Experiencing Mom Guilt

My daughter isn’t even born yet, but I am experiencing the biggest guilt ever. I got a job offer at a daycare. I’ll get to bring her for free, however I won’t be the one taking care of her while i’m there. I wanna be the one to take care of her not some stranger, i’ve tried talking to my husband about it but he’s not seeing my side. I do currently have a part time job, and I like it and don’t wanna quit. I’m at a loss on what to do.
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I’m gonna be honest from a former daycare employee perspective. 1) personally, my daughter will NOT be going to daycare ONLY BECAUSE I won’t be there with her. 2) being there with her is the BEST case scenario. You’ll know IMMEDIATELY if anything happens, and you can check in on her during your break time/get to feed her yourself. 3) daycare is a GREAT place for socialization, even at such a young age. Also, you’ll be getting a discounted rated. Even if you’re on CCIS, it’s discounted from THAT rate as well. Also diapers are usually included in tuition, so score there for saving on diapers lol. And 4) it’s SUPER HELPFUL to have other people’s experience to lean on for yourself AND your baby. If I could justify it financially to return to working at a daycare, I would for my daughters sake, but I cannot justify making $15 LESS an hour. I say if it won’t hurt you financially to make the switch, do it! And tbh, if you don’t like it, you can always change it up again later!

I would be making less than what I make rn, granted they want me fulltime at the daycare, but I truly do not wanna be working fulltime. I’m studying to become a dental assistant, and working fulltime just isn’t something that’ll make that happen quicker. I just wanna stay home with her.

@Renee if that’s the case then I would stay put. Is it in the cards for you to be able to stay home and be with your baby and study instead of working? If so, it sounds like that’s the best route for you

@Brie my husband doesn’t see it that way. He’s worried about money (we aren’t hurting for money by any means). He wants me to take the fulltime daycare job bc it’s a fulltime position, and we get to bring her for free. But at my current job I’m also allowed to bring her until he’s done with work.

@Renee at the end of the day, whatever is going to be best for your family in the long run is what you should do (this also includes whatever makes you feel most comfortable, it’s not good for you OR your family if you’re not comfortable with the situation!) I don’t have this particular situation, but I think it may be worth the two of you sitting down and creating a pros and cons list, and a list of monthly expenses vs income with your current job and with you not working at all, but I personally would leave the daycare out of it so that it doesn’t feel forced for you to do something you don’t want to do. Although it might also be helpful just to see what difference the daycare might make financially, as well. At the end of the day, it’s really YOUR choice, but I feel it would be best for you two to work as a team and come to a decision together

@Renee Something that helps me with my husband is to just show him the numbers. Work out how much it would be if you worked full vs part time, AND the cost of extra semesters of school if you had to do fewer classes at a time because you were working full time. That’s the cost he may not see. If your studying is suffering, you may have to repeat classes or take longer to finish the degree, which means longer until you can switch to the full time dental job which likely pays more. Maybe do expected salary for the next few years to show that in 5 years you’ll have more money overall if you take a slight hit now, work part time, but finish the degree sooner. Also being able to focus on studying means better grades and potentially more job opportunities! This approach may not work for you, you know how your husband thinks. I finished my degree last year and my hubby didn’t always understand all of the factors at play, just saw “in school means lower paycheck”. Message me to chat more!

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