AITA ? (Kinda long)

I gave birth to my daughter Saturday morning, the following Sunday I came home and since my mother had seen the baby twice already I messaged my MIL letting her know she was welcome to come to our house to see the baby (I knew my boyfriend would take days to get around to it). She told me she was on her way and showed up to my house with 9+ family members and friends, mind you baby’s one day old. I didn’t even say anything although me and my boyfriend had previously discussed together not wanting so many people meeting the baby at once we had not expressed this to her so I let it go. At the hospital my boyfriend decided he wouldn’t be signing our daughters birth certificate so I gave her my last name, well when his family got to our house he started freaking out to his family about how the baby didn’t have his last name. His mother proceeded to tell me that I was not right, that if my daughter didn’t have her sons last name how was she supposed to know that she was his, etc screaming in my face to the point her husband had to hold her back. I’m one day postpartum at the time clearly already upset my boyfriend had made a big fuss. She proceeds to tell me “Goodluck” and that “she doesn’t want any parts” to which I didn’t respond. Now i told my boyfriend that i don’t want her around our daughter until she apologizes to me and she called me the next day to do so but I didn’t answer the phone because i wanted one peaceful day at home recovering with my newborn daughter. AITA? How do you think I should go about this situation moving forward?
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You were in the right it’s your child and your rules come first not to mention since he didn’t sign the birth certificate then you have the right to give her ur last name. He shouldn’t have made a big deal out of it and ur mil needs to apologize and let your breath you just had a baby and having a newborn while ur body is healing and still in pain can be stressful.

Literally no and don’t allow people to treat you that way???

Omg that’s awful! I’m not a fan of my mil either! Stand up for yourself like you did! Keep doing it! You’re no longer just standing up for yourself, you’re standing up for your baby in a way. Proud of you

You’re not the asshole. I couldn’t imagine screaming at a new mom one-day-postpartum about ANYTHING. If your significant other refused to sign your baby’s birth certificate, then that’s on him and he shouldn’t have thrown you under the bus like that. Y’all are supposed to be partners, and he should have taken up for you

I’ve had a similar experience with my first born. Do what’s best for your & baby. Talk to her on your own timing. You did no wrong at all! He didn’t wanna be on her birth certificate, so why not give her YOUR last name? Continue to rest & be the best you for yourself & baby. Don’t overthink or stress about it. You did NO wrong.

Firstly no. NTA at all, obviously. But also how come your bf didn’t want to sign your baby’s birth certificate?? How did that make you feel??

His reasoning for not wanting to sign the birth certificate was “incase I ever wanted to get on cash assistance through the state or put him on child support” which is quite frankly bs because I’ve never been without a job, car, and money of my own in my life & he knows this, even prior to our relationship we were friends for 4 years. And honestly it made me feel just as shitty as he felt about the baby not having his last name but I didn’t throw him under the bus in front of my entire family. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Should've thrown him under the bus.

He's disgusting, and so his is momma. How dare he not want to be on the birth certificate (especially for such a dumb reason) but demand your baby has his last name. His momma would have gotten cussed out if she was yelling in my face one day post-partum. The fact that you were able to withstand that proves you're not the asshole. Does his family know he refused to sign the birth certificate? If not, I would tell them that immediately.

NTA!

Wtf?! I would leave him and that whole trashy family. That’s a toxic boy mom If ever. He doesn’t wanna sign but wants baby to have his last name. Didn’t mention to his mom he didn’t sign tho, then she has the nerve to yell and scream at you as if you didn’t just give birth?! As if a newborn baby isn’t present, without knowing or trying to understand or inquire as to why? You can still get CS even if he doesn’t sign. Thats not how it even works… you just get him served with a court order DNA test for paternity. Then boom, child support! Stupid ass!! F him and his whole family!

His family does know he refused to sign her birth certificate they don’t seem to think that’s relevant , some of his family was understanding and said they don’t care about her name, while some said the last name thing hurt his feelings and that’s it’s important to a guy especially with his first child but fail to realize it’s my first child as well and him being on her birth certificate was equally important to me.

RE: the last name That was so immature of your SO and his mom. It’s up to you if you don’t speak up in the moment if this comes up again but it’s understandable that you couldn’t in this case being one day PP and all. You could sit down both your SO and his mom and set clear boundaries about how visits are to go and how you’re to be spoken to if the mom doesn’t agree with something. It’s possible your SO wants his cake and eat it too by not wanting to give your baby his last name and then be dramatic about it in front of others. He may do again. Did he not tell you before the baby was born that he didn’t want to give his last name? His reasons sound like he’d thought about. That would have been nice of him to tell you beforehand so your first days with your baby weren’t clouded by this. So sorry that your first few days with your little one were filled with drama 😔

I actually find his actions and reasoning even more alarming than MIL and think you have some serious issues with him you need to address. What the hell is he doing, not signing his own baby’s certificate that she will have for life? Dad why didn’t you sign my birth certificate? Because I didn’t want to do my duty and look after you no matter what? And what the hell is him throwing you under the bus about? Also he’s dumb because there is no requirement for a birth certificate to be signed to be paying child support

NTA. Your boyfriend is an arsehole, surely he knows that would upset his family and start an argument which you do not need 1 day PP. Tbh if my MIL treated me like that I would never be talking to her again.

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I wouldn't let her in with those 9 people. Wth. And wtf with all she said. I wish your partner pushed her out of your home. Noone is allowed to takk to you like that for any reasons. Not in your home. Not when you just give birth. She sound like a nightmare

On the day your baby was born he told you he was planning to avoid his responsibilities if you ever put him on child support by not signing her birth certificate. That’s wild behavior. The whole family sounds like assholes.

The thing is you can still get child support because the court orders a dna test and makes you pay if you refuse to take it. He doesn’t deserve his last name to be honored if he doesn’t care enough about his child to put his 50% of the responsibility in as well financially and emotionally and honestly I would write all of that down for his family to read after he did that to you

He’s basically told you he doesn’t want to have to provide for his child, that is WILD. And a huge red flag. He should WANT to provide for his daughter, regardless if whether you two are together or not. If he doesn’t sign it, he can’t expect her to have his last name. You don’t get to pick and choose which parts of parenting you want to do. You’re either in or you’re out. To let his mum scream at the mother of his child, at any point, let alone one day PP. another huge red flag. Not meaning to be dramatic but you’re going to have serious on going issues with him and his family if that’s how he lets them treat you.

She was the one who lashed out of control at you and you just delivered and was rude so She is the A$hole 😂

All other red flags aside… he should’ve stood up for you. He’s the one that didn’t want to sign it and he should’ve taken the grief from his mom. You’re postpartum and you need people who bring you peace right now, not the opposite. That whole family is the @$hole, not you

Well tell her that he didn't want to sign it so if she should be mad someone she should be mad at her son. And she need to realize that you just had and baby. And instead of jumping the guns on you she should ask questions and not just blame you

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