baby daddy issues..

Does anyone elses baby daddy get so frustrated with your child it hurts? I recently just had our daughter, and he was fortunate enough to get parental leave. So we have a nightly rotation of i wake up with baby one night, and he does the following night. But every time it is his turn i wake up to him getting so mad at her. Getting mad that she wont keep her arms down while he tries to swaddle her, that she wont take the bottle or pacifer but it rooting and so on and so forth. It is honestly heart breaking. Tonight was my night to sleep, and i woke up to him doing it again then i get so frustrated with him. He made a comment when i gave him back to her and he said to her "You hate me, even when i try to gold you" so i turned and told him "maybe stop hating her and she wont hate you" and his response... "i try not to".. that right there killed me. I understand fathers dont get that connection right away, and it takes time. But man.. i could cry for my daughter.. idk what else to do other than be mad at him and upset for her and myself.. like shes 3 weeks old.. of course shes not going to listen because she doesnt understand...
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He might have post natal depression. Honestly if he is getting really frustrated I’d be reminding him to put her down and leave the room if it’s too much, or to wake you up when he feels like that. I’m not saying he would, but dads are more likely to shake babies when they get frustrated. I understand it though. In those first few weeks I was getting frustrated saying things like ‘ahh why are you still crying I don’t know what you need?! Why won’t you settle for me but you will your dad?!’ And then cry and feel guilty and hug her and apologise 😂 it all came from insecurity / baby blues with those insaaaaane hormonal changes. I think he is scared that he’s doing a bad job. Maybe trauma related if his parents were absent. I’d remind him that babies cry even when you do everything right. That she hasn’t spent 9 months inside him so she doesn’t know him- and she can feel his upset, so might be scared of getting to know him. If he isn’t acting like a safe person, she will feel it.

That's exactly why unless I just couldn't I did it myself dad's don't have the mothering instincts or patience plus I just have a better piece of mind it gets easier tbh I'm sorry your going through this though

I don’t know what kind of man your partner is, but sounds like he’s overwhelmed… my partner is the calmest person on the planet and has never been frustrated by our daughter, but I have. In those early days, I remember shouting “why are you still crying” etc etc, and I resented my daughter. She settled so much better for her dad than me. I think like the above have said, maybe both of you just tap in and tap out when you need to. Me and my partner used to split the nights: 10pm-3am. 3am-8am. That way we’d both get a break and some decent sleep :) doing a whole night on your own with a screaming newborn can be very very difficult! Best of luck ❤️

@Baby k I don’t think that’s true. My partner was wayyyy calmer and patient with my daughter when she was a newborn! Still is x

:( damn that sounds bad I get the nights can be frustrating when I noticed him getting annoyed I’d take over calmly to not make baby worse and say to him imagine you being so hungry and unable to get food and all you can do is cry and hope someone loves you enough to help! Bit dramatic but facts really that always helped showing him the baby isn’t being mean he just needs daddy/mummy sending hugs

Men can have postpartum rage and depression too. It isn't due to the same factors of course but not having the immediate connection and being thrown into parenthood where one minute baby isn't in the world and the next they have to take care of a baby and the stresses of that and financial can cause it. My husband had it and antidepressants helped tremendously. Sending love and support your way!

I would maybe take a few nights of him sounds like it might be abit much for him, also if your waking up anyway not like your getting the rest. Instead if doing a night each could he not do the last feed then the morning one xx

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