Can't sleep with husband

My husband doesn't usually spend the nights with me. He plays his game consoles till around 3am at night and then comes up to sleep and by that time I'm already in a deep sleep so I'm not bothered by it. It's been years that it is this way and I've grown use to sleeping without him and have and am trying to condition myself to a life without sex. We are currently on month 5 of no kisses, cuddles or sex. We barely have sex too and are not intimate in any other ways either. There was a time where I wouldn't be able to sleep without him cuddling me but those days are long gone since he doesn't value intimacy or my rights. Anyways, he's been up the last couple nights early as he's down with a cold and I absolutely hate it. I can't fall asleep with him in the bed. He's such a loud snorer too. When we face eachother in sleep I automatically have to turn sides. I'm so sleep deprived i just want him to go away. I know this is not healthy and I should want to be close to him but this is his fault. I have begged and asked him to fulfil my rights to intimacy and time and he does not wish to and now I can't stand being even consciously in the same bed.
Like
Share Mobile
Share
  • Share

Show your support

I would lowkey break the game console and act confused “try” help him fix it i cant lie. Also with the snoring I UNDERSTAND. For some reason my husband doesn’t snore on his left side so luckily whilst hes falling asleep on his left i get to fall asleep too, after that I don’t hear anything as im a deep sleeper. Tell him to make an appointment with gp they will refer him to ENT (unless he’s only snoring because he’s sick)

Aw sis this made me sad to read. May Allah make it easy for you. 5 months without any affection or intimacy is crazy! If he’s not fulfilling your rights to intimacy why is he even married to you. I know there’s other things that come into marriage but intimacy/affection is a huge role. If there’s no affection, how can there be love uno? Does he fulfil his other roles as a husband? Do you both communicate normally & converse about anything & everything or is it minimal & awkward? I don’t mean to pry but I’m just tryna see what he’s actually doing as a husband. How childish of him to be on his console everyday

Deffo break the console slyly as mentioned above & act oblivious but knowing men, he’ll just buy another one wasting money they don’t have.

So sorry that you have had to resort to this life and being denied your right I know you would have tried so many means to resolve this Please understand that it is probably not your fault, some men hate themselves and take it out on women Please encourage him to get GP appointment or go to A&E so he can be back on his stupid gaming chair ASAP and you can have a nice long sleep

You know I wanted to ask how often folks have intimacy in marriage cause I don’t feel even satisfied with once a week. Anyway I wouldn’t put up with that … you deserve better and you have right to enjoy a healthy sex life with affection.

I know how u feel, this is same with me but mine likes to stay downstairs on his phone and he watches alot of utube videos. Feel so alone x

@Nori thing is even if I break it, he will just watch tv or stay on his phone and tbh I don't have much interest in him anymore anyway, I've conditioned myself to not care kinda. As for sexual desires, I'm still struggling and unfortunately do end up masturbating to relieve the desires sometimes but I'm trying to just get over it. Thing is I can't leave financially, I have nowhere to go literally. So I'm trying to just ride it out as sad as that sounds. Counting on a nice husband in jannah lol

@Tasnim ameen, it is pretty minimal. I use to try to engage in convo but he keeps 'joking' saying I talk too much so now I've taken big steps back and only respond if he has a question He doesn't fulfil any roles if I'm honest. Even finances are 50/50

@Victoria girl I need atleast twice a week in order to feel satisfied and not have wandering eyes and thoughts and I've told him this from early on in the marriage and have repeatedly told him I'm sexually frustrated but he doesn't wish to meet my needs. And now I'm trying to supress any desires because I don't want to comitt any sins

Pray istikhara sis, ask Allah for guidance in what you should do as as harsh as this might sound, you don’t wanna be in a dead end marriage for god knows how long. If it’s just like this now, 5 months, do you wanna go 20/30 years being married to someone who barely talks to you, interacts or has any intimacy with you? Why should you have to ride it out or suppress your desires, you’re a woman, a human, you have needs & rights & Allah has given you them. I do feel sad for you sis, will make Du’a for you. Sometimes when men watch porn or too much of it they end up distancing from their partner & end up having no desire to be sexual with them as they only get exciting of off watching porn. Do you think this may be a factor?

5 months is a long time for a man, do you think he is getting it elsewhere? Or he isn't interested in marriage anymore? Or like the sister said that he's watching too much porn? If he comes into the room to sleep is there another room you can go sleep in and then if he asks what's wrong why you don't want to sleep in the same bed as him tell him. Do you try to kiss him? What does he do? Does he push you away ? Ask him If he wants a divorce If he doesn't want to have sex with you and he's down right refusing you. I'm sorry you are going through this. May Allah make it easy for you.

@Tasnim thing is to leave I feel like I'm being selfish and breaking a whole family apart. That's why I'm now just trying to change my expectations and the way I think for my children's sake. I know that's not the best mentality but one of my childdren are disabled so I fear throwing spanner in the works would have him struggling even more

@Tasnim not sure about porn tbh

@Zia he looks like he just tolerates it but isn't into it. I don't think he will take me seriously with the divorce because I've never followed through for the reasons stated above

5 months is a long time. Same with my bloke though, things aint felt right for ages , im 22 weeks pregnant now and before i felt pregnant things didnt feel right. Iv had a struggle during day 1 with this pregnancy feel so lonely. When we do have sex its not the same nomore we do it then its like ages till the next time. Its been lik 5 months for me aswell 😞 x

Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo
Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo

Usually if a guy is watching porn a lot you will know cause he will be spending an usual amount of time on the phone in the washroom (mornings or nights or before showers) and then they usually have staring problems and can’t lower their gaze. I just feel it’s really sad to not have something that’s normal and healthy and halal. I was reading about lack of sex in marriages and the psychological turmoil it causes women (and men too but they seem to always talk about men’s needs over women’s in articles). And it’s true if you’re not having having halal outlet then there’s more temptations, lustful thoughts and looks and potential for problems.

Read more on Peanut
Trending in our community