I definitely understand! This essentially happened for us too and his daughter left after she turned 18 and we’ve not heard from her since and our littles are suffering because of it. Our 4 year old can’t sleep through the night and will just cry and tells me she’s so sad and will cry for at least an hour before she’s so exhausted and falls back asleep. She still tells me randomly she misses her sister. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on circumstances, mothers have a very strong hold on children. And some terrible mothers will manipulate their children and don’t care about the impact that it has and will have on those children. I can honestly say that I have no idea what we’ve done wrong. My husband loves and lives for his children. We have been told by all therapists that as soon as his kids turn 18 we would never hear from them again. And he has a son who is almost 20 years old and he still visits weekly. So long winded way of saying just love them and hope for the best.
Oh my god girl…same. So I have two step kids (girl, 11 and boy, 6). I’ve had to deal with the bio mom for almost 6 years now. This woman weaponizes her kids against their dad, has verbally wished my death, gaslights and plays victim…and now the kids are starting to act like her. Enjoying playing mind games, treating people like garbage…and she literally said “I have no idea what they learn this stuff” like excuse me??? Also she put down my SS dog, and said it was his fault, slut shames SD by saying she looks like a whore or slut if she wears shorts…golden child complex for SS, ignores SD, tells my husband (their dad obvi) that I’m toxic because I refuse to go to her house and act friendly, tries to get a rise out of me for no good reason, acts innocent and cries to my husband saying I’m making coparenting hard but also says I have no business coparenting also and treats me like I’m not there…there’s so much more. I could write a book…
Oh and also she’s bipolar too! But refuses meds saying she “just needs positive environment” And sounds a lot like your situation 🙃
I sympathize with you there is no winning in this matter that i can tell you. You can pour your heart out , give more than both parents combined but at the end of the day still you are the step mom. Make every move knowing that for your sanity.