MIL old lady negligence

My mother in law was watching our 3 month old for the day. I needed to have a outpatient procedure done and wanted my husband with me. It was 6 hours with drive time. We came back to pick him up and he was sleeping. I started collecting his things and I saw some weird stuff in his bottle. I ask her what was going on and she said she fed him a cereal bottle because he wouldn’t stop getting hungry. I asked her where she even found the cereal and she said she had my FIL buy some and drop it off. She said she did it with her boys around this age. I cut her off mid sentence and flew into a frenzy like a feral fucking cat or something. I was half drugged still, uncomfortable, betrayed, anxious for my baby… and said some nasty things to her and made some threats about her privileges with our family. This was 3 weeks ago and she wants to see my baby again. She keeps calling my husband and hasn’t spoke to me. I told him no. I need an apology first and she doesn’t think she didn’t anything wrong. What exactly is the move here? I am going to stand my ground but at what point can she see my baby again? Like Christmas? Birthday? Lol. Idk how to make her understand. It would be different if I got an apology. I know I said some nasty thing but how can I trust her? She was mixing my breast milk with goats milk formula. You aren’t even supposed to mix cereal and breast milk. I’m just fucked up about it.

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Nothing without an apology. Stick to that. Anything else is letting her think that she didn’t do anything wrong, I’d go ballistic as well. People do stupid shit and no one is perfect but apologies are always necessary.

This is exactly why I’m worried about letting my MIL care for my boy! She’s cared for him a few times for an hr or 2 but any longer I anxious what she’s doing! Last night we were over there and when he was on her lap (sat in a slightly reclined position up against her) he kept yawning and rubbing his eyes, and a couple of times almost fell asleep (I said aww he’s tired I noticed she started bouncing him on her knee, at first it kinda looked like she was bouncing him to help him fall asleep, then she swapped him onto her other knee and sat him completely upright and started bouncing him again and I realised she was doing it to keep him awake!! When she finally let him come back to me, she left the room and when she came back in, I had him in my arms laying down (he let out a little “sleepy” moan) and she moaned at me saying “that’s because he wants to be sat up!!” I said “no he’s tired” and within 5 min he was fast asleep! I know my son! And I hate it when she thinks she knows best!!

After an apology, Maybe husband can explain to her that things have changed since 20/30 years ago. The advice was to wean at 3 months when I was born (36 years ago) she genuinely probably doesn't understand as it was what she was taught. Maybe educate her with the latest safety guidance also write down what you do step by step Xx

@Lee why was she trying to keep him up? X x

She sees him when you decide. Pretty simple. Stand your ground. No apology, no access to baby. Being a grandparent is a privilege not a right

She needs to apologize. And I mean REALLY apologize, not just pull that, "Sorry you're mad, but I don't think I did anything wrong," crap that MILs seem to be good at. Until she gives you a genuine apology in which she acknowledges that she should not have overstepped the way she did, she doesn't need to be around your child.

Did you make it known to her before that you didn’t want her feeding cereal bottles? If not, maybe you need to apologize. I know it’s upsetting but your baby will live and if you didn’t tell her beforehand how would she know? It’s what was recommended to them when she was raising babies

Nada - not even Christmas. I threatened this and when they realized it was not an empty threat some things changed. This isn’t just your rule but your baby’s safety. I wouldn’t trust her alone again either.

@Lee ugh that’s so annoying. I have just taken my son from MIL when she tries something like that. They just seem to care about their selfish wants (play mom and hold a baby) vs what the baby actually needs.

@Emma she went out of her way to go buy cereal and bring it into my house?? That’s weird. Why would I show her how to mix my formula and breast milk together and not show her if I used cereal? Sometimes babies don’t live. Sometimes babies aspirate food into their lungs, get pneumonia and die… there’s a reason it’s not recommended

@Alex before I left I showed her how to mix my breast milk and formula. If I wanted him to have cereal it would have been with his bottle station items. She’s crazzzy😩 suck I have to tell her what NOT to do. I should have been able to leave her with instructions on what to do and been fine

It definitely is weird and doesn’t make it right but just think about where she’s coming from. She was just doing what she thought was best and trying to help

Firstly people make excuses for poor behaviour. Do not let anyone corrode your standards or boundaries. Completely agree with your reaction. Apology is necessary to rebuild trust even if you decide unsupervised isn't possible. Your a mum and a person who requires respect.

I understand feeling like this. I wouldn't allow her around him at all without a genuine apology for her actions. We let my MIL watch our son for less than 30 minutes when he was a week old and left her with the instructions to SPOON feed him because he was having issues latching. We came back to this lady trying to feed him 2+ OZ of breastmilk out of a fucking bottle meant for a 4 month old 😐 No one told her to use a bottle...I specifically left the spoon and let it be known he need to be spoon fed because we aren't using bottles yet. She went out of her way to search for that specific bottle.. when there were newborn ones out already too whi h made me even more mad. You want to give them the benefit of the doubt and let them be around their grandchild then they do some stupid shit to fuck with your anxiety as a new mother 🤠 Its safe to say since that day.. well even before then I decided she wouldn't be babysitting our child until they can speak and ASK to go to her.