SIDS

Hi all, one of my closest friends has just lost her 8 week old baby boy to SIDS (awaiting post mortem) but it happened suddenly during the night. She’s a stickler for following guidelines and she’s absolutely beside herself I have absolutely no idea what to say to her and I feel incredibly guilty to be pregnant with my own little boy. I want to support her but I also don’t want to feel like I’m rubbing it in her face I’m still expecting my own boy. It’s made me SO anxious, and I know it’s incredibly rare but to have it happen to such a close friend has really made me think twice 😢. I’d love to breastfeed but I can’t medically (I’m on immune suppressants) and I saw that bottle fed babies are at higher risk of SIDS deaths. She’s usually the friend I would go to with anything like this but because it’s her little boy I just feel so conflicted and want to support her best I can. Any advice please ladies 💙 x
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That's so incredibly sad for everyone involved 😔 your poor friend. And also totally understandable to trigger anxiety in you. Look up safe sleep on the lullaby trust. They have lots about sids and how to reduce the risk. I believe having a dummy can reduce the risk of sids in the first 6 months. I also think not smoking, bed sharing ect all lower the risk. If you are planning to cosleep, knowing how to do it safely is important. Ultimately, sometimes sad things just happen, and nobody could have prevented it, as hesrt breaking as that is. Try your best not to worry xxx

Some things I learned after loss of my father and friends who have lost loved ones: Just respect her time to grieve, if she comes to you listen, but know you won’t understand her pain. If she needs space, give her the space. Still invite her to things like your shower, she will still want to feel included, but let her know if it’s a sensitive time you understand her mourning. I’m sorry for her loss and you’ll probably notice some distance for awhile, just give her grace and space. 🤍 Check in on her, acknowledge her son, don’t forget him because she won’t. Also lastly, Don’t let it rob your joy, your life and baby are different. We can’t live in fear.

My best friend lost her little girl to Sid’s at 4 months old, I went and held her at the funeral home 2 weeks after she passed away it absolutely broke me, I found out I was pregnant with a little girl 4 months later. I completely understand how your feeling and honestly there’s no easy way around it, there are so many feelings, you feel so broken for your friend, so guilty for having a baby yourself, and so guilty for feeling so terrified from a grief that shouldn’t even be your own. My anxiety with my little girl has been horrendous she’s 2 now, and honestly it never really stopped I found the only thing that truly helped was buying an owlet, they are super expensive and honestly it broke the bank to get one at the time but I think if I hadn’t I just wouldn’t have coped, it measures her oxygen levels and heart rate whilst she’s sleeping, we had a scare when she was 6 months old, the alarms went off and her oxygen had dropped to 67% and heart rate super low in its 30s.

We couldn’t wake her so rushed her to a and e it wasn’t until we got there after the entire car ride of me screaming at her that she woke up, I believe I may have lost her if it wasn’t for the owlet, so genuinely, if you have anxiety, it’s so so worth getting one it’s the only thing that’s helped me sleep at night. The most important thing is to enjoy your baby, make the most of every day, these things are so rare but they rob us of everything. You must focus on enjoying your baby boy and do whatever you need to to get through it. Be there for your friend but never at the expense of your own feelings. It hits us hard too. Obviously no where near as hard as mum. But they are people who mean a lot to us it’s ok for us to hurt. Be strong, it will all be ok 😊

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