Ready to be alone
Hi moms, it’s been 3 yrs since I’ve become a mom. I have 3 under 3 and life has been hell. Ofc I have my good moments but I’m so depressed and angry,& so many negative thoughts in my head. I want the best for my kids, I don’t feel like they dad will do that. He claims he loves them and all this and that. He is there everyday, but barely interact w them. 3 boys mind you. I’m just so tired, over worked at my job, over stimulated at home, so much to do and it seems like I’m just failing. I smoke 🍃 but since my car broke down last month I can’t buy it like I want to. It’s the one thing that keeps me calm and focus’s me back to reality. My relationship is a fucking joke atp. He has verbally told me he only w me for the kids& I feel like that’s bs. I don’t want anyone to be around me if they don’t wNna be. I just wanna be alone. I don’t wanna leave my kids, but sometimes I feel like I need a few days away from the whole house. I’m literally fighting for my life atp& I’m not doing okay. I’m hurting, I’m sad, I’m just a mess. I get 4-6 hrs of sleep if even at night I work at 7am& never get to come home to a clean house, food on the stove, trash sitting outside the door from 3 days ago..like & another thing he is always accusing me of shit, like this man has whole access to my phone. And I go to work and come home. But if I get to mad and walk out then I just went and f’d w a man or was at they house, when I’m reality I’m outside talking to myself looking crazy, hair barely be done, but over all I’m just wondering if anyone if y’all have ever just took that vacation away from your babies? I’m not trying to abandon them or stop being a mom, I JUST REALLY NEED A BREk. A real one,please anyone just tell me the real!