Husband is having an emotional affair

Just a couple of days ago my husband recently told me he was emotionally attracted to someone he works with and she feels the same way. We have a 14 month old daughter and we had a hard time adjustment to parenthood(lack of intimacy and communication). Not that this is no reason for him to do what he did. This other woman is also married and has two kids(5 and 3). Today they are suppose to have a talk about what they need to do(pursue what they have, completely close everything off but work). He claimed that he still loves me and wants to try to work it out, and I do as well to an extent… Any advise would be greatly appreciated
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Girl the only thing you need to work out is the lease on your next place.. stop playing with yourself and stop letting the man play with you

If he says he loves you and wants to work it out then there is something there that could be worked on. Maybe you’ll come out of this stronger. Happens all the time Xx

If you both want to try fixing it then do it. He needs to be able to prove himself to you and I think counseling would be very helpful for you both. I don't believe in just giving up because of a mistake, divorce is my last absolute option, infact my husband and I don't even joke about or use the word because we are so strongly against it

I’m curious what the emotional affair consists of. Like are they buddies? Do they lust after each other but don’t act on it?

@Liv he did say he does want to talk to a therapist, something that is hard for him.

Honestly I'd make sure this woman's husband knew all about it and pack his stuff so he could go be physically attracted as well. To actually tell you + tell you she feels the same and they've planned to discuss it all today?! No thank you. You're worth more, right??

@Erica I asked this myself, he was very honest with me and told me that he saw a lot of the drive and value I use to have when we were first married and up until a year ago.. I’ll be honest I lost myself and feel very unmotivated since becoming a mom. He said they share a lot of the same values

I don’t think I could live with the thought that any minute now he can go running to that woman. Also I don’t know why they are deciding what to do, as you two are married, should be up to you and him 🤷‍♀️

@Peer95 forgot to mention that in the post, she did also tell her husband about it too. And he got very upset

What there is to discussed.. This woman husband knows anything.. probably not.. if he really wants to be with you he would have already feel remorseful and looking for another job and you guys booking therapy. He has to real prove himself to you!! Not looking to discuss anything with this woman.

@Sabrina Ramirez agreed, we actually had a productive conversation last night. We both said a lot of what needed to be said.

Sorry but he sounds awful! He should be supporting you as the mother of his child instead of running to someone else thinking the grass is greener. Honestly have the upper hand and leave...yes it will be hard at first but surely surely surely that is better than trying to cling on to a man who has told you he's basically on the verge of sleeping with someone else.

@Elizabeth her husband does know, she told him about my husband too..I would agree 1000 percent.

It sounds like he told you about the conversation so that you can tell him what to do- like tell him you want to save your marriage and he should tell her to close everything off. And if he’s asking you to work it out I think he’s seeking connection with you and hoping that you feel the same.

@Jill oh yeah, I did tell him I want to work it out

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Girl he can feel how ever he wants for others but not at your expense, the fact that he can tell you that is all respect and all honesty as a man he’s telling you up front , id work on separation, y’all have a kid together let the ball be in your court not the other way around, if there’s no intimacy and lack of communication then why are y’all trying for, it’s sad we get into these situations but it’s never permanent I’m married and going to leave my situation bc it’s not healthy or benefiting plus my kids deserve to see me in the best form as possible, I’m not passing on no dumb cycles our parents taught us!

Msg me if u would like to chat. I went thru this very exact same thing. Mine and my husband's relationship is better than its ever been now that we have been able to move forward.

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it, too. If he loves you and wants to "work it out," then what is this conversation he needs to have with his emotional lover about their "relationship," and what they are doing about it? If he loves you and wants to work it out with you, then there is nothing to decide, he distances himself from her, block her, and respects you the way he should as his wife and mother of his child. Put your foot down and let him know this isn't acceptable and the fact that he is willing to jeopardize his family is acceptable. He needs to straighten up and act like a man.

His needs, her needs is a great book about this exact situation that I think would help for both of you to read.

I’m going to be super blunt, for him to even bring this to you is super disrespectful. Yes like okay, thank you for the honesty but you need to say bye to this man. I feel like as women we sometimes tend to tolerate a lot. That’s why men continue to treat us badly. They think, “okay the outcome wasn’t bad”, then they’ll test their luck again with another situation. This man told you he and his coworker he is emotionally attracted to need to have a talk about what they want to do. So okay what if she decides to stay with her husband, then he stays with you? Like don’t even sit around waiting to hear what their decision was. The only option and discussion you and him should be having right now is about coparenting. I know sometimes the thought of starting over pushes us to stay in a situation that is not healthy. But trust me you will be fine. Something better is out there and you’re just holding yourself back from it if you decide to stay.

Stop thinking with your heart. That’s what your heart wants but not what it needs. You deserve better love, don’t even attempt to fix this situation. Please don’t try to work things out. If it was the lack of intimacy and communication minus this whole emotional affair. Then yes, that’s something that you guys can work towards fixing. This man started a whole relationship with this person already, despite what he’s telling you. The fact that he and her need to talk about what to do shows the extent to how far things have gone.

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like they are having a “conversation”

Having a child is completely life changing and a time as a woman where so much changes, their body, feelings, commitments, socials. The fact that he didn’t embrace and support those changes and instead sought an emotional connection elsewhere during a time when his emotional support should have been channelled at home, would be enough to make me want to walk away. The fact he justified it that she had a lot of qualities you showed when you first met is almost insulting. You will possess so many great qualities now as a mother and wife and he should be embracing them, not living in the past/searching for what was. There will also be other times in the future where you are both challenged and where you both feel that you have changed etc. You are meant to grow together and I think this situation is telling you that he is not going to stick by you through life’s journey. I think he is destroying your self-esteem xx

That's a man who doesn't know what he needs. Therapy for him individually is a good idea. Leaving him is an even better idea, or at least separating for a bit.

If you have the means to separate til he “figures things out” I would. I know it’s not always that easy though. I’m not happy with my husband for other reasons (he’s not working and we don’t along). Don’t put the blame on yourself. Just work on making yourself happy and keeping your baby happy! I wish you the best!❤️

@Cami agree !

@Nicki amen amen and amen preach girl

You can get through this and it's quite common for this to happen from either side. It takes time but it can also open communication. People are just so crazy to leave over everything and tell people to just leave but it's not easy and not always the right answer for every couple. they both came clean about their attraction to you and her partner is good, especially if they haven't been physical. You should be able to tell your partners when you're missing something to the point you're feeling like you could possibly cheat, otherwise you can't fix anything. Good luck and do what you think is right for you

He’s completely wasting your time… marriage isn’t flippant. You commit, through periods of growth and stagnation. You just became a mom and because of that he sees you as unmotivated? Your role has changed and you’re prioritizing your child. He’s being selfish and unrealistic. Let them have each other.

Ew I'm sorry but why would he hurt you like this but the only person who's losing is him for cheating on you. But the best thing to do is leave me and live you life for the best you and your child

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So many women on here say to just leave. What happened to fighting for what we love? Not saying to allow urself to be used, mistreated, abused or taken advantage of but if both parties are willing to work on the relationship why not fight for that spark that drew the two of said ppl together? Just my opinion.

@Crystal because he's cheated on her? Why would you want to be with someone who has done that and then decided the grass wasn't greener so they'll just keep you instead...I mean I know some allow it and they might think it's all alright now etc but they they're just waiting for the next time their phone pings, the next time they go to work, the next time they go to meet with friends. That life is not for me at least!

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