Helping husband

I’m on maternity leave for 3 months and my husband still goes to work. Is it wrong of me to ask him to help me in the middle of the night? He’s really good about getting up and helping me change diapers, or bottle feed, but I feel bad. I tell him “go to bed you have work tomorrow” and he always says “you do too” referring to taking care of our little one. I saw a video of this girl saying “i absolutely do not wake my husband up to help me. I can take a nap in the middle of the day and he can’t and he’s providing for our family.” It made me feel so shitty. Should i have that mentality and start allowing my husband to sleep through the night while i take care of our newborn? Should i be looking at it like ‘well he’s the dad, our baby is also his responsibility’? Do you other mamas who’s husbands work have them still help out at night? What should i do?
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I don't wake my husband up unless he wakes up on his own and he's usually good at helping me if I need it. In my opinion for being a stay at home mom I look at it that I should be the one getting up.

i wake my boyfriend up if i’m feeding our daughter and our son starts crying but we also have two kids vs only one. the only time i woke him with our son was when i had to use the bathroom really bad and our son was hungry 😂

I didnt with our first because I could nap and he couldnt. Then when I went back to work I still didnt because I worked from home and technically could nap on lunch break, but mostly because he has a hard time falling back to sleep and would turn the tv on and be up for a while if he woke up and I wouldnt be able to sleep with it on. If i just changed and fed the baby I'd be right back to sleep in 15 mins and got a lot more sleep. We'd originally planned to split nights once I stopped nursing and she was on bottles but then of course she started only waking once a night so it was still just me. 🤣 Now I'm not working at all so I do as much as possible because he is working extra to cover expenses until I can find something for work. But on the weekends he often let's me sleep in and takes over and once I'm back to work then we will go from there.

My fiance drives for a living so I try to let him get a good bit of sleep however.... we are down to one car due to a recent accident. I have a 21 month old in daycare who needs to be picked up by 6pm and my fiance doesn't get off until after 6pm. So I have to take my son to daycare, fiance to work, go home with my newborn, pickup my son by 6 and either go home and then get my fiance later or just leave from the daycare to get my fiance. I can't drive my babies on no sleep. I stay up 3 hours every night to feed, change, and entertain my newborn until he goes back to sleep. After that, I wake Dad to give our newborn a bottle if he cries because by the time I get to go back to sleep it's after 4am and I have to be up at 8 to get ready to take our oldest to daycare and my fiance to work. Dad sleeps most of the night but I need sleep too.

I think it’s great these responses show how nuanced the situation is. My husband and I split the night into two shifts where he stays up late with our newborn (until about 2:30 am) then I am responsible for her comfort and feeds after that while he sleeps. Then he works all day and I stay home with her. Whatever works for you both is the most important thing, and you can always check in and adjust it as you go. It sounds like he is super considerate and aware that being home with the baby while he is at work is still a lot of work for you, and yay i love that because a lot of men are so oblivious to how hard it is to be staying home with a newborn all alone. They take that for granted when really moms are going through a lot more challenging changes than they are. Don’t feel guilty at all it sounds like you make a great team 💛

When we had our first, my husband would wake up with me for every feeding and help. It was nice because it made him apart of the process and he wanted to help. We just had our second 3 weeks ago and this time around he's not getting up to help with feedings. We have an 18 month old-- so my husband rests at night and does the morning routine (wake up, Breakfast & makes lunch) with our 18 momth old while I sleep. Our oldest is ready to go for the day by the time I wake up. If your husband wants to wake up and help, let him. I think sometimes men feel excluded in the newborn phase bc the baby relies so much on the mom. Let him feel included. He always has the option to sleep-- let him make that decision for himself.

I exclusively pumped with our first so he was up every 2hrs with me to feed and change while i pumped. But with our second, I decided to nurse instead so i only really wake him if I need help changing cuz i have to pee or im reaaaally tired snd sleepy and dont trust myself to stay awake with her in my arms to burp. Sometimes he’s up to keep me company and other times he is snoring away…i feel like theres no right or wrong answer. I just listen to my body and ask for help when i need it. Also, dont men biologically need less sleep than women to function anyways?! IJS lol

I feel like there’s a fine line because once you go back to work you cannot do both overnight and work. It’s all about routine and finding one that works for you. My husband is back to work now and it’s definitely been an adjustment. He feeds and changes our son around 1am and then I take the 4:30 and 7:30 shifts but I go to bed earlier than him. It works for us and if one of us is super drained we fill in and help eachother. But it’s all a process and ever changing

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