Stay at home duties

What (in your opinion) are the minimum stay at home responsibilities? Currently trying to divide and conquer with my husband and trying to decide what is fair with one working while the other cares for the kids. For example, should your partner come home to a clean home? Do you pack your partner’s lunch and snacks? Who washes clothes? Should partner come home to a home cooked meal all the time or most days? Who manages finances and pays bills? Who is responsible for all the administrative stuff like setting up appointments, registering kids for school or camp, calling handy man, etc? Who wakes up to make baby a bottle in the middle of the night? I know everyone does what works for them but I’m trying to figure out what others are doing. Thanks!
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My partner works and pays the bills and I’m taking care of the baby( night or morning lol it’s very stressful exhausting, my sister helps me with cooking, I cook sometimes if the baby let me, I try to clean but he cleans the house as well in the weekend

Personally, if we could afford to live off one income & I was a full time SAHM, I’d take on all responsibilities. If he’s making good money, I’d handle the bills. I’d book appointments. I’m a neat freak & such a planner. I enjoy it. Same with cooking/cleaning. That’s just not our reality. I’m lucky my fiancé takes on tasks without me asking. Laundry. Dishes . Etc

I would say 95% of the time my husband comes home to a clean home and all the dishes done and I do all the laundry. Cooking we switch off, if he cooks I clean and do the dishes and if I cook he does the dishes. Whoever cleans usually packs his lunch for the next day. My husband comes home at 4-4:15 and he doesn’t want dinner that early so that’s what works for us to wait till he comes home to cook unless I do a crockpot meal. I do all the registering kids and doctor appts and my husband pays for all the bills. My son doesn’t wake up in the night anymore but when he did it’s my job to take care of him cause my husband has to go to work in the morning and I rather him get his sleep.

(Coming for a working mom/main provider right now just my opinion) — during the day the mom’s job is to be the same as going to daycare. Take care of the child; feed child and clean up what is done during the day. My motto that always tell my sahm friends is if daycare doesn’t do it you don’t(unless you want). Weekend is 50/50. Dinner and waking nights with baby is 50/50. That’s not to say if you have bandwidth one partner may do more for a while; but expectation should be you are an at home daycare worker. Just taking care of a child is a full time job and extremely hard.

Some of the things you describe my husband and I just divide based on our strengths. I’m more organized and keep track of certain things better so I automate our bills, make appointments for the girls and handle schooling schedules but big decisions like where they go to school, parent teacher conferences, renewing insurances we talk about together before I pull the plug lol I wash the clothes and do dishes mostly because I do it well and in the timing I prefer. He does all stuff cars, appliance care, bugs lol When it comes to caring for our kids during the day, whoever is home with them takes care of the kids and cleans up after them/resets before the evening. Essentially what we’d expect from coming home if a nanny was watching them (viewing it as a job). Once we are both home it is both of our responsibilities. Meals we decide together for the most part but I usually cook once decided if it’s not ordering out. After meals we divide, one cleans and other prepares for bath

I do it all except paying the bills i pay internet and propane he pays rent and credit cards , i try to make sure the house is clean but our 21 month old just messes up the house behind me but the floors are done dishes are done laundry is always being done and everything else inbetween he doesnt take a lunch so i dont have to make him one, i do all the shopping i make dinner most times its ready when he gets home or ready with the hour of him being home, i register and call for everything i was also the one getting up every night with our son I honestly dont know how i do it im busy untill i put our son down for bed and sometimes after im exhausted ... I feel like my husband is ungrateful, He just comes home and is on his phone untill bed/ plays with son a little bit , id really like some one on one time with him but seems too much to ask .

Main priority is the childcare, if I’ve not had chance to do anything around the house because I’ve been busy with my son then my husband and I will tag team in the evening when he’s home. There is never an expectation from him to cook and clean, he knows if it’s an easy day then I’ll probably have made something nice for dinner, if we’ve had a hard or busy day then he will order food or keep our son busy, do bath and bed whilst I rustle something up. We have a laid back approach and just ask as we go, for example when he gets home he will ask if he wants me to look after baby or wash the dishes, if I want a break from childcare I’ll wash the dishes, if I’m happy playing with my son then he will wash the dishes - so whoever is free and willing at the time. We both make an effort to clear up after ourselves straightaway so there never is really much to do and that really helps with the workload of the house.

Oh and he pays the bills but it doesn’t come into our decision making for running the house or childcare. I do the appointments and such for baby as I’m home so would be based on my availability.

@Mimi Goss that’s exactly our mindset too, you worded it so much better

Up to a certain age, childcare alone is a full time job and everything else should be taken on as a team. Divide household responsibilities up as is the most convenient for everyone.

I’m on an extended maternity leave so effectively a sahm currently. Try as I might, the house always looks like a cyclone hit to by the end of the day but our kids have a small age gap so it’s very busy. When he’s home with the kids on weekends he sees how easily the house becomes cluttered again so he never gives me a hard time about it throughout the week. I always have a home cooked meal ready or almost ready by the time he comes home. I handle appointments and most of our bills are set to come out automatically. During the day I try to to laundry and I try (on a good week) to get one main areas of the house thoroughly cleaned each day, but that’s inconsistent for me lol. My main goal of the day is being a goof engaging mother, kids are week fed, napped, played with, brought outside, brought to play groups to socialize. We both work our 9-5 respectively, mine in the home, his out of the home. So after 5pm and on weekend we share all responsibilities in regards to kids & the home

My husband works 12 hours, 5 days a week and I just take care of the kids and keep up with the laundry. He cooks when he gets home and I will clean during his days off, when he can take care of the kids. I set up appointments. I wake up to take care of the kids on days he’s working.

When I was a stay at home mother, I cooked, clean and made dinner (almost) every night, nice and fresh when my husband gets home from work. My husband worked, paid all bills and I would help navigate with bills as he’s terrible at it 😅 I now work, pay all bills. Husband stays home with our 4 year old, goes to college full time. I come home take a nap, wake up, clean and cook dinner and play video games. My husband apologized for the way I felt when I told him I felt like I was doing things alone and he would do better and help out more. All in all, we both help each other out.

My fiancé works and pays all of the bills. I stay at home with the baby and my job is to keep him alive and entertained lol. Anything else is extra! Personally, I do try to keep the house clean and have dinner cooked when he gets home. I try to have his lunches packed for the next day. But neither one of us are stressing it if it doesn’t happen. I’m thankful he has allowed me this opportunity to be home with my son. And I try to make it up to him by running the household as much as I can without his help. But at the end of the day, I’m not his maid or his cook. Im a mom and my job is to again, keep my kid alive. If my fiancé comes home and there’s a pile of laundry on the couch or dishes that need to be unloaded, he does it. Stay at home moms NEVER clock out and moms in general carry a mental load that dads just don’t understand. So we had several conversations before the baby even got here about expectations with chores and things like that.

I think chores and responsibilities should be divided by what you both like to do or don’t mind doing. Whatever is left over on the list should be given to who can make the time to do it. My husband does the laundry on the weekends and washes the dishes every night. We both clean the house when kids are asleep. I cook all the food and handle all kid’s related stuff. He takes care of paying bills. Middle of night stuff is usually me, but if I’m too tired or can’t he has no issue taking care of it.

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I just ordered the Fair Play card deck. It lists things that get done at home and you can literally divide up the stack of cards to understand what is getting done and who’s doing it and if it feels fair.

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