under the assumption that any part of you is wanting something different. If you both are truly okay with the status quo, then that’s okay. But I think it’s worth having a conversation now to see if that’s the case.

Check out this IG: https://instagram.com/damarisjimenezespinoza?igshid=NzZlODBkYWE4Ng== She's a relationship and sex coach and also sells a journal that you can use for date night.

I’m in the same exact situation it’s crazy I’ve never met someone else going through this add me on insta @okaykamryn

See if u can a once a week date night with him and connect that way, and hopefully, u two will come together physically. And sit and talk about what u both feel is missing from the relationship.

My bf & I show our love through intimacy, so it would mean for us that something was wrong. The longest we went without sex was my first month of pregnancy. I wasn't in the mood at all. It's just my opinion, but I feel like if a man doesn't want intimacy from you, he's looking elsewhere and the fact that he felt pressured to give you a baby to keep you idk girl. You deserve to have intimacy and feel happy. Eventually, ur baby will notice how unhappy ur marriage is and they will strive for the same.

So in my experience my anxiety medication takes my sex drive away completely. Since my husband and I are aware of this we try to work around it and do other things that help. Messages usually help.

Ok so I'm clearly the weird one here. I enjoy sex and for me I couldn't do that. For me 1-4 times a week is average and it keeps the magic in our relationship. We did go the six week pp but it was the LONGEST 6 WEEKS ever. ... obviously if you and your man aren't very frisky that's totally and not a problem. We all have our quirks. You can do things with sperm killers or condoms or other contraceptives it doesn't have to be solely procreative. I personally got an IUD and dont fuss about it. No sex isnt everything but just make time to be intimate with you partner.

If it matters to you then a conversation needs to be had with him

To resonate with everyone else, sex definitely isn’t everything!! Intimate connection can look different for different people! But if you feel like somethings missing then I would definitely look at options for working through that together! As for the orgasm, especially if you’ve NEVER had one, you may be dealing with a pelvic floor issue!! A pelvic floor physiotherapist may be able to help! Feel free to message me if you like!

You need to weigh up how much sex means to you in a rship, and if it’s something you’re willing to sacrifice because it sounds like he’s just not a sexual person which some people just aren’t. For me personally there’s other things that outweigh sex in a marriage and there are other ways couples can be intimate and close x

If you’re happy in your relationship in every other aspect then try not to worry as I promise you that you can do a much better job for yourself than any bloke ‘but’ if there are issues elsewhere in the relationship then there are things to consider xx

it's not ok for your needs to be dictated solely by his choices like there are times she my husband wants it more than I do and I go along with it because I want him to want me and be happy and there are times when I'm more into it than him but he humors me because he cares how I feel I don't really think it's wrong for your husband to not want sex often but I think it is wrong for him to ignore your needs and only think of what he enjoys and wants but if y'all are both just not into sex that's your choice and that's fine as long as it's not just him pushing it on you

girl your normal is YOUR normal. if u don’t want sex u don’t want it! let it be fine if you’re happy fr

Sounds to me like you guys need to spice it up, it’s as if you’re not sexually compatible, also you should explore your own body find out what you like and then get your husband to do it to you. One day your kids are going to fly the nest and you don’t want to just then find out that you guys don’t even fancy each other anymore 🤷🏾‍♀️

To me sex is the result of a good relationship. To us, if it’s not happening it’s because work, kids, stress and money worries are preoccupying us and we’re not really giving attention to the other person. So only if we’re talking and having harmony that it’s possible. But my husband always still wants it, regardless. So if I hear someone is not having sex, or the husband seems to have no desire, in my situation that would be a very bad sign. But if you’re good, you’re good. If it is not a bad sign, then that’s just what it is to you.

I could never be with someone who didn’t make me orgasm!!!! I’m sorry :(((((((((

Like others are saying, sex isn't everything. But it is a large part of any relationship or marriage. Honestly, it sounds like your husband could be asexual or gay. And on your end, it sounds like you've never had a satisfying sex life in general. Which would lead to a decrease in desire/need for it because you don't know how good it could actually be. I'd definitely suggest couples therapy and/or sex therapy.

Baby girl is so cute 🥰 congrats. And I agree. Therapy is the way. Sexual exploration definitely could help. But to get there, there has to be a want. I dated a guy for 4 yrs and would never want to touch me the way I wanted, in the end, he turned out gay. It hurt me a lot, more on the friendship level because he was my best friend. Not saying this is the case, just sharing my experience. But hey, I'm happy now with a baby boy and a decent, sometimes whiney baby daddy 🤭 but I'd definitely suggest therapy.

Congratulations, she is adorable 😍. As for your marriage, what were conversations like before marriage about sex? If you two did have sex before you married, what was that like? The point I'm trying to get at is to gauge whether or not if there has been a decrease in desire for you both, been together 13 years and married for 5, something is off with regard to your needs/wants as well as his. You both should try therapy, even look into seeing a sex therapist if you agree. But it sounds to me that you are yearning for sexual connection but also to experience something you've never had. All in all a relationship/marriage is about love and compromise, you shouldn't feel neglected.

Sex isn't everything. You have other priorities right now. And you guys might not be sleeping well. Intimacy is more than just sex, though it is a type of it. I'm 5 months to the day today since my son was born. My hubby and I haven't had sex. I have an IUD. And I could. But it's been a long time. I haven't had sex since conception either. And bodies respond differently postpartum. You may have new or different erogenous areas.. and you might need lube, or plenty of foreplay. And to go slowly. Don't rush it, but when the time is right, it will be fine

First off, your daughter is absolutely precious 🩷 Second, don't push your feelings away. Sex isn't everything. However, if it's making you feel less connected to your partner or if you feel like maybe your relationship isn't as strong as it was, try having a chat with him about how you feel. He should understand and not push your feelings aside and hear you out as a partner. Intimacy is so hard in a relationship post baby, and it's easy to fall into a "roommate " phase with all the caregiving and just regular stuff that happens. I wouldn't jump to conclusions or anything, just try to talk to him about how you feel and go from there. I hope everything works out for you 🫶🏻

Honestly I agree sex isnt everything in a relationship how ever you should have that closeness and just being close with one another even if its not making a baby 😝 just bonding is important definitely a whole year...... Me I know me I'd be asking is there something going on with someone else? I hate thinking that way but its definitely something you and him should chat on. Wish you the best

Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship but to me, it’s pretty important. It’s about the connection and closeness of being together. If it’s an issue for you then it’s an issue for your relationship. Even if it’s not about you wanting to another baby right this second. It’s that’s it’s not even a possibility because he doesn’t want to have sex.