TW- death and unaliving

TW- death and unaliving I am currently 36+3 with twins. My MIL passed away unexpectedly a month ago. Last week, my sister’s partner unalived himself. Neither myself nor my partner have properly processed either of these events. I’ve had elevated blood pressure for the last week, flirting with preeclampsia. I will likely be induced within the next week. I’m so sad, all the time. Part of my brain is also selfishly furious at MIL and BIL for “stealing” what should be such a joyous and zen end time of my first (and likely only) pregnancy. I’m extremely good at compartmentalization, but I worry about all these emotions swirling around in the background. I know my babies can feel them. I’m sorry if this triggers or brings anyone down, I just needed to vent it out. 😞
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Suicide is really complicated. All those feelings are very normal, though not pleasant. Don't worry about your babies though, they will be OK. It sounds like you're receiving wonderful medical care. I had a suicide happen in my family a month before my baby was born. At the time, it felt like the end of the world. Lots of anger, and similar emotions you are feeling. However, once my sweet baby arrived, nothing else mattered to me anymore. All the anger and sadness left me. I only wished my family member who died could meet my new sweet girl. Sending hugs 🫂

I’m really sorry to hear about your loved ones. I do urge you to find a pregnancy/postpartum therapist though. 80% of women who have multiples struggle with PPD PPA or both. I can personally attest that those twin post birth hormones will send you for the ride of your life even without having lost not one but two people. Praying for you!

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