MIL throwing birthday party

This is also right on the tails of her making it very clear that she doesn't respect my parenting decisions. I'm ridiculed for not wanting to plop him in front of screens, and I was ganged up on on Christmas Eve for wanting to homeschool. My husband doesn't back me up because he thinks it's easier to just tell her what she wants to hear

You are not being unreasonable at all! Your MIL is being totally disrespectful of your wishes as YOUR baby's parent. It is also concerning that your husband is not backing you up. You are his wife and make up his family along with your son. You should be a united front. I would be absolutely livid if my husband did not back me up on a parenting choice we made just to appease his mother because at the end of the day it's not her child and does not affect her. I would nip this in the butt right now if I were you because that mom clearly has a grip on your husband and she will continue to overreach if you don't put her in her place.

@Hannah thank you! He just says "she just wants to be involved in his life" but like... we literally see her every week. It's not like she wouldn't get to see him if she didn't throw a birthday party

Yeah there is a difference between being apart of his life and steamrolling the parents wishes.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. What she’s doing is disrespectful and not fair at all. Your husband needs to stand up to his mom and let her know that she needs to respect your wishes as his wife and her grandchild’s mother. She needs to learn boundaries and when boundaries are set by you guys(you & your husband) she needs to respect it. She should at least talk to you about her ideas and get your opinion before saying “this is what I’m gonna do”. Doesn’t work like that.

@Geanniece I keep telling my husband that he needs to stand firm because she's not going to learn that it's not okay if he always allows it to happen

She’s completely over stepping, as you are the baby’s mum, it’s you that carried him for 9 months, went through the pp healing process etc.. so you should have been consulted as it’s not your MILs baby.. your husband should back you in this, there’s a big difference between “getting involved” and completely taking over 💗

@Rachel I had told her we'd bring a cake to one of our Sunday lunches when she fussed about not having a party, and I thought that was that until my husband told me she's doing a get-together, buying a cake, and inviting people who don't come every week. Oh and that we have to schedule it around everyone's plans.

I hope you talk to both of them soon. No one should take this moment away from you

If it were me that would be the week my baby mysteriously got sick. Oops sorry you can't take my special day away from me

@Christine when I think about it by itself, I know it's ridiculous, but when I remember all of the other things leading up to this, I start to understand my feelings.
I do think we're going to try to have dinner with my parents on his actual birthday.
I hope that what she's planning is actually just our regular Sunday lunch with cake and a few extra people (there are already 9 adults at our regular lunches!), but I worry she's just downplaying it so we won't tell her no

Honestly that would bother me as well! It seems there are underlying issues that obviously need to be discussed but in the mean time I would do a dinner with your husband and son and have your own cake and streamers and take a few pictures so it at least feel like you threw him his real first birthday and then just deal with the other party after until deeper issues get resolved. YOU are his mother and know what’s best for YOUR family. Good luck!

Not being unreasonable. You’re the one who birthed the kid not her and it’s not right for her to ridicule you on the decisions you make also sounds like your partner isn’t really advocating for your needs and need to put your foot down before she takes over for every special event in the future.

Thank you all for your support. I definitely need to keep trying to get my husband to understand why this is a pattern that I'm not okay with. I've asked him to tell her not to get a cake because I want to get the cake, but he still hasn't even texted her, so I'm sure she's ordered a cake already.
On his birthday, we will do something special either just the three of us or with my parents. I will buy him a birthday cake and we'll sing and have him open a present.