Mother boundaries

Hi, my mother is a narcissist and my boys babysitter while I work. If I tell my mother not to yell at my kid for helping her and then go to explain the why she tells me to shut up (incident happened today) she goes outside ( we were planning on staying for dinner) and said to my father “ cook their steaks so they can eat and f*ck off” she comes inside and I say I heard what you said that’s not nice and she said “ The way you’ve been speaking to me isn’t nice” to which I respond “what I haven’t said-“ and she told me to shut it. I’m so conflicted because she is always like this. I don’t know if I want my boys around someone who can’t respect me as a person and mother. Any advice?
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Have a little break ...

From your mother. I’m so sorry she treats you this way, you don’t deserve it. But if she treats you this way in front of your kids, she probably doesn’t have very great things to say about you when you aren’t there and she’s definitely not respecting any of your parenting choices when you’re not there. If she’s always been like this, she won’t change on her own. But you don’t have to deal with it, and some time and space will probably give you a better perspective and ability to figure out what you want long-term from your relationship with your mother and what boundaries will be necessary to get there.

I would definitely stop going over for a while or ask your dad to talk to her if she can’t understand and accept your boundaries about your kid . You are a mother now and you decide who you want near your babies and yourself now. I like to think if they don’t respect me imagine what they can be doing telling my child when I am not there .

If you have any other childcare options, use them. This is not a healthy relationship for any of you.

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