What to do ? 😔

Long post - I feel like my relationship is starting to turn violent and abusive, physically. For starters I love my partner and want to be with him and the thought of not to be is sickening however I feel like I am better off. We have been through a lot as a couple and have had a third trimester loss which I believe has triggered these emotions. We have spoke about going to therapy. We have since gone on to have 2 more. The oldest is nearly 2. He is more verbally abusive. He’s never been physically abusive but at times I do wonder and get scared if he would. He has untreated ADHD which he’s in the process of getting help. Anyways today it took a turn for the worst unexpectedly. Long story short, it was over making a baby bottle. He asked for 4, I made 7 (the baby was crying and making 7oz took ages) he said he wanted the 4oz for quickness to settle her which I understand now but my thought process was make 7, her normal amount as no doubt she’ll want more after the 4oz or the 4oz won’t settle her. I gave him the 7 and he freaked and threw the bottle across the room saying he asked for 4 so wants 4 told me to go make an other. I picked it up and told him to just give her that and he’s freaking out even more and threw the bottle again and this time it broke and milk went everywhere. I’ve went to go make the 4oz and the prep needs more water which took FKING AGES!!!!! So now he’s freaking out even more and comes through to the kitchen asking what’s taking so long and the machine has still not fking reset to allow me to make one. She’s now crying and screaming even more. My partners screams at me to get out the kitchen and he’ll make it but he’s grabbed my arm and literally ripped me across the kitchen and I’ve falling on the floor and into the cooker. In DISBELIEF wtf just happened. I’ve took my boy out the kitchen with me to the room. I’m genuinely scared and shaken at this point. We stayed there for a while till things calmed down. We’ve hardly really spoke just here and there. I did go through to the room to talk as he’s working later so he’s going for a nap. Barly spoke but he allowed me to lie next/on him as I was leaving I asked if I could get a cuddle and seen I was upset so moved over but turned under the covers. I told him I was really sorry and didn’t mean for any of it to happen. He eventually kinda semi apologised saying ‘he shouldn’t have pushed me like that’ but the rest still stands which I get and understand. I know this should warrant red flags to leave but it’s not as easy as that. I feel sad it’s got to this as there’s no coming back, it’s happened. I want to stay to make things work as I genuinely believe he’s a good person and believe a lot of the way he acts is down to his untreated ADHD. I feel really sad as I’ve already bruised where he’s grabbed me and a bruise where I’ve falling into the cooker. It iterally feels like a dream and I’ll wake up Kind words please 😔