Feeling guilty for having only one child 💔

I have 2 and I wish I waited for another because it’s so damn hard raising 2 nearly the same age. There’s 18 months in between mine and I found it hard trying to give both attention when so close in age and like one wouldn’t be doing something else like 7 or old would be. I always wanted 2 and I don’t regret having them just the age gap made everything difficult. But atleast they’ll grow up at same time and things will be different as they get older. I went to the AB clinic when I got pregnant again the same year my 2nd was born because I generally don’t think I would have made it through. So people can handle it and be fine but I was not one of them. I think to think of the ones here and myself. You never know till you try but it’s a risk to take. Don’t feel guilty. You have one and sometimes one is just enough. If your thinking like this is probably not the right time and life is trying to tell you that. If yourself to the one here and when it’s the right time for you it won’t even

Cross your mind whether it’s right to or not! You got this x

@Chantelle thanks Chantelle! It’s so rare to meet someone who can even slightly relate. All I see around is women who juggle 2-3-4 kids and get pregnant back to back, it just seems like it’s their element.. like it goes so naturally for them raising kids and boil in that routine. To me, the first year after giving birth I kept feeling like I’m not my own person anymore, I can’t do things and go places and just lay down in peace when I want to. It’s like my needs will never be ever prioritised again. My son is a little over 2 , he’s amazing, we found the way to handle things better now, he’s more independent now. I feel like I’d like to have another but thinking that I have to go through this all over again makes my skin crawl. Feels like I’m a weird type of woman for who motherhood did not come naturally. I’m pretty sure I should not have another but the guilt is hard. Thank you again 🧡

I jump on these every time I see posts like this. I hope you’re able to shed that feeling of pressure right off your back. Speaking only from personal experience, I was an only child and it was amazingggg. I loved it so much that I only wanted to have one but got hit with twins lol Of course it’s your decision in the end, but life is GOOD for only children. And one child households are happy and wonderful!

Your not weird in any shape or form for not wanting another, thinking you can’t handle it, feeling guilt for not wanting anymore, not weird to think other people have got it naturally and seem to be fine compared to you. Every parent looks at other parents and thinks the same. It’s motherhood, it’s god dam hard raising a child. Everything to us and our body our mind ect all change from the moment of them 2 lines. And it’s hard going from no responsibilities to the whole world of them on us and only us mums. BUT.. as time goes on it will get harder to easier to harder to easy to their old and have their own children and we’ll be on our free to do what we want again. I feel some people who feel like this lack a circle of support physically and mentally and that can cause you to think like this and make decisions based on that too. You gotta do what’s right for you, your child here don’t feel guilty for it or let anyone else make you feel guilty it’s not their life their kid their

Responsibility so unfortunately it’s not their choice and I’m not hating on dads but it’s not their choice if their not 100 percent helping you physically mentally emotionally financially and giving you the break to x

@Stacey thanks Stacey! This is so encouraging. Sending you virtual hug! I love to hear that you had amazing childhood being the only child! 💛 I really hope my son will feel the same and I’ll put every effort to it. I myself grew up with a brother and we have great relationships, he’s amazing and is my role model, that definitely adds guilt to my decision of having only one child.

@Chantelle very true 🙏 And I really have no support except my husband. My family is thousands of miles away and I’m sure it added weight to my decision.

Can definitely have an impact I know it did for me, I know it’s easier said than done but don’t feel guilty over it you’ll only upset yourself x

@Chantelle as for husband, he’s a great helper but it’s only 2 of us and it’s very hard without support system (not saying that someone is supposed to help me with kids, it’s just hard not to have someone who offers help).

I was one to give in to having a sibling, so my oldest didn't feel alone. My kids are 6 years apart, but it's been rough. Especially doing it alone. They fight often, and I didn't think they would, but they do. I feel guilty because I sometimes feel like I started the whole waiting until the little one is more independent stage

I have one also and we are done. We love her to death and can't imagine how things would be with another. Don't feel guilty about it, you have to do what is right for you and your family, no one family is the same and that's perfectly fine. Enjoy your time with your little one and do your best for him. That's all that matters!

