Which is better? Shitty dad or no dad?
Show your support
Leave husband, move back to your home state and have help & support. He's told you he's not cut out to be a father so raise the child as a single parent with as much support around you. Do not stay living like room mates, this isn't fair on you or your son. And do not stay struggling in the state you're in just to please him, he's made it clear he doesn't want to be a father! X
Move home?
I'm sorry you are going thru this. I truly understand since I'm in your shoes. My husband doesn't curse but does even less around the house and also refuses to take any advice/critique from me (even when I'm backed by professionals). I also grew up in a home where my father was a narc and it was such a toxic environment. At 11, I told my mom to divorce! My father ended up moving to another country to be with his new supply but it was a breath of fresh air just my mom and my bro and me. Gotta be honest, no dad seems better. Going back home is the best thing you can do to feel support and build your village there. Good luck and praying for you and your baby 🙏
I rather have nothing.That pertains to anything shitty .
As someone who grew up in an unhappy home, I'm a firm believer in no dad is better than a shit one. It's difficult to tell a stranger what to do with these things but based purely on what I've just read, you'd be better off cutting your losses, moving away and focusing on you and your son. Good luck with whatever you decide!
Id go where you have help and support 100% just be careful legally or ask a lawyer to make sure he wouldn't be able to stop you or something idk how that works. But if you have help and support and can continue to just focus on doing what you know is right by your son, the child will thrive on that consistency. One great parent is a million times better imo. Also congrats to you for evolving and growing as a person and being self aware, that's beautiful. No matter you choose to do I think you're gonna do a great job 💗🙏
Yea the first paragraph had me like "just move home"
Have you tried to simply talk to DH so he knows where you stand? He might not know that you want out and since he doesn't feel that fatherhood is right for him, he might just let you go. Don't leave and take DS out of state until after you have a parenting plan in place, I did and got in trouble despite telling where I was going. He might be a crap dad now but in 5 years he might be amazing! Just don't put your life on hold or stick with him hoping he'll come around for your son. Let him figure it out once separated so you and your son can live your best lives while hubby figures himself out.
No dad
No time for a shitty parent. Better off if they just aren't in their life altogether than popping in and out.
I would definitely say option 1, I grew up in a single parent home and my mum was much happier.
@Denise are you leaving too?
Sh177y one. The kids will understand when they're older. No dad messes both boys and girls up.
In my opinion, no father is better. My dad saw me at 10 days old and not again until I was 21. I always felt that my friends who had rubbish dads that would pick them up and drop them at a moments notice were much more hurt than I was x
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@Em from what I’ve read, as long as there is no custody arrangement prior to leaving and I establish one first thing when I move, then I’ll be ok. But yea, definitely need to confirm that with a lawyer before I do anything. And thank you. I’ve always been very introspective, I just don’t take my own advice afterwards lol 🫠 I’m getting better at it though
@Natalie he wasn’t hurting him or anything, I mean he did put our son back to sleep, but it’s not what I would’ve done, ya know?
@Stephanie yes, many times. He knows, trust me. He just doesn’t listen to anything I have to say about anything these days. He’s told me to go file for divorce when he’s mad. It’ll be my third divorce 😩 but this time with a child. It’ll be his third divorce as well bc he married and divorced his first ex wife twice. He never showed up for his daughters, so I wouldn’t expect him to show up for his son either.
@Diāna mine did lol
No dad
People that had no dad will tell you having any dad is better than no dad. Ones that had shit dads will tell you no dad is better than a shit dad....so...i also think a shit dad vs an abusive dad is different. Shit dad is better than an abusive dad...but neither are all that great. He may change in time too...
There is so much to Unpack. When I was SAHM I did all nights as my partner works with machines and I do not want him tired around them. This was discussed before bubs was born. When I went back to work he did the last late feed, and a 6am feed. So he got a good chunk of sleep. I went to bed early and slept until after 9:30pm when I was on feeds, that was my chunck I think you both have different expectations on what a marriage/ parenthood should look like. Probably some marriage counselling might of helped before hand, but I think some now The first 1-2 years are hard on both of you, understanding goes along way. If you don't enjoy SAHM, go back to work part time and find a balance. I think you both need to get a babysitter, go out to dinner and really discuss where you want your relationship to be and iclf there is enough love to make this work.
i think you should go back to your home state where you will at least have support. this man is no example for your son. with respect to that, he might just be going thru it right now. you leaving with your son might help him to realize where he has been at fault and possibly lead to reconciliation in the future. but right now, it’s emotionally abusive, and heading towards physically abusive. something to note: babies pick up on our emotions. you/dad being in stressed states will stress baby out too, making him more fussy etc. the problem is not the baby but the environment he’s in. remove him. protect him. sending love and light to both of you.
@Breanna then go file and get things rolling. Let your family know what's going on and that you'll be there once there's a parenting plan in place. This will protect you in the long run and will be a great place to start. Hoping nothing but the best for you and your son. You don't need this being thrown in your face.
As someone who grew up with a horrible father I always wished my mom would have left him. He was abusive mentally and physically for most my life. I rather have grown up with just me and my mom. Do what you feel is right you know yourself and what the right thing is even if it's hard you got this.