Am I the asshole/what do i do?!

So today my other half left….. (Little back story) Since having our son we’ve been constantly hit with battle after battle. We became homeless, living on an air bed in a fam member’s 1bd apartment, I’ve been not getting hours at work, (which I’m now unable to get to), our finances have been hit after hit, our car yesterday (day of my sons party of course) decided to blow its transmission, which at this point had already put the cherry on top, (mind yall this isn’t all that happened much more has too) out of the 65 ppl supposed to show 20 showed up to the party 🙄 which hit home a lot cuz for my siblings baby shower in November the whole fam showed up. (Mind u I didn’t get a baby shower so everyone was like oh first bday oh first bday yea what bs that was) Well within the hard times it’s put a huge strain on our situation and relationship. We’ve say up all night long talking about what to do where to go how to do things. Which brings us to today…. Today my son officially turned one, we were supposed to do our own thing just the 3 of us, (mind u in my brain at this point is jus pushing through trying to jus simply have a good day, and week cuz my boys 1, I got a gift for my other half for Valentine’s Day (nothing crazy but something I put a lot of thought in) and jus trying to make the most of it) well we get up we’re cuddling he goes to the store and come back and tells me his family is on his way from 3hrs away to come get him…. As u could imagine it sent me… my heart collapsed to my stomach, and everything went black… I asked him why?! What?! When?! How could u jus leave?! What about us?! In 3 years we’ve never been apart… he tells me he’s going there to set up a life for the 3 of us, and have us come down later, but we’ve never not done something together so I was upset at the fact that he’s leaving 3hrs away with no car, i have no car here either, we can’t see eachother for however long but supposed to still be together and all this. Y’all idek how I’m getting to work now I’m worried cuz out of no where my man decides he’s grabbing clothes and jus leaving on our sons birthday to “make a better life for us” without us.. why today of all days?! How to u leave your partner and kid jus like that, and say it’s ok we’ll be ok, but we’re 3hrs apart and carless/technically homeless/no way to work…. I’ve been a sahm until 2 month ago, and now suddenly I’m a half?! Single mom??? Idek what to call it…. And he questioned me why I’ve been bawling all day?! Like idek what to say and think rn, idek what I’m doing rn….

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Is there a specific reason he’s going on his own? Is he going to be living with family in tighter walls than now? Or do you have conflict with his family? Maybe he really does need to be apart to focus on finances and accumulating some cash. When times were rough for us my husband took a two week work trip about 8 hours away from home and was working 72hour weeks. No way could he have done that at home caring for me and our child. But you know I still figured my way out at home with the baby. I still got up for work and I still moved on with my life because a part of me wasn’t sure if he’d come back. So I’d say toughen up mama because the hardest but maybe most rewarding part is about to start! Look for positives. Wouldn’t any other situation be better than the one you’re dreading everyday. I know it sucksssss to be away from your partner. But you have your son and that’s all you really need. 🫶🏼 my heart feels for you

No way! I'm so sorry, but did he hit the news without a prior conversation? That is disrespectful. You deserved a full discussion. If it's true that he has good intentions, then I can understand, but it's hard to tell when he is taking action on his own.

@MILA 🙃 I knew a whole 3hrs before his dad came and got him…..

@Gabbi I understand his intentions but I literally had a 3hr notice before he left and it was our sons bday…. Me and his family are fine they have always adored me his dad even shot the shit with me in parking lot like nothing was going on he’s staying with his grandparents

Sorry to say but imo it sounds like he is trying to disguise a break up.. whatever this Is its inconsiderate to do it on your soms birthday, he had to wait 1 day.. I know it's going to be hard but if I was in your shoes I'd be telling him to stay the fek out of my way and be trying my hardest to fake a smile and be brave for a few hours to give my child the full attention that they deserve on their day! I'm sorry he's put you in such a sh*t situation on such a precious day x

@katherine man did I fight so hard to get through the day, and honestly that’s what it feels like but he still texts and calls like everything is normal and fine and I’m here a train wreck

I'm so sorry 😞 how awful this is! My advice would be turn off your phone for the rest of the day, go and splash some cold water on your face and take some deep breaths mumma xx

If he really is trying to make a better life then I don’t understand why he didn’t talk to you about this instead of just up and leaving. He’s either lying or (if this is even an option for you) you could ask to join him. Maybe you can rebuild wherever it was he was planning on moving. Either way, if all works out in the end and he isn’t just trying to bail then you need to them him to work on his communication skills. I’m so sorry this is happening, you don’t deserve to be left in the dark like this.

@Kathryn thank you, and I feel like he’s both trying and lyin and idk if it’s cuz my past isn’t the brightest when it came to relationships, and me and him have been together for 3 years, and it broke me for him to just up and leave without even talking to me first about this idea. I wish it was an option to go but he’s staying with family who can’t take all 3 of us at one time. Which honestly kills me even more

I guess the more immediate problem is y’all’s situation and the grief of the moment. Let yourself feel for sure because this is an incredibly hard situation. You and your baby deserve better. Try to give yourself some grace while you are struggling. When you are feeling up to it, maybe start brainstorming some plans. Do you have any friends or family nearby with similar aged kids? Maybe y’all could room together and take turns watching the babies, share a car, etc. you could check to see if there is a job available that might offer daycare or allows you to bring baby along. You could also try reaching out to women’s shelters - I know you have a place to stay but they may have have any services that could help.

Does he have a job that he’s leaving?

@Laura yep he left it to go 3hrs away

@Kathryn I have literally 0 friends and little family, let alone some with kids about his age, I don’t talk to anyone at my job so rn I’m missing days cuz I have no way there, Uber and stuff like that doesn’t exsist up here I’m on a 3 year waitlist for childcare My brains been so fried

@Karla thanks, lowkey my brain says the same thing

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