Partner not helping in the nights

I’ve been doing everything day & night too. Because my partner works. He does bath time every other night - but we take this in turns. But generally speaking I do every feed & every nappy change. But I just see it that it’s my job to look after the baby as if he didn’t go to work, I couldn’t be at home with baby! Think my partner did nappies for the first 2 nights at home. And then I said I needed to get used to doing it for when he was back at work. I just don’t see the point in him being up in the night & then being tired at work, when I can just do it anyway x

Exactly the same as Becca, I was breastfeeding too so literally no point us both being awake. My partner was the one going to work and paying all our bills and mortgage so I wanted him to be well rested especially with a 2+ hour drive each way too x

I'm very traditional and believe he shouldn't have to be getting up in the night or worrying about having to pick up chores when he's home, if he's working and providing for you to have time off with your baby and getting everything you need, that's his role in the partnership, now by all means if he refuses to help if you need him too, i'd look to say something but I wouldn't be expecting of him getting up in the night when he has work in the morning but that's my opinion 🙈

I think there needs to be some balance too even if he is going to work. Chances are he’s getting time to recuperate even on his journey there whereas as a mum you are not and it can feel quite overwhelming. I think personally and what I do is, i do the most of it as he needs to sleep to go to work, but I am also effectively going to work so that needs to be taken into account especially with an unsettled baby. If the baby wakes up three times per night, would it be better if he does 1 and you take 2? Just an idea. Hang in there xx

They say parenting is basically a full time job too. My partner is happy to do a bottle in the night to allow me a better amount of sleep. After all, if we don’t get much sleep for months on end it is terrible for our mental health and health in general.

My partner works full time but he still does nappy changes during the night (usually only the one change) and he’ll get up with out 2 year old at 7:30am on his late starts/days off. I exclusively breastfeed and we only do bottles in ‘emergencies’ so when she wakes in the night I always have to get up so he sees the nappy and early start as equal duties. However some of his shifts are later (12-8pm) so him waking/getting up in the night isn’t a huge deal but he still does it for his 7/8am starts.

My partner works 6-6 on a 4 on 4 off basis so the nights when he’s working he doesn’t do anything as he gets up himself at 4:30 anyway but on his 4 days off he does the feed that ends up being around 5/6ish usually depending on when she wakes as he is used to being up at that time anyway. I usually try and feed her around 10ish then she usually wakes up around 2ish and 6ish. I usually then sleep until 8/9ish on his days off so that I’m able to catch up a bit x

@Lily I really think this is how it should be in my opinion xx

You are not chilling at home, the way I see it, taking care of the baby is your job! How long is his day shift? 8 hours? Why should yours be 24? I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my baby with someone who is sleep deprived, I don't get how so many dads are okay with this. Also, he works outside the house so you can stay home, and you stay home so he can go to work, it goes both ways

In our house I get up and do the night feeds if my husband has work the next day.. but if he doesn’t then we split it.. if I’m really struggling (I get migraines and nights can be awful) then he’s more than happy for me to wake him to get him to do a feed.. I do have to wake him though he will not wake up if baby is crying.. to be honest, it’s not up to your family, or anyone else how you decide to do things.. if you need more support in the nights then ask him to support more

My partner works but I do the feed, he does the burping as my little one is very hard to burp, it takes two to tango and being a mum is a job itself

When you sign up to being a mum, it’s part of the deal. I have 3 kids and pregnant with my 4th. I’m in a committed relationship but still always done everything for the kids day and night too. Dads are meant to be helping out too but if they’re the only ones who work then I agree he shouldn’t be doing the nights as well, he’d run himself into the ground. As for you, there’s a few ways to deal with this.. either tell your partner he needs to help more when he actually can or if you go to bed when he gets home from work, he takes over and then you take over for the night when he goes to bed?, or, you find someone else who could help give you a break or you crack on with it and know that as shit as it sounds, we’re all literally on our own raising our babies whether we have partners or not

My boyfriend puts the baby to bed and always does the first feed (usually at about 12/1am) and then the next one (usually 5am) and onwards is me. He also takes over on the weekends so I can rest. Just because they work doesn’t mean they can’t do anything, you also ‘work’ and your job is 24/7. They don’t just get to enjoy all the good bits of parenting, it’s unfair. You made the baby 50/50 so if you feel he needs to put more effort in, make him ✌🏻

My partner takes over once he finishes work at 5, and I have between 6 and midnight to myself or to enjoy time with him and the baby, but whilst he takes the lead. During this time I might have a nap, I might have a bath or a long shower. I breastfeed so there's no point in him doing the night shift, but it's a little easier now as the baby only wakes twice in the night for a feed and then goes back to sleep. On weekends he helps considerably more through the night, and during his 2 weeks mat leave we did shifts. The reality is, one of us financially needs to work. I'm sure he'd be thrilled if I said I'm off back to work and he gets to be a stay at home dad (he'd love it!) but he doesn't have breasts. If he stayed awake at night & also worked, he'd be a zombie and not actually performing at work - therefore affecting his work performance, bonus, appraisals. We can't afford for him to not do well at work.

My partner will wake if I ask him ie poo explosion and needing help with it, other than that I let him sleep. He is working and I’m at home so I see looking after our boy as my job. However each couple is different, I don’t think there is a right and wrong as it would invalidate your feelings. If you’re feeling like he should help, speak to him and see if maybe he will do one night a week? Communicating these things are so important or else it’ll all build up on you!

My partner sometimes does the late feed if there’s one around 10ish.. I do the rest, then if there’s a feed between 5-7am, he will get up before work and take baby downstairs to do this whilst I get a few more hours sleep. He’s still getting a solid 6/7 hours sleep a night doing this as a worst case scenario. Then on the weekend, we swap. He does the night feeds and I get up for the early morning feed, take baby downstairs and leave him in bed for a few hours. We don’t wake eachother up unless we feel like we need help. I totally get they go out to work for us but it’s not 1960 and the blokes need to pick up the slack abit

It bugs me my partner does nothing but I can’t trust him to not fall asleep with her! So I just push through and get on with it she only wakes once or twice anyway I just make him do some feeds when he gets home from work xx

Every couple is different, however my boyfriend needs to be awake and focused for his job as if he’s not it could impact him. If I need him I know I can ask him to help, but literally no point in getting him up and tired when he pays the bills and mortgage. My boyfriend will do more things over the weekend so I can catch up on sleep. I don’t want him doing nights on the weekend just yet as that’s my own preference