Should I say something to my bfs mom? (Kinda long)

Okay so my bfs mom since the day my daughter was born has been very bossy and demanding about our daughter. Which is highly annoying to me because before she was born his mom was so sure I trapped him with a baby and that he needed to get a DNA test but the moment she was born and she saw how much they looked alike she switched up. Everytime she sees here she tried to tell us that we are doing something wrong even if we know based on how our baby reacts that she doesn’t like or need something. A couple of examples are: The first time she was born and his mom meet her she immediately said we needed to bundle her up cause she was too cold even tho we tried to explained that she isn’t swaddle because we are about to be discharged from the hospital in a few mins. Another thing is we have learned that out daughter doesn’t like wearing socks, and when we do put them on her she gets fussy and kicks them off so we rarely let her wear them and she is more comfortable that way. Yet Everytime we are near his mom she tries to say she needs them. Not to mention every time we are around her she just yells at us to “give her her grand baby” and I understand she wants to hold her and spend time with her but I’m only 2 months pp and I personally still have separation anxiety and I like to be able to just hold my baby as well, and if she is constantly just taking her from me and expecting me to find something else to do I can’t do that. I understand she was a mother once but this is our kid and my bf tried to speak up for me but she thinks that it’s just him trying to be an ass hole. What makes it worse is that we are teen parents so it’s harder to speak up. I just really want her to realize that this is our baby and we don’t always have to give her to someone else or listen to their rules but I feel like she might think I’m being rude and I want her to like me even tho she can get on my nerves. So should I say something?

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This sounds so hard. I’m in my late 30s and I can’t even speak up when my mom says stuff like this. If you think you can speak up and not get attacked, then speak up. But if you can just ignore it for a while until you’re a bit further along in post partum, wait until you feel stronger. I would also ask your partner to talk to her, it’s his mother after all. Tell her you’re grateful for her ideas but you really want to work it out on ur own etc

That's a very difficult position you're in, and I'm sorry for you. If you are going to say something, perhaps try to focus on how things make you feel, rather than criticising her behaviour. I'm not saying you're wrong, by the way, but people tend to react better when the conversation is about feelings of another (i.e. the impact of someone else's behaviour) rather than the behaviour itself. So, for example, you could say you find it really upsetting when your baby is away from you (rather than she shouldn't take your baby away from you). You could also say that, just as she did, you need to learn how to parent by being allowed the space to have a go. As with anything, we learn best from doing, rather than being told. You can say that you trust your hormones to guide you in doing what's right for your child - that's what they are they for, after all.

I don't think age makes any difference, when it comes to maternal instincts. I was 32 when I had my little one and I was absolutely clueless because I'd never been around babies and young children. Don't do yourself the disservice of questioning your abilities or instincts. If you are unsure of something, speak with your midwife/GP or have a little Google. There is a lot of advice around safety (particularly overheating!) that is quite different now to when our parents had us. You may well find support elsewhere to reinforce what you're doing is the advisable method (not that you need it, I hasten to add, I was thinking more to shove under your partner's mother's nose).

Do you live with her? If not firstly cut down her visits! And yes practice standing up for yourself, practice saying things when she’s not around so it might come out easier when she is “no she doesn’t need socks” “I’ll give her to you in a minute/when I’m ready”. If you don’t like her behaviour then definitely say something x

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