Hitting! Please help!

I don’t know what to do. We’re now three weeks into my little one hitting others and I’m so exhausted with it. We can’t socialise with other little ones without him hitting or throwing himself into them. We went to a group this morning and there was only one other toddler there, a few months younger than mine who was so calm and quiet. Then because he was doing something my son didn’t like he started hitting. I told him off and made him come and sit with me for a few minutes. But he doesn’t seem to get it! He’s quite intelligent so I thought he would have begun to understand that it’s bad and there are consequences. Has anyone got any advice? I feel like just not going out

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As weird as it sounds I don’t get really cross if mine hits, if I do he’s getting a reaction from me which is what he wants. Instead I just really calmly say to him that what he’s doing hurts and that it will make the other child sad. And then I’ll say to him ‘do you think (the other child) is ok?’ (After he/she been pushed or hit). If he does it again I say it calmly again and remove him by just moving him a little way away, it seems to have helped us. Because he doesn’t get a big reaction the novelty has worn off for him (he used to laugh when I got cross with him for doing it) and he now also seems to realise it makes the other child sad. It’ll take a little time but keep at it. Also a massive emphasis on praise when your toddler does play nicely! Good luck x

@Beth this is exactly what I wanted to do but feel that the mums of the children he’s hitting are then very judgemental and feel like I’m not dealing with it. I would praise him if he played with other children nicely but he never does anymore 😩

I wouldn’t worry about what other mums think, it’s not like you’re not sitting there ignoring him when he does it. Doing what I mentioned above is teaching him empathy and also showing him his reactions have consequences (as it makes the other child sad). Theres no point in getting cross with him or making him apologise to the other child as what’s the point in making him say sorry if he doesn’t actually feel sorry. Rather emphasise checking if the other child is ok. They also get a big reaction from you if you get cross and so he’ll keep doing it to get a reaction. Staying calm is key and staying consistent when he does it, it will take a while for the message to get across but he’ll get there. Hopefully the nice playing with then come back x

Honestly don’t worry about other mums. (We’ll all go through it at somepoint) and many be understanding . My little boy has been similar, we’ve started having little chats on the way to places. Explaining why it’s not nice to hit. When he does it I don’t tell him off. Instead I apologise to the child myself and say “we’re sorry” “are you feeling okay”. If my little one is being a little more tricky I will pull him away and tell him he can’t join in until he is kind.

I am in this stage, my daughter also can’t speak yet so it’s a build up of frustration as well. Really struggling with it too. X

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