Is it true men true colours come out after you have the baby?
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I think this is very generalized and honestly depends on who you're around. Like there are plenty of useless men and women but you're on an app designed for mothers and these mothers love to have kids with men who are already pretty useless and selfish and then they have the baby and turn around and complain that the men suck. It's a very biased space and most the women complaining won't take up responsibility for being with deadbeat men but rather just complain and wait for validation in their choices. Don't worry yourself about it. If you have a good man, you have a good man. Don't overthink it. After a baby is born PPD can affect both parties even though only one carried the child. And PPD can lead to all sorts of arguments you're bound to end up in but at the end of the day if you both love each other and care then the arguments will mean nothing.
@Nicole I’m not putting it on all men. That’s why I said in the bottom of my post “there are a few men who are hands on”
Okay fine you're putting it on most men. Either way, it's a stereotype and a generalization.
I can honestly say my husband is not like this at all. He has been the one saying to wake him up when baby wakes up so he can either just be up with me to get what I need or help with baby. He's taking 2 weeks unpaid paternity and 2 weeks annual leave so he can be with us for a full month once baby is here. He's already been looking into ways he can help and has been very proactive in getting the nursey done, car seats fitted and building all furniture. He's researched signs of PPD and keeps reassuring me that I'm going to be a great mum (lot of family trauma and opinionated people trying to make me think otherwise) and he has said that if I don't have the energy to enforce boundaries with family then he's happy to be 'the bad guy' Ever since we found out I was pregnant he has taken over majority of household tasks and cooking, he doesn't want me carrying shopping bags and actively encourages me to rest now I'm on mat leave. My brother is also very much a hands on dad even to his step kids.
Yeah I also think this is pretty generalised. I mean if my fiance is getting up for work the next day and I'm on mat leave then I won't be expecting him to get up and deal with the baby as I don't personally feel that would be fair. However other than that my fiance and a real hands on dad. Yes I do the majority but that's because my job allows me to, and his doesn't, not because he doesn't want to
I don't expect much help in the 1 am 6 am window because my hubby does start at 7 for work. But I am concerned that I'm not going to get help on weekends when "he needs to get caught up on sleep"
I think this is very generalized and is only towards one group of people. Women do this too. And will use PPD or other things like anxiety or another mental disorder to get out of taking care of the child. It’s not just men. My husband has been a very active partner in my pregnancy. He makes sure I have what I need before and after he goes to work. He makes sure I have very little to do if anything at all until he gets home then proceeds to do what I haven’t done (I.e dishes, laundry, take the dogs out, feed animals, cook, etc) WITHOUT me asking him to. He has done far more research then me and makes sure I get as much rest and a stress free environment as possible. This man works a range of hours so it’s never the same day to day and is far from “lazy” when it comes me or my pregnancy. He makes sure I feel as supported as possible
@Ashlee that’s when sit down and talk about it and you create a schedule with each other,example:he catches up on sleep every other weekend and the weekends he’s not you catch up on sleep unless you feel you don’t need to
Not true. A man always shows his true colors. If he isn’t helping you before the baby with cooking and cleaning. He isn’t going to help after. Also, I make a conscious effort not to ask to go take a shower or go get my hair cut. I tell him.
I think there’s some signs before the baby gets here🤷🏽♀️ that’s just me. Some men can also show signs of depression during the postpartum phase as well so that’s something to keep in mind, especially if it’s a night and day change.
I've noticed with the men in my family, friends, etc most aren't as much help at first but once the baby is more interactive and he can have more fun with the baby is when they get more interested... just my opinion. My husband is taking 2 weeks off to help me while I'm healing at first and then once he goes back to work I don't expect him to do the extra stuff anymore. If he does that's great but if not it's OK too. I guess every relationship is different too.
I don't think you can put this on all men. I think some women end up with useless men and they make a lot of noise about it.