I need to vent

Hi everyone. I find myself needing to vent and since I don’t have any friends in this same situation I hope someone can just hear me out. So I have a 2 month old. My mom has graciously offered to help watch my baby while I work from home. Which is perfect. I love love love my mom. And she’s so great with my baby. My problem is that my SIL has a 4 month old and wants my mom to also watch him while she works. I don’t mind my mom watching her son but my main issue is that my MIL hasn’t offered to watch my son at all. She’s been in town for weeks and has only come by to see him maybe twice and it’s only when my husband is out from work. Yet she spends most of the time at my SIL’s house watching over her son but won’t offer any help at all watching my son. Am I being petty for not wanting my mom to watch over my SIL’s son? Are they taking advantage of us? Should I speak my mind? I am just not good at confrontation and I wouldn’t want to cause issues but why should my mom take care of her son when my MIL can’t even offer to take care of her grandson? I hope it makes sense. I am just so upset that the same sentiment is not reciprocated considering that my son is also her grandson. Should I say something?
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You should speak your mind in a respectful way. It’s not your mother’s responsibility to watch your SIL’s child. She’s choosing to help out her daughter, which is you, because you are HER daughter and it is her grandson. Your SILs child is not her grandson. It’s extremely inappropriate for her to expect your mom to watch her son. If she wants to pay your mother for babysitting that’s another story. Does your husband have an opinion about this situation since this is his mother?

@Samantha when I asked him all he said was that he didn’t know what to do. I’m so upset at him right now for that as well cause it seems like he wasn’t on board when i told him about my mom coming over to help me but as soon as it turned into potentially helping his sister he was completely okay with that

@Samantha and she will be paying my mother which is fine but I’m so upset that my mother does this so happily and without wanting anything in return yet my MIL can’t even offer to watch my son for a couple hours knowing full well that I also need the help.

I don’t think you’re being petty. I think it’s reasonable to get upset because you feel like your MIL is favoring your nephew over your son. Have you tried asking your MIL to watch your son sometimes? Maybe she doesn’t want to overstep. My MIL loves to watch my daughter, but will never blatantly ask because she’s afraid to come off as a boomer grandma and offend me. She finds it easier to just go to her daughter’s house and watch her children because of her relationship with her daughter. As for your mom watching your SILs son, I think that might be confusing for your nephew and a bit weird? I married into my husband’s family; but my mom did not. It’s hard enough for her to watch my kid sometimes, much less watch another kid that isn’t necessarily kin to her. However, I get some families are more extended so it may not be weird for you. I say, if you don’t feel comfortable or want your mom to watch your SILs son, then just tell your SIL that your mom can’t/ can only watch one kid.

I never understand that logic and I’m really sorry you have to deal with this. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Okay second question that’ll help me with my next response. What does your Mom think about all of this or does she know?

@Cheyenne I haven’t asked her to watch my son but should I even ask? Like I’ve talked to her how it’s been a struggle trying to balance work and baby while working from home. So she knows that I need the help. Another thing why would she only offer to come when my husband is out from work.. which is generally after 7pm. (Literally almost bedtime) idk am I in the wrong? Is it me? Am I the problem? I’ve always tried to be super nice and attentive when she’s here. I’m just so upset that my mom could be bonding with my son but know has to split her time with my nephew

@Samantha my mom seems fine with watching both boys but that’s just how she is. She won’t say no because she’s just that type of person that will help out if you need the help. I haven’t really told her how I feel about the whole situation

You are not in the wrong in the least bit. Maybe you could try talking to your MIL about how you feel? Or talking to your husband about how you feel so he could talk to his mom and your SIL? I definitely wouldn’t want my mom taking care of my SIL’s child unless it was a one time thing. I feel like it’d be asking my mom too much because, while I love my niece and nephews, it’s not my mom’s responsibility. My mom is not their grandparent and I do believe it would take away from her getting to know and spend time with my child, who is her grandchild.

@Cheyenne I definitely agree with you. I did speak with my husband this morning and he said he understood how I was feeling and mentioned he would talk to my MIL. But I highly doubt it. My mom as we speak is taking care of both boys and since I work from home I am the verge of just quitting because I feel so bad that she is taking on this huge responsibility.

Give your mom a heads up but I would let your SIL ask your mom that way you're not in the middle and no issues arise. But if your mom does say yes I would definitely ask for payment. That way your mom is not being taken advantage of. If your SIL refuses to even pay something, If I was your mom I would totally say no.

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