@Julissa thanks Julissa 🙏 I’m sure it’s tough and I totally get where your guilt feeling is crawling from. Especially doing it all by yourself.. you’re great. Also, love your name, so unique 💛

Well I always said I only want one. I got one and I’m not having no more 🤣 I get the pressure thing I have people telling me non stop oh you’ll have more he should have a sibling close in age blah blah but I’m not doing it. I found the newborn stage quite stressful. I didnt like what my body had to go through even though I had an easy pregnancy my birth ended up in emergency c section. Long recovery, long time to lose weight. I’m only starting to feel myself again after like 3 years. Now my son is over 2 he’s more independent and I’m enjoying it. I was an only child and as mentioned above I loved it too, all your attention goes to that one child. Plus in no time they’re at nursery then school, have all kinds of friends and have like kids in the family that they also get to play with so I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. As long as we as parents make sure we play with them teach them give them plenty attention I think they’ll be perfectly happy, siblings or no siblings (: x

@Thanusiya thank you 💛

@Paulina thanks for your comment! See, I wish I always wanted to have one, I think I’d not have this guilt feeling then. But the thing is I always thought that I’ll have 2. And the fact that I grew up with elder brother definitely adds weight to it. My brother is amazing, he’s a huge part of “why” my childhood was great. And I always dreamed how my children will grow up together. And now I’m trying to come to peace with the idea that it will never happen and I will only have one. And also, I don’t worry about pressure from people about having more than one child. I can brush that off. It’s much harder to brush off the inner feeling of guilt that I feel and that I put upon myself for choosing to have only one child.

I sometimes catch myself wondering if I should give my daughter a sibling, then I think of my daughter’s current routines… and double them in my mind. Doing the bath time not once, but twice? 😮‍💨 Putting two kids to sleep? One’s hard enough already. Trying to wrestle two professional MMA fighters to change their nappy one after the other? I feel physically exhausted just imagining it. Also expenses; buying double the formula, upgrading the push chair, another car seat (+ take up another seat in the car), probably have to upgrade the car too to a bigger one, buy another bed and crib and bottles, ETC the list goes onnnn. So for me, easy no. 😵‍💫

@Jaymee thanks for your comment! You might be right, I think I “want” to have another one but it’s more like hypothetical “want”. To be realistic, I think I won’t be able to handle it and maintain my sanity, this is why I gravitate towards having just one. Especially, given that my son was relatively smooth baby (no colics, no big problems with sleeping, no teething issues etc.) and yet, I was surviving, motherhood came very hard for me. And of course I’m thinking to myself, I hardly survived even having such a smooth baby, what if I have a problematic baby with more issues, I just don’t think I can handle it and stay sane. That’s one of reasonings that is going on in my head.

@Jaymee thank you 🥹💛

@Mina thanks Mina! Haha I love all the points, literally all of them are legit, will keep them in mind to help me coping with my guilt.

I'm one and done also my partner suffers with mental health problems and it's hard to cope and adapt to his routine with a child so having another will put extra weight on me. I feel like I'm comfortable and can handle what is on my plate. Postnatal depression with a crying kid and a partner with extreme ocd is not the one, haha. My little girl is my world, and I'll give her everything. I just don't want to have another one and be burnt out. I'm in the same boat as you feeling guilty for not giving her a sibling but at the end of the day I keep reminding myself that if I ain't looking after myself and not putting myself first, who's going to look after the kids. A healthy, happy mummy will raise a healthy, happy child. You've got this! 💗

Team one and done 👊

@Kayla I totally understand, I feel that I’d be burnt out, nervous wreck and not a good mother at all, if I’d have another child added to what I’ve been handling already.

@Heather so good you have no hesitations or guilt. I’m working on mine to be more confident about my decision too.

I completely understand. I guess because you have that experience it’s what you know and you are worried about what you don’t know which is a childhood of an only child. Well, our childhoods were still great so don’t feel guilty. I think we all want all the good things for our kids that we had and that’s where the pressure comes from but it’s okay because we need to understand our kids aren’t a mini versions of us, they’re their own person that will have their own unique life experience so they don’t have to have exactly what we did. What you can do is be the reason your child’s childhood is great. My mum was mine a lot of the time she did things with me like bike riding and roller skating and trips, walks, sliding down big hills on a sled during winter etc. It just means you’ll have to be more involved whereas if there was a sibling you can kind of leave them to it more I guess. It’s hard enough having one honestly as long as you what’s best for you and it’ll turn out great x

@Paulina I agree 💛 What puts weight on me is also that growing up I had many friends who were the only child and many of them were saying how they wanted to have a sibling and they were open about expressing it. My best friend from middle school was the only child and I remember her saying many times she wish she had a brother like mine. Growing up having an amazing sibling, did set my plank and expectations high, and I’m trying to steer away from that mindset and am telling myself that it’s ok to be the only child. I’ll keep working on settling in that mindset. Thank you 💛

Yeah I did say so myself when I was a small child but I feel like as kids we often say things we don’t understand the gravity of too 😭 like by the time I was 12+ I was so glad I didn’t have siblings especially a sister that would take my clothes or products or mess with my stuff 😂 I would see my friends at school going through that even my friends big brothers taking their shampoos or skincare and I thought wow I’m so glad that’s not me. Everything has its ups and downs and that’s okay and yeah exactly just coming to terms with what the situation is and making the best of it 💛