Finding peace

How do I let go of all this anger with my bd?? We broke up a few months ago. He hasn’t shown up for our son since the day he was born. He cheated on me my whole pregnancy, he would gaslight me and tell me I was insecure for being curious about him cheating until I found out. I’ve been nothing but patient, caring and understanding with him until I was done with him constantly avoiding me and refusing to communicate, then I started calling him out on his shit. I spent a lot of nights crying. I had a high risk pregnancy and would get so stressed out it would send my body out of wack and I spent a lot of nights alone in the hospital. I’m so angry. But I know eventually I need to be decent with him for our son. How do I let go of this anger when I’m still so upset? What I wrote out isn’t even half of what he put me through. Through his addiction and self issues, I stuck by him. Until I lost myself and my heart was shattered. It’s hard to let go of.

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How old is your baby? Bc until that baby is 1-2 it’s likely not going to be an at “peace l” feeling

@Nat ♾️ he’s 3 months old

@Allie our emotions are extremely sensitive that first year. We carried a child for 10 months. Give yourself grace. Focus on enjoying your solitude and healing process

You can create peace for yourself and for your son. Peace of mind is everything and it does not really sound like he is worthy of disturbing your peace of mind. If he doesn’t want to show up for his son, I would say let that be and get DCS on the phone for the child support. You’ll drive yourself mad trying to force him to be present when trying to get him to be a dad is not your job. I would say focus on you and your boy babe! It’s your responsibility to not only give yourself a good life, but your son too. You have peace, love and happiness within you, let it radiate!

@Nina I agree, you said it best

I had a similar situation and I’m so sorry. I’m trying to be a partner but i just learned you can’t force someone to be a parent. You can only control the parent you decide to be which is empowering to me. If you decide to forgive him let it be for you not him. Give yourself time. I think takes a while to fully come to terms with who he was versus who he was supposed to be in your ideal world for you and your baby. I wish you guys all the best. My pregnancy was also high risk and I felt so guilty about it. When I went to a counselor they reminded me it’s not my fault that I’m stressed. It’s a natural response to the situation your in. It’s chaotic and you’re not wrong for feeling overwhelmed! Work with your emotions instead of against them. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief of your ideal family which includes anger. Also please take time for yourself when your taking care of baby - find something you enjoy as a mom if you haven’t already.

@Genevieve (gen) I am so sorry that you are going through a similar situation and I’m sending you lots of love! Thank you for your kind words. This is exactly what I needed to hear

Honestly I think it will take many years to let go because what he did to you is unforgivable. I was cheated on during my first trimester and I still feel resentment over what he did. I think what you should do is, don’t force yourself to just forgive him because it can’t just happen like that. Someday you may find peace and it will take time.

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