bm is jealous and envious like unfortunately most are.... if she has no concrete proof on why he should have 50/50 I don't see the rejecting it....
She doesn’t want to lose over nights because it could affect some child support
I have been through a very similar situation. It sucks but don't give up. Keep fighting. It will be worth it for your daughter to know that you never stopped fighting for her when she is older
I've also been in a very similar situation, I think it is sadly very common. Have also had experience with her crying wolf and getting protective orders and going back n forth on decisions constantly. I'm confused though as to why he has never had overnights. Were they previously married? Do they have joint custody or does she have some custody? I'm in CT and they definitely lean towards the mother as much as possible. My bf had always had 50/50 custody since they got divorced but we just gave SD Friday night to Sunday night. But that is a great improvement from where it got to.
I would talk to your lawyer and find out what he sees happen with custody when the judge decides. Don’t accept anything less than what a judge would give you.
@Alyssa they were engaged previously and they lived together as a family for the first ten months of the child’s life. She has majority custody and he just has visitation. Part of me wonders if she cried wolf like that so she had a reason to obtain majority custody because she knew she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on without it
@Mari Indiana!
@Cherese that’s what I’m saying! Plus her and her fiancé work in customer service/hospitality (fiancé is a chef and she works at a video game store) so their schedules are already non consistent so if the child is being dumped onto her parents/his parents when they’re working then what’s the fucking harm in just giving her to dad like the child deserves!
I know in my state there's a law or something that states if child isn't with parent the other parent has the first right to get child..... just keep fighting w a s husband was in the same position and got 50/50 and when we got together I helped him go back to court and got him taken off of child support... keep fighting until someone will listen
I dont know how the laws are in Indiana , im in Florida and its a 50/50 state. Go to mediation dont give up 50/50 if they dont agree the judge will decide , just document everything, ONLY communicate through the App , show that you have a consistent schedule, that you are flexible and willing to coparent , it’s always in the best interest on the child and your SS needs his dad .
@Collette I’m hoping she realizes this isn’t worth it and won’t exactly go her way if we end up going to court; I can’t imagine any reasonable judge would take “I just don’t think he’s ready” as an excuse for denying more time. I wish she would stop this madness and stop depriving her daughter of such valuable time with her dad. We saw my fiancés dad and one of his sisters tonight and his sister thinks he might have a case for alienation because when she needs their daughter to be looked after (and it’s not on a day he’s scheduled to see her), she doesn’t even bother contacting him. She’s also thrown a few tantrums over the app they have to use so I can only imagine (and hope) that she’ll fold in mediation tomorrow with the realization that all of that would be revealed to a judge. She even had the audacity once to tell my fiancé that her new man (a prior co worker that she had only been with for 9 months, was already engaged to & pregnant with) that their daughter was (1/2)
@Collette “more comfortable” with her new man vs her dad. Which is shocking considering she sees how wildly excited my step daughter gets when she gets to see dad. She gets so excited that when we visit her for a little bit at moms house, that she will sometimes cry because she wants to go home with him so bad. Like how absolutely heartless do you have to be to say something like that, knowing your daughter adores her dad??? It’s fucked up :( (2/2)
BM has said the same thing to my bf as well. I swear, I think these HCBM get together and come up with these crazy ideas together lol. I will say, please try to prepare yourself for this drama to continue forever, or at least until his daughter is old enough to have a cellphone and drive. I kept thinking things would calm down after judges were involved and decisions were made and that is definitely not the case, nor is it the case with many other HCBMs I see people vent about. Sometimes I wonder if I would have stayed if I understood that this drama would last forever. Now we have a baby boy together so I try to endure it but some days it is just so hard.
@Alyssa exactly. What makes me feel better now that my SD is 9 and she is able to see all the bs, she says her mom is mean and crazy but still we cant do anything .
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@Mari my SD at 5 is already starting to see it when she is real bad and asking why mommy is doing whatever crazy thing she is doing. One time it was my bfs day to pick her up from daycare and she was mad so she went to go pick her up before he could get there and bless my SDs heart, she freaked out at her and was like NO mom, I'm not going with you I'm going with DADDY!! Luckily that made her feel like the POS she was being and she just left lol
@Alyssa wow!! Been there too! im glad your SD was able to say that, my SD is terrified of her mom.
@Mari ugghh I'm so sorry, that is so sad and I really feel for these kids. I don't know how these HCBM could do this to their kids and still be able to look at themselves in the mirror
@Alyssa exactly they are hurting their own kid 💔💔💔
@Courtney it is true. overnights do affect child support. In Ohio for example there is a 10% reduction in child support if the person paying child support as the child for 73 nights a year. Different states have different rules.
Apparently, Indiana Code says that mother has sole custody of the child until a court orders otherwise, which I think is ridiculous.
Also, I guess Indiana child support laws changed as of 1/1/24. In 2023, there was only one line for overnights in the calculation but now the calculation will let you add overnights for each child if they spend a different number of overnights at the other parent's house. Confusing though lol
@Courtney OP isn’t in Texas. She is in Indiana and they do use overnights in the calculation of child support. I said different states have different rules on child support.
How did mediation go?
@Mari mediation went well! They’ve been on better terms lately and although he wants 50/50, they ended up agreeing on a new schedule that’s a bit more realistic than going straight into 50/50, but is also what he had suggested to her in the past for MONTHS. Basically on our on weekends we’ll have her Saturday 10am - Sunday 6pm. Then I starting in November (once both her and I have had our babies, and have had a chance to settle into our new routines with them a bit) we’ll have SD2 from Friday 6pm - Sunday 6pm. We’ll continue that until December where for what would be her Christmas break if she were school aged, we’ll have her the entire second week of Xmas break including the overnights (the week of Christmas), and then the beginning of January they’ll be revisiting mediation to discuss 50/50. It was nice bc she finally discussed what has been making her feel she doesn’t think he’s ready yet, & he was totally agreeable and on board with helping to relieve those worries (1/2)
@Mari So this current schedule is so he has enough to time to reassure her, so SD has plenty time to get used to the idea of the new schedule, and (since we’re both pregnant and my fiancé and I are getting married in the summer and November) so no one is stressing since a lot is happening between her baby being born in May and our second wedding in November. Second wedding is just our huge reception with all family/friends since we wanted to be married in the summer before baby arrived so we all had the same last name lol
Im glad you were able to work it out!! No need for drama
What state are you in